history lesson in how not to be like my father. There won't be anyone I can fuck up the way you did the job on Sheila and Jeff.'
She put her head into the opening between the rooms, showing a sly smile.
'We don't think your behavior had anything to do with writing. We think the Mythical Father used writing as an excuse for just about everything. That's how we analyze the matter, Daddy. We think writing was never the burden and the sorrow you made it out to be but as a matter of fact was your convenient crutch and your convenient alibi for every possible failure to be decent.'
'What does a stage manager do anyway?'
Her smile widened and she looked at him as if he'd made the one remark that might prove he loved her.
'I remind the actors where they're supposed to fall in the death scene.'
Gail came out of the bedroom and got a jacket from the closet.
Bill said, 'Am I chasing you out of here? Stay around and referee. An Old Testament sandstorm is falling on my head.'
'I have my hypnotist tonight. He's my last hope of taking off pounds.'
'I tell her try not eating,' Liz said.
'She says it like it's common sense. I have an outside range of maybe eight days' strict diet and then something comes on automatic and I know I'm cleared of blame and guilt.'
'Talk to my father. Writers have discipline.'
'I know. I envy that. I could never do it. Sit down day after day.'
'Army ants have discipline,' Bill said. 'Don't ask me what writers have.'
Gail went out and the two of them sat down to dinner. He had his daughter figured for the senior dyke in this tandem, the decision-maker and stancher of wounds. He tried being impressed. He poured the wine he'd bought after he left the taxi and went wandering in the area looking for familiar streets and houses because he realized he had no idea what the name of her street was and couldn't find her address or phone number in his wallet and wondered how the hell he expected to get into the apartment even if he knew where she lived and finally spotted a phone and called information and she was not only listed but home.
'Now, look, I'm trying to remember what else I might have left behind last time.'
'Gail wears your robe.'
'Hypnosis. It could be the answer to everything.'
'You left a billfold with traveler's checks and passport. Look surprised, Daddy.'
'I've been wondering where the hell.'
'You knew where it was. That's why you're here, isn't it?'
'I'm here to see you, kid.'
'I know.'
'Christ, I can't make a move.'
'It's all right. I don't spend my time obsessing over Daddy's motives.'
'Only his negligence.'
'Well there's that of course.'
'Actually I wasn't even around when you were born. Ever hear about that?'
'Only just recently.'
'I was at Yaddo.'
'What's that?'
'It's a retreat, a place where writers go for some ordinary fucking peace and quiet. In fact this is the institution's motto, engraved on a frieze over the entranceway. The u in 'fucking' comes out as a v, in accordance with classical precedent.'
He looked up from his food to see if she was smiling. She seemed to be thinking about it. He helped her clean up and then called Charles Everson in New York.
Charlie said, 'Your man Scott showed up not long after you left. I was in the boardroom for a luncheon meeting. He apparently raised something of a ruckus in the lobby. Tried to get up to our offices. Security finally called up and asked me to speak to him. He wanted to know where you were. Of course I couldn't tell him because I didn't know.'
'You still don't.'
'This is true, Bill.'
'You didn't say anything about our London chat.'
' London is the last thing I'd tell anyone. But he's not an easy fellow to pacify. I finally had to go down there and talk to him. First I convinced security to produce the guard who accompanies special guests. Then the guard convinced Scott that he took you up and he took you down and you weren't lying dead in the elevator. Eternally riding. A warning to us all.'
They talked about arrangements.
Then Bill said, 'He'll call you. He'll keep calling. Not a word.'
'I haven't revealed a thing about you to a single soul in twenty-five years, Bill. I keep the faith.'
When Gail came back they played rummy for a while. The women wanted to go to sleep and Bill tried to keep them going with card tricks. The wine was gone. He read for an hour and made up the sofa, recalling how cramped it was. Then he found a scratch pad and a pencil and made notes for some revisions on his novel.
Scott came out of the bathroom with toothpaste on a brush. He looked at Karen, who was sitting up in bed watching TV. He stared, waiting for her to see him. There were times she became lost in the dusty light, observing some survivor of a national news disaster, there's the lonely fuselage smoking in a field, and she was able to study the face and shade into it at the same time, even sneak a half second ahead, inferring the strange dazed grin or gesturing hand, which made her seem involved not just in the coverage but in the terror that came blowing through the fog.
He stared until she turned and saw him.
'Then where is he?' she said.
'I'll figure it out. It's been a long time since he was a step ahead of me. Bastard.'
'But where could he go?'
'Somewhere that makes sense only to him. But if it makes sense to him, I'll eventually figure it out.'
'But how can you be sure he's not sick or hurt?'
'I went in the building and talked to them. We had an actual scuffle, some bumping and pushing. They have security at the level of war is imminent. Anyway it's clear to me he just walked out the door.'
'Well then I think he's with Brita.'
Scott stood with the toothbrush held level across his chest.
'He's not with Brita. Why is he with Brita?'
'Because why else would he stay in New York?'
'We don't know he stayed there. We don't even know for sure why he went there. He told me it was just a visit with Charles Everson. Everson told me they talked about the new book. No, he hasn't been in touch with Brita or I'd know it. The phone bill came the other day. The calls would be itemized.'
''Maybe she called him.'
'No, he's got something deeper. He's down deeper somewhere.'
'He's running away from his book again.'
'The book is finished.'
'Not to him.'
'He never left without telling me where he was going. No, he's down deeper this time.'
He went in and brushed his teeth. When he came out he stared at her until she realized he was looking.
'We need to do lists,' he said.
'But if he's not here.'
'All the more reason. We need to give his workroom a good going-over.'
'He doesn't like us in there.'
'He doesn't like me in there,' Scott said. 'I believe there are times in the night when he definitely consents to your presence. In the night or in the late afternoon when I'm out buying the onions for the stew.'
'Or the cucumbers for the salad.'
