The Mystic Arts of Erasing All Signs of Death

– Yeah, I read it.

He took the book back.

– That's a good book.

I took a sip of beer.

– It's good, I like it, but it's not that great.

He put the book on top of the stack.

– Did I say it was great? I said it was good. Try listening.

– Whatever.

He pulled at the collar of his red flannel shirt, the skin beneath beach-bum rough and brick red.

– A great book is a rare thing. What have you read lately that's great?

– Nothing.

– See what I mean.

He held up the book he was reading when I came in.

– Anna Karenina. A great book. Indisputably.

– Indisputably great trashy fiction.

He set the book down.

– Are you trying to upset me?

– No. I just think it's a great piece of popular melodrama, but not a great piece of art.

He turned on his stool, faced me.

– Who the hell? Where do you get off? This is one of the.

He backhanded the air.

– Why do I bother? You might as well have spent your childhood watching TV. Should have just wheeled one into your bedroom and plugged it into your eyes and let it brainwash you like the rest of society. You could be a bartender instead of a teacher. You could have a nice comfortable job pouring drinks and mopping vomit and watching TV. Wasted time. Wasted effort.

He picked up his shot glass and drained it.

– Wasted life.

I stared at the beer in my glass.

He knocked the base of the shot glass on the bar and the bartender came down with a bottle of Bushmills in his hand.

He topped off the old man's shot glass.

– L.L., how ‘bout you take it easy on my customers. You buy the guy a drink, doesn't mean you have the right to browbeat him.

I raised a hand.

– It's cool, he's my dad.

L.L. wrote a novel.

It's on that shelf with the Nelson Algren and Bukowski and Kerouac at your local independent bookstore. If you have one of those. If not, you can find it on the Internet. But it will probably be the printing they did for the movie.

He wrote his novel before he met my mom. Really, he met my mom because he wrote the novel. It was a cult thing. Dozens of printings over the years, each of them a run of a couple thousand, well regarded enough to get him several guest lecture gigs in the late sixties as a not quite elder statesman of the counterculture. If not for that, he'd never have been at UC Berkeley in ‘68. Never gone to the Fillmore with some of his grad students to see a happening, and loudly denigrate it as bullshit, sounding off at the back of the hall, a bottle of mescal in one hand and a huge joint in the other, surrounded by the more reactionary wing of the peace and freedom movement. If not for that, he'd never been challenged by an attractive young undergrad from SF State, who proposed to show him how rock music, acid and free love could change the world. Never would have eye-droppered a dose of U.S. government pure LSD and ended up fucking the undergrade brains out in Golden Gate Park at dawn, receiving along the way what he once described to me as, The most sublime head known to man or Jesus. I saw the universe entire in that blow job, Web, the whole damn shooting match. Never would have taken the undergrad to wife that week. Never would have brought her back to Los Angeles with him. And certainly never would have gotten stone fucked up with her twelve years later, on one of the rare occasions they had sex anymore, and forgotten to make sure she had in her diaphragm and impregnated her with a child she would refuse to abort, all of it ending with me as his son.

Or that's how he tells the story.

The old man rubbed a hand over his round belly.

– Would you have preferred that? If I'd just plopped you in front of the boob tube for your education? It could have prepared you for a menial life, it would have been no trouble at all. It would have been much easier than teaching you how to read when you were two. It would have been much easier than showing you the constellations or taking you to the Getty to see Rembrandts or the Hollywood Bowl to see Bernstein. It would have been much easier than giving you an education that you were able to use, something to share with your students. There's no nobler profession, no better use of a life than to teach, but I could have saved us both the trouble and given you a TV and that would have made you happy, it seems.

I looked at the old man.

– I'm not teaching anymore.

He blinked.

– Oh, and what kind of job have you turned your energies to?

– I'm. Cleaning stuff.

He picked at the tuft of gray hair sprouting from his right ear.

– A janitor.

– No.

– You're cleaning for a living?

– Well, for the last couple days.

– Then you are, my son, either a janitor or a housekeeper. Are you a housekeeper?

– No.

He swiveled on his stool and signaled the bartender.

– Do you have, by any chance, an application? My son, I think, might be looking to improve his employment situation.

The bartender blinked.

– We're not hiring.

My dad shrugged.

– Alas. Another beer then. He can use it to drown his useless dreams and sorrows.

I drained my glass and set it down.

– Thanks, Dad. But I think you're mistaking me for you.

He grinned, showing me the gap where his two upper front teeth used to be before he lost them in an Ensenada bar fight.

– Ah, now there's the little son of a bitch I raised.

Lincoln Lake Crows loves teachers and teaching. In theory. Which is to say, he loves the idea of teachers and of teaching.

The Noblest Profession, Web. No greater calling than the passing of knowledge from one generation to the next. A thankless task it is, to the outsider. The teacher, the true teacher, knows that the rewards of his calling are not properly measured in silver. They are measured in the achievements of the teacher's students. Respect, yes. Admiration, yes. A word of thanks, yes. All these are well deserved and appreciated. But the true and absolute payment comes in seeing a student learn ana apply that learning. No matter how modest their accomplishments may be, that is the reward. That is coin of the realm for a true teacher.

And he should know. Old L.L. put his years in as a high school teacher. Toiling in the mines of public education for well over a decade.

He'd still be there now.

Except that he wrote a novel. And he lived in Los Angeles. And someone he knew knew someone who knew