Cutter was now thinking of Scillara, of how this was a kind of betrayal-no different from Challice’s own. True, Scillara had said often enough that theirs was a love of convenience, unbound by expectations. She’d insisted on that distance, and it there had been moments of uncontrolled passion in their lovemaking, it was the selfish kind, quickly plucked apart once they were both spent. He also suspected that he had hurt her-with their landing in his city, some part of him had sought to sever what they had had aboard the ship, as if by closing one chapter every thread was cut and the tale began anew.
But that wasn’t possible. All breaks in the narrative of living had more to do with the limits of what could be sustained at any one time, the reach of temporary exhaustion. Memory did not let go; it remained the net dragged in one’s wake, with all sort of strange things snarled in the knotted strands.
He had behaved unfairly, and that had hurt her and, indeed, hurt their friendship. And now it seemed he had gone too far, too far to ever get back what he now realized was precious, was truer than everything he was feeling now, here beneath this woman.
It’s said joy’s quick crash was weighted in truth. All at once Challice, sprawled prone atop him, felt heavier.
In her own silence, Challice of House Vidikas was thinking back to that morning, to one of those rare breakfasts in the company of her husband. There had been sly amusement in his expression, or at least the tease of that emotion, making his every considerate gesture slightly mocking, as if in sitting facing one another at the table they were but acting out cliched roles of propriety. And finding, it seemed, a kind of comfort in the ease of their mutual falsehoods.
She suspected that some of Gorlas’s satisfaction involved a bleed-over into her private activities, as if it pleased him to take some credit for her fast-receding descent into depravity; that his unperturbed comfort was in fact supportive, something to be relied upon, a solid island she could flail back to when the storm grew too wild, when her swimming in the depths took on the characteristics of drowning.
Making her so-called private activities little more than extensions of his possession. In owning her he was free to see her used and used up elsewhere. In fact, she had sensed a sexual tension between them that had not been there since… that had never been there before. She was, she realized, making herself more desirable to him.
It seemed a very narrow bridge that he chose to walk. Some part of her, after all, was her own-belonging to no one else no matter what they might believe-and so she would, ultimately, be guided by her own decisions, the choices she made that would serve her and none other. Yes, her husband played a most dangerous game here, as he might well discover.
He had spoken, in casual passing, of the falling out between Shardan Lim and Hanut Orr, something trivial and soon to mend, of course. But moments were strained of late, and neither ally seemed eager to speak to Gorlas about any of it. Hanut Orr had, however, said some strange things, offhand, to Gorlas in the few private conversations they’d had-curious, suggestive things, but no matter. It was clear that something had wounded Hanut Orr’s vaunted ego, and that wasever the danger with possessing such an ego-its constant need to be fed, lest ii deflate to the prods of sharp reality.
Sharden Lim’s mood, too, had taken a sudden downward turn. One day veri-tably exalted, the next dour and short-tempered.
Worse than adolescents, those two. You’d think there was a woman involved…
Challice had affected little interest, finding, to her own surprise, that she was rather good at dissembling, at maintaining the necessary pretensions. The Mistress of the House, the pearlescent prize of the Master, ever smooth to the touch, as delicate as a porcelain statue. Indifferent to the outside world and all its decrepit, smudged details. This was the privilege of relative wealth, after all, encouraging the natural inclination to manufacture a comforting cocoon. Keeping out the common indelicacies, the mundane miseries, all those raw necessities, needs, wants, all those crude stresses that so strained the lives of normal folk.
Only to discover, in gradual increments of growing horror, that the world within was little different; that all those grotesque foibles of humanity could not be evaded-they just reared up shinier to the eye, like polished baubles, but no less cheap, no less sordid.
In her silence, Challice thought of the gifts of privilege, and oh wasn’t she privileged indeed? A rich husband getting richer, one lover among his closest allies (and that was a snare she might use again, if the need arose), and now another-one Gor-las knew virtually nothing about. At least, she didn’t think he did.
Sudden rapid flutter of her heart. What if he has someone following me? The possibility was very real, but what could she do about it? And what might her husband do when he discovered that her most recent lover was not a player in his game? That he was, in fact, a stranger, someone clearly beyond his reach, his sense of control. Would he then realize that she too was now beyond his control?
Gorlas might panic. He might, in truth, become murderous.
‘Be careful now, Cro-Cutter. What we have begun is very dangerous.’
He said nothing in reply, and after a moment she pushed herself off him, and rose to stand beside the narrow bed. ‘He would kill you,’ she continued, looking down on him, seeing once again how the years had hardened his body, sculpted muscles bearing the scars of past battles. His eyes, fixed on her own, regarded her with thoughts and feelings veiled, unknowable.
‘He’s a duellist, isn’t he?’
She nodded. ‘One of the best in the city.’
‘Duels,’ he said, ‘don’t frighten me.’
‘That would be a mistake, Cutter. In any case, given your… station, it’s doubtful he’d bother with anything so formal. More like a half-dozen thugs hired to get rid of you. Or even an assassin.’
‘So,’ he asked, ‘what should I do about it?’
She hesitated, and then turned away to find her clothes. ‘I don’t know. I was but warning you, my love.’
‘I would imagine you’d be even more at risk.’
She shrugged. ‘I don’t think so. Although,’ she added, ‘a jealous man is an unpredictable man.’ Turning, she studied him once more. ‘Are you jealous, Cutter?’’Of Golras Vidikas?’ The question seemed to surprise him and she could see him thinking about it. ‘Title and wealth, yes, that would be nice. Being born into something doesn’t mean it’s deserved, of course, so maybe he hasn’t earned all his privileges, but then, maybe he has-you’d know more of that than I would.’
‘That’s not what I meant. When he takes me, when he makes love to me.’
‘Oh. Does he?’
‘Occasionally.’
‘Make love? Or just make use of you?’
‘That is a rather rude question.’
Years ago, he would have leapt to his feet, apologies tumbling from him in a rush. Now, he remained on the bed, observing her with those calm eyes. Challice felt a shiver of something in her, and thought it might be fear. She had assumed a certain… control. Over all of this. Over him. And now she wondered. ‘What,’ he now asked, ‘do you want from me, Challice? Years and years of this? Meeting in dusty, abandoned bedrooms. Something you can own that Gorlas does not? It’s not as if you’ll ever leave him, is it?’
‘You once invited me to run away with you.’
‘If I did,’ he said, ‘you clearly said no. What has changed?’
‘I have.’
His gaze sharpened on her. ‘So now… you would? Leave it all behind? The estate, the wealth?’ He waved languidly at the room around them. ‘For a life of this? Challice, understand: the world of most people is a small world. It has more limitations that you might think-’
‘And you think it’s that different among the nobleborn?’
He laughed.
Fury hissed through her, and to keep from lashing out she quickly began dressing. ‘It’s typical,’ she said, pleased at her calm tone. ‘I shouldn’t have been surprised. The lowborn always think we have it so easy, that we can do anything, go anywhere. That our every whim is answered. They don’t think-’ she spun to face him, and watched his eyes widen as he comprehended her anger, ‘-you don’t think that people like me can suffer.’
‘I never said that-’
‘You laughed.’
‘Where are you going now, Challice? You’re going back to your home. Your estate, where your handmaids will
