Lucy lined her peas up across the middle of her plate. “I can’t eat these peas. My nose is all clogged, and you can’t eat peas when your nose is clogged.”
Chris smiled at her daughter. “That’s true. I noticed that myself the last time I had a cold.”
Ken caught the conversation. “I read about that the other day in the ‘Health’ section of the Post. They were talking about how it’s a medically proven fact that you can’t eat peas when you have a cold.”
Edna looked at Lucy’s peas. “Hmmm,” she admitted grudgingly, “I suppose it is hard to get the little devils down when your nose is stuffy.”
“You could eat ice cream when you have a cold,” Lucy told them seriously. “’Cause ice cream is slippery, and it goes down easy.” She looked at Ken. “Did you read anything about ice cream?”
“I didn’t read anything about ice cream, but I know for a fact that there are Popsicles in the freezer made with real fruit juice. One of those Popsicles would probably be just the thing you need.”
Aunt Edna shook her head gleefully. “Isn’t he something? Right there with the perfect answer.”
Chris and Ken exchanged conspiratorial glances. “Yeah”-Chris smiled-“he’s something.” She looked at her watch. “I hate to eat and run, but I have lessons scheduled for tonight.”
Ken pushed away from the table. “Come on, Lucy. Let’s get Popsicles, and then I’ll read you a story. I found one about monsters.”
At nine-fifteen Chris returned home to a dimly lit house. The porch light was on, but there were no lights glowing cozily in the living room windows.
“Ssshh,” Ken warned, as she opened the front door. “Everyone’s asleep.” He motioned to Edna, sitting slumped crazily in the rocking chair, her feet firmly planted on the floor, her skirt dipping between her stout knees. Ken motioned to go upstairs. “Let’s go to your room. I want to talk.”
Chris crept along after Ken. “I feel like a fugitive,” she whispered. She dropped her ski jacket over a chair and sat down on the bed. “Why is Edna sleeping in the rocking chair?”
“She wanted to wait up for you but fell asleep.”
Chris sprawled onto her back.
“Mmmmm,” Ken moaned. “I wish you wouldn’t do that. Why don’t you sit up…or go stand in a corner?”
“You were the one who suggested we come up here.”
“To talk. You don’t know what this day has been like.”
“Let me guess. Aunt Edna?”
“She’s indomitable. She never gives up. And she’s crazy!”
Chris held her hands up. “Stop.” She patted the bed next to her. “Settle down and tell me what happened.”
“All afternoon she told me what a great wife you’d make.” His eyes traveled the length of her and came to rest on her mouth. “I already knew that,” he said softly. He leaned forward to kiss her and stopped just before touching her parted lips. He stood abruptly and resumed his pacing. “Edna put Lucy to bed at seven and then all of a sudden…wham. She started with this lecture about how men never bought what they could get for free, and that she wasn’t going to tolerate any hanky-panky.”
Chris put her hand to her mouth to keep from laughing. The mental picture of her squat little Aunt Edna intimidating big strong Ken bordered on the ludicrous.
He shook his finger at her and tried to choke back a laugh of his own. “You think it’s funny?”
“You’re just upset because she figured us out…and now you’re going to have to sleep in your own bed.”
“Damn right!”
They looked at each other for a moment and simultaneously burst out laughing. “That woman scares the hell out of me,” Ken finally gasped.
Chris wiped the tears from her eyes. “I thought you two were evenly matched, but I was wrong. You’re a pussycat compared to Aunt Edna.”
They were startled by thumping on the stairs as Edna stomped and mumbled. “Hmmmph, you’re an old ninny,” Edna told herself. “Falling asleep in a rocking chair like some pea brain in an old people’s home.” She rapped on Chris’ bedroom door. “I know you’re in there, Kenneth Callahan.”
Chris opened the door.
“Don’t you know nothing about catching a man?” Edna scolded. “After you got ’em hooked, you don’t go giving away free samples.”
Ken tried to look offended. “How do you know I’m hooked, Aunt Edna?”
Edna waved him away with her hand. “You’re hooked, all right. It’s written all over your face.”
“Edna, one; Callahan, zip,” Chris whispered to Ken. “Let’s see you top that.”
Ken put his arm around Edna. “Okay, Aunt Edna, you’ve got me. I guess I’m just going to have to marry her.” He glanced at Chris. “She’s kind of skinny. And she gets crotchety in the morning, but, what the heck? I suppose I can learn to live with that.”
“Marry her? Well, don’t that beat all!” Edna slapped her thigh and beamed, puffing her cheeks up into dimpled apples.
Chris glared at the two of them. “I might not want to get married.”
Edna’s eyes widened in disgusted disbelief. “What do you mean you might not want to get married?”
“I’ve known this man exactly eleven days. I picked him up on a highway, for goodness sake! For all I know he could be an escaped ax murderer from Lorton prison. And then there’s his job. When he doesn’t have a broken arm and a broken toe, he’s flying all over the place. I don’t want another husband that’s a globetrotter. If I ever get married again, it will be to someone nice and dull. I want a man who lacks ambition.”
Edna shook her head. “What a boob.”
“And besides, that’s the worst proposal I’ve ever heard.”
“Yeah,” Edna agreed, “it wasn’t such a hot proposal.”
Ken looked thoughtful. “Did you mean it about wanting someone dull? Someone that lacked ambition?”
Chris kicked her boots off and removed the heavy rag wool sweater she’d been wearing. “I suppose the dull and unambitious part is negotiable…but I definitely need a better proposal.”
Ken lowered his voice an octave. “Aunt Edna, if you would leave us alone for a little while…I think I could manage to be more romantic.”
“Hmmph. I bet you could. Well, no sirree. There’ll be no funny stuff while I’m living under this roof.” She turned him around and began pushing him toward the door. “Go on, now. Chris needs her sleep.” She herded him to the top of the stairs and shook her finger. “And don’t you come sneaking back up. I might be old, but I’ve got top-notch hearing.”
Chris heard Ken chuckling as he descended the stairs. He was getting a kick out of all this, she thought; he must have had some very lonely years to be able to appreciate her protective family so much. Her heart turned at the thought of him spending the night downstairs-alone. She contemplated talking to Edna about sleeping arrangements and decided against it. After all, they weren’t married, and she had to consider Lucy. She didn’t want Lucy discovering a man in her unwed mother’s bed. That wasn’t the sort of value system she hoped to instill in her daughter.
Chris undressed and pulled a flannel nightshirt over her head. She climbed into bed and closed her eyes, thinking that life was sweet. And fate was even sweeter. It had all started with some smart-aleck greedy mechanic who had charged her 245 dollars for a glamus. And it had led to Ken Callahan.
Ken sipped his juice and watched Chris as she hurriedly ate her egg and swilled down a cup of coffee. She looked up at him and smiled happily.
“Sometimes just looking at you knocks the air out of me,” he admitted, his voice filled with astonishment. “How did this happen to me? After all these years…how could I have fallen so ridiculously and painfully in love?”
Edna clattered into the kitchen. “Awful mushy talk for the breakfast table.”
“Yeah. I get romantic when I don’t have to cook my own eggs in the morning.”
Chris wiped her mouth and crumpled her napkin onto the table. “Better watch it,” she warned, grinning, “Edna’ll cut your KP vacation short.”
Ken looked at Edna working in the kitchen, cleaning a frying pan. “This is a short vacation, anyway. Edna says this afternoon we start getting ready for Thanksgiving. We’re going to order a fresh turkey.”
