Caroline looked up and narrowed her eyes when we walked in.
'We're just shopping today,' Lula said. 'I was real happy with my dildo, and I thought I'd come back and browse.'
'We've got a one-day special sale on electronics,' Caroline said. 'In case you're interested.'
'I might be interested,' Lula said. 'I had a Madam Orgasmo, but I burned out the motor.'
I made an unsuccessful attempt to choke back a snort of nervous laughter. I turned my back on Lula and made a show of being engrossed in a display of erotic oils. There was Lickit and Luvitt Chocolate Love Cream. Kama Sutra Slick, rub it and it gets hot, blow on it and it gets hotter. Spank Me Peppermint Cooling Cream. Pleasure Jelly to minimize friction and avoid irritation, enriched with vitamin E and completely edible.
Here's the thing about all this stuff… some of it I thought looked like fun. And truth was, I wouldn't have minded if Joe brought some of it home. I just felt like an idiot buying it for myself.
'She's got some good electronics,' Lula said to me. 'You want to come take a look?'
'No, that's okay,' I said. 'I'm trying to decide on these oils.'
'I think you should come take a look,' Lula said. 'I might need you to, you know, help me out here.'
'Those oils are all overpriced,' Caroline said. 'You're better off buying one of these vibrating miracle makers and they throw the oil in for free. It's a lot better bargain.'
'Gee, I really don't need a miracle maker though,' I said. 'I got a house full of them already.'
'Well, I need a miracle right now,' Lula said to me. 'You got any miracle makers in your bag? Do you see what I'm saying?'
'Sorry,' I told her. 'I left my miracle maker at home. It's in my cookie jar.'
'What's going on?' Caroline said. 'You two aren't thinking about trying anything funny, are you?'
Lula reached in her bag to get her gun but Caroline was faster. Caroline hauled the shotgun out from under the counter and pointed it at Lula's head.
'You better be reaching in that bag to get your credit card,' Caroline said.
'That's just what I'm doing,' Lula said. 'You sure are an untrusting person.'
'I'm thinking you both want to buy one of these Lady Workhorse cordless personal massagers. And I'm even going to throw in extra oil,' Caroline said.
I glared at Lula and forked over my credit card.
'Its not so bad,' Lula said when we were in the Mini. 'It's not like you got something useless. You'll get years of satisfaction out of this machine. Just don't go for thirds on account of apparently that's what freezes up the motor.'
I dropped Lula back at the office and sat at the curb for a while. I wanted Scrog to find me. I wanted to make contact and be done with it. I wanted the nightmare to be over for Julie and Ranger and everyone involved. After a couple minutes I called Ranger.
'Is anyone tailing me?'
'Not that I can tell.'
'Where are you?'
'Across the street, half a block south.'
'Now what?'
'Now we go home and order take-out.'
Fifteen minutes later, I opened the door to my apartment and Ranger followed me in.
'This is frustrating,' I said.
'He's out there, waiting for the right time to make his move. Probably he's enjoying the foreplay. We need to be patient. The police are scrambling, looking for him to be recognized. We're working from a different direction. We're playing the game with him.'
I tossed my purse and the Pleasure Treasures bag on the kitchen counter and rooted through the drawer where I kept all the take-out menus.
'What do you feel like?' I asked Ranger. 'Chinese, Italian, pizza, fried chicken?'
Ranger shuffled through the menus. 'Chinese. I'll have brown rice, steamed vegetables, and lemon chicken.'
And this is the problem with Ranger. I could spend a lot of time in bed with him, but he'd drive me nuts in the kitchen. I called the order in, adding Kung Pao chicken, fried rice, fried dumplings, and a piece of their Great Wall of Chocolate cake.
'When was the last time you talked to Morelli?' Ranger wanted to know.
'When I came home to change clothes.'
'You should check in with him. See if anything new is going on. Let him know you're working tonight.'
I slouched against the counter. 'I hate lying to Morelli.'
'You're not lying,' Ranger said. 'You're omitting some information. And if it makes you feel better, I'll make sure you work tonight.'
I did an eye roll and dialed Morelli.
'What?' Morelli said.
'I was just checking in.'
'Sorry, I'm still at work. Some big bad gangsta just took about fifty rounds in front of the B amp;B Car Wash and set a new world record for leaking out body fluids. They're not going to have to embalm this guy.'
'Anything new on Julie Martine or Carmen?'
'Nothing. We're waiting on DNA from Carmen. I'd like to spend some time talking to you, but I have to go. I'll be doing paperwork on this until tomorrow morning. Miss you. Be careful.' And Morelli disconnected.
'Some guy got ventilated in front of the B amp;B Car Wash,' I told Ranger. 'Morelli's working it.'
'Morelli's a good man with a sucky job,' Ranger said.
We were still in the kitchen and Ranger glanced over at the Pleasure Treasures bag. 'You must really like that store. You keep going back.'
'I don't want to talk about it.'
He looked in the bag and smiled. 'Lady Workhorse?' Ranger read the hype on the box. 'Hours of pleasure guaranteed.'
'You're going to torture me with this, aren't you?' I said.
Ranger took the gadget out of the box. 'I think we should take it for a test drive.' He turned it on, and it hummed in his hand. 'Feels good,' he said. 'Gentle action.'
'You're an expert?'
'No,' he said, shutting it off, setting it on the counter. 'I'm not really a gadget man.' He took the bottle of oil out of the bag. 'This holds more interest for me. Let's see what this does.' He opened the bottle, poured a drop into the palm of my hand and rubbed it with his fingertip. 'What do you think?'
'It's warm!'
'It says on the bottle it tastes like cherries.'
He touched his tongue to my oiled palm, and I felt myself go damp, and I worried my knees might buckle.
'W-w-well?' I asked.
'Cherries.'
The doorbell rang, and I sucked in some air.
'Are you expecting anyone?' Ranger asked.
'The food.'
'This fast?'
'They're just around the corner on Hamilton.'
Ranger capped the oil and got the door. And we carted the food into the living room to eat in front of the television.
'Scrog has been in Jersey for five days,' I said. 'He has to be staying somewhere. He has to be buying food. Why aren't we turning anything up? Where's he getting his money from?'
'You don't need money if you have a credit card. And he knows how to scam credit cards.'
I speared a dumpling. 'I'm not good at waiting.'
'I've noticed.'
