direct all that wide-eyed excitement at me it turns my stomach upside down.” He cupped her chin in his hand and rubbed his thumb lightly across her lower lip. “I’ve fallen in love with you, and I’m worried because you’re sending me such a mixture of signals. Sometimes I think you’re beginning to like me, and then all of a sudden panic sets in and you get all bristly.”
Fallen in love with her! Chris felt as if someone were squeezing the air from her lungs. “I don’t want you to fall in love with me,” she gasped. “And I certainly don’t want to fall in love with you.”
“What’s wrong with me?”
Chris found herself smiling at his injured tone. “Nothing’s wrong with you. That’s the problem…you’re perfect. You’re attractive and sensitive and fun to be with. I could easily fall in love with you…if I wanted to fall in love.”
Ken plunged his hands into his pockets and studied her. “You don’t want to fall in love?”
Chris turned away from him and nervously smoothed an imaginary wrinkle in her sweater. Of course she wanted to fall in love. Everyone wanted to fall in love. Real love must be wonderful. But fake love is awful…and she obviously wasn’t capable of telling the difference. She’d thought Steven had loved her. What a laugh. She folded her hands in front of her to keep from fiddling with the sweater. “I can’t fall in love,” she told him quietly.
“Why not?”
“It’s too painful.” She heard her voice falter and took a deep breath to pull herself together. “I have a very nice life. I don’t have any intention of complicating it with an emotionally draining relationship.”
Ken crossed his arms over his chest and studied her. “I can understand how you feel. You’ve had a terrible experience, and you’re afraid to let yourself love again. But it’s wrong for you to judge me by the asinine behavior of another man.”
Chris turned and faced him. “Right or wrong has nothing to do with it. It’s simply survival and motherly instincts and my own personal limitations. I’m not ready to open myself up that much to someone again. I may never be ready.”
Chris lowered her eyes and inspected her shoe. The ensuing silence seemed thick with tension and bitter thoughts. Finally Ken cleared his throat, and she looked up.
His eyes sparkled with mischief. “So, you don’t want to get married, and you don’t want to fall in love. How do you feel about casual sex?”
Chris felt a grudging smile tug at the corners of her mouth. “I don’t do casual sex.”
Ken slid his hand to her waist and drew her to him, burying his face in her curly hair. His lips were warm, and soft and coaxing. His tongue teased lightly over hers. She felt him savor the kiss as if it were a forbidden and rare delicacy, and her heart responded to the compliment with an aching desire for more. They parted slowly, watching each other dreamily, delighting in the sensual intimacy that lingered. Chris felt him withdraw. A look of questioning uncertainty flickered in his blue eyes for just a moment and was replaced with resolute calmness. Then he sighed and held her at arm’s length. “If you don’t want to fall in love, and you don’t want to have meaningless sex…what the hell is this that’s happening between us?”
Chris bit her lower lip. “It’s a total lack of willpower. There’s something about you that turns me into mindless overheated mush.”
“Mindless overheated mush? Is that anything like gruel? Or Quaker Oats?”
Chris threw her hands into the air. “It isn’t funny. I hate it-and it’s all your fault. No one else has ever done this to me; you have some horrible effect on my hormones.”
His eyes opened wide in pleased surprise. A smile twitched over his mouth. “Really?” he said, gloating. “How terrible!”
Chris observed his unabashed glee with embarrassed fury. “And you should be ashamed of yourself. Here you are taking advantage of my…affliction.”
He grinned at her in silent amazement. “Affliction? If I thought you were serious I’d really be mad.”
“I am serious,” she snapped, more out of momentum than seriousness.
He held the curve of her jaw in his hand. “You’re a healthy, sensuous, responsive woman. That’s a beautiful gift, not an affliction. And you’re wrong about my taking advantage of the situation. I don’t want you doing something you’ll regret just because I stir up your hormones.” He tapped her temple with his index finger. “When I take you to bed it will be all of you. Your lovely illogical mind included.” He spun her around and pushed her toward the front door. “We’ll talk about this more over dinner. If you don’t hurry, you’ll be late for work.”
Chris checked her watch and grimaced-she had no time in her schedule for knee-weakening kisses or men falling in love.
Ken reached into the hall closet and extracted Chris’ ski jacket. “It’s supposed to be cold today-maybe some snow,” he told Chris, zipping her into the coat as if she were going off to kindergarten. “Be careful driving home.” He gave her a slow, lingering kiss and playfully swatted her behind as she swung through the door.
She turned with an indignant profanity on the tip of her tongue, decided that a simple pat on the backside didn’t warrant that much hostility, pressed her lips together in fury, and hurried to the truck. After all, she admitted, she was mad at Chris Nelson, not Ken Callahan. Ken Callahan hadn’t actually done anything wrong…darn it.
Bitsy leaned against the rink guardrail and smiled at Chris. “You look like you have a lot on your mind.”
“Mmmmmm.”
“I can’t tell if you’re depressed or elated. You have the most peculiar expression on your face.”
“Then it registers my mood perfectly.”
“A man?”
“Mmmmmm.”
A devilish grin spread across Bitsy’s face. “The man in the truck?”
“Yeah,” Chris sighed. “Did I tell you he’s living with me?”
Bitsy’s eyes widened. “Fast work!”
Chris wrinkled her nose. “No. It’s nothing like that. Well, it is sort of…oh hell! Aunt Edna rented him the downstairs of the house.”
Bitsy tipped her head back and bellowed out a laugh. “Good old Aunt Edna. Somehow, I’m not surprised.”
“That’s not even the worst of it. My cousin Stephanie went into labor yesterday, and Edna flew off to Kansas City to help out with the twins. And she took Lucy with her.”
Bitsy looked more interested by the second. “So it’s just the two of you in the house?” She giggled.
“You can stop thinking whatever you’re thinking. Nothing happened.”
“You sound disappointed.”
Chris slouched against the barrier. “I don’t know. He’s really yummy, but I’ve finally gotten over that stinker, Steven. I don’t want to let another man into my life. My life is calm and orderly, now. It’s comfortable.” Chris screwed up her face for emphasis. “It’s been over seven years since I’ve been really intimate with a man, and I haven’t missed it…until Ken arrived on the scene. Now it’s like an obsession. An enormous all-consuming blot on my life. Three days ago I didn’t know this man existed, and now he’s all I think about. I can’t get near him without coming unglued. I do everything but drool.” She touched her hands to her cheek. “Look at me. I get hot flashes just thinking about him.”
“Wow.”
“And if that isn’t bad enough…I even like him.”
Bitsy looked horrified. “I think you’ve slipped a cog somewhere.”
“My cogs are fine.” Chris bent to adjust one of her skate laces, then straightened with a sigh. “I just don’t want to complicate my life. I have my work and Lucy and Edna; I don’t have the time or the energy for a love affair. And I’m a terrible judge of men-what if he turns out to be another Steven Black?”
Bitsy fixed her with a direct, steady gaze. “There’s only one Steven Black.”
It was true, Chris admitted as she parked the truck in front of her town house that evening. There was only one Steven Black, and it wasn’t fair to judge Ken by Steven’s failings. She sat for a moment watching the promised snow sift down in giant flakes and melt on the hood of the truck. It clung tentatively to the already frozen lawn and cement sidewalk. The front porch light had been turned on to welcome her home, and soft lights glowed behind the drawn living room curtains. A small thrill of happiness fluttered through her stomach at the cozy scene. Her armor was definitely slipping. She’d do better to overlook the homey welcome and conjure images of virile spiders waiting
