Mad, Bad & Dangerous

In the thirty seconds before it became impolite not to introduce them, Nuala had whispered to Kett that she’d tried every trick in her not-inconsiderable arsenal to get them to leave, but being Nuala, she was unable to be outright rude.

However, once her stepdaughter had walked in, that hadn’t been a problem. Unfortunately, by then the first course had been served and the duke and duchess were well entrenched.

“You feed it some villagers then chain it up when it’s sleepy,” Kett said, and her father let out a shout of laughter. From the corner of her eye, Kett caught her brother sniggering, but when she looked around he was politely enquiring of the duchess whether she was enjoying her dodo breast.

“Villagers?” the duchess honked. “Surely you must be joking!”

“Nope,” Kett said, picking up a roast potato with her fingers and taking a bite. “They like the fat ones best.”

The duke gave a nervous laugh. Kett ignored him and licked her fingers.

“And is this dragon-taming garb?” asked the duchess, looking Kett over as if she was daubed in pig shit.

“Nope, actually this is giving-a-lift-to-a-man-so-evil-he’s-invented-new-crimes garb,” Kett said, aware her shirt was thin, dirty and nearly transparent with dampness. “Is yours?”

The duchess looked outraged. Nuala was managing to keep a straight face. Kett’s brother was shaking silently.

Kett lit up a cigar and wafted the pungent smoke toward the duchess. “Which reminds me, Dad, Striker says hi.”

Her father, the infamous Tyrnan of Emreland, laughed out loud and reached past her for the gravy. “Damn, Kett,” he said, “you need to come home more often.”

Kett wasn’t so sure about that. Sure, it was entertaining, but she wished to hell the duke and duchess would get the hint and leave. How much more obnoxious did she have to be?

How much more obnoxious could she be?

“I say, my dear, isn’t it awfully cold up in the Northern Province this time of year?” the duke brayed.

“Freezes your tits off,” Kett told him cheerfully. “Well, not yours. Maybe your ladyship’s, over there. Amount on display, she’d get frostbite to the nipples in no time.” She picked up the dodo breast and ripped a piece off with her teeth.

The duchess went purple.

Happily, before she could say anything, Wilden entered the room and said something quietly to Nuala. Her eyes grew wide and she stared at Kett.

“Boyfriend?” she cried. “Kett, you never told us you had a boyfriend!”

Kett was fairly sure she looked like a deer caught in the beam of a coach lamp.

“Er, I haven’t,” she said, and attempted a smile. “Wills, stop flirting with me. I can’t be your girlfriend. I ain’t posh enough.”

Wilden bowed and said, “A Mr. Bael Var is here to see you, miss. He says he is your boyfriend.”

Kett’s stomach performed a somersault. She actually felt the smile fall from her face.

“Here?” she asked stupidly. “Now?”

“Yes, miss,” Wilden said. His eyes sparkled a little. “Both here and now.”

Everyone was staring at Kett. Nuala looked amazed; her father, brother and sisters disbelieving. The duke and duchess looked annoyed.

And the thought occurred to Kett that if anyone was obnoxious enough to get rid of these two uninvited guests, it was Bael.

“Sure,” she said to Wilden. “Send him in.”

Wilden looked a little surprised but bowed and went off to do just that.

Kett found herself wishing she’d changed out of the dirty, scorched shirt and washed her face. Which was stupid, she thought immediately, because a) Bael had seen her looking a hell of a lot worse; and b) she wasn’t trying to impress him. Not at all.

“You have a boyfriend?” her half-sister Eithne breathed.

“How is it possible I did not know this?” Eithne’s twin, Beyla, shook her head.

“Which asylum did he come from?” their brother Tane asked.

“What’s he like?” Nuala begged, and Kett, mildly shocked at her own behavior, answered without thinking.

“Big,” she said. “And mad. And loud. And…” She frowned, formed a mental picture of Bael and described what she saw. “He shouts at kelfs, ’cos he’s scared of them, I think. And he picks fights with them when he’s angry. And he gets thrown in jail sometimes. And he doesn’t think in straight lines. But he can be sort of kind when he wants to. And he’s very persistent. No, stubborn. He’s sort of…” She scrunched up her face, trying to describe him. “About eleven, really, inside. Well, maybe sixteen,” she amended, thinking of his unstoppable interest in sex.

A small silence followed.

“Well, he sounds…charming,” Nuala said.

“He sounds like a lunatic,” Tyrnan replied.

“He sounds perfect for you, Kett,” Tane offered.

The duke and duchess, for once, were silent.

“Would anyone like more wine?” Nuala asked to fill the silence.

“Yes,” Kett said. She had a definite feeling she was going to need it. Glugging a large amount, she wiped her mouth and said, “Listen. He doesn’t know about the whole shapeshifting thing, so don’t tell him, all right?”

“Why not?” Nuala asked.

“Because…” Kett said, scrabbling for an excuse that wasn’t because I don’t want him to have any reasons for us to be together. “Because I haven’t mentioned it yet, and I’m looking for the right moment so I don’t, you know, freak him out.”

Nuala nodded. “Very sensible. All right, we won’t say anything.”

The footmen opened the double doors again and Wilden opened his mouth to announce Bael, who walked straight past him, threw his arms wide, dropped his bag on the floor and cried delightedly, “Kett!”

And Kett’s hormones performed a standing ovation. Gods’ pieces, she thought as her body straightened up and her feet carried her over to him without her brain intervening. It’s only been a few hours since I saw him. And he’s a certified lunatic. I just told my family so.

Which was why, for sure, she walked right up to him and kissed him hard on the mouth, her arms going around his hot body, her legs trembling as he licked into her mouth and ran his fingers through her tangled, smoky hair.

“I’m pleased to see you too,” he said, grinning.

Kett’s heart was thumping so loudly she almost couldn’t hear the rest of the room.

He’s here. He’s hot. You forgot to ask him about the cave and the symbols.

Yes, that was why she was clinging to him like a limpet and breathing in his scent with her eyes closed. Because she wanted Bael for information.

“Sure you don’t have a boyfriend,” her brother said. One of the girls giggled. The duchess muttered something under her breath about impropriety.

Kett decided something. Curling her arm around Bael’s neck, she murmured in his ear, “If you can get Duke and Duchess of Fuck-off out of here,” she indicated them with a flick of her head, “I will go down on you the minute we’re in private.”

Bael didn’t hesitate. Swinging around, he presented his hand to the duchess.

“Howdy,” he said cheerfully. “Wow, what a wig. I didn’t know dead cats were in fashion.”

***

There was silence until they heard the front door slam behind the duke and duchess.

Her father broke it. “I don’t know who the hell you are,” he said to Bael, “but I like you.”

“Amen,” Tane chimed in. “Why were they still here?”

“Short of calling the guards, I’d run out of ideas,” Nuala apologized.