'The mistake was to leave last night. If you'd been here this morning you could have talked to him.'
'Omigod, what the heck would I say?'
'You could keep him on long enough for a trace,' Ranger said.
'My line is bugged?'
'Of course it's bugged.'
I looked at my watch. It was almost nine. 'Is it okay if I stop at the office first?'
'As long as you're here by noon. I want you to change your recording.'
'I have to go to work,' I said to my mother.
'Its Thursday,' my mother said. 'And I know you usually come for dinner on Friday, but Valerie and the girls and Albert are coming tomorrow. Would you and Joseph rather come for dinner tonight?'
'Probably. I'll have to ask him.'
I walked into the bonds office and noticed that for the first time in almost two weeks the inner sanctum door was cracked open. I threw my shoulder bag on the couch and gave Connie raised eyebrows.
'He's back,' she said.
I heard rustling in the inner office, the sort of sound rats make running through leaves, and Vinnie opened the door wide and stuck his head out.
'Hah,' Vinnie said to me. 'Decided to show up for work?'
'You got a problem?' I asked him.
'I'm drowning in FTAs. What the hell do you do all day?'
Vinnie is a cousin on my father's side of the family, and it's not a comfortable thought that he swam out of the Plum gene pool. He's slim and boneless with slicked-back hair and pointy-toed shoes and Mediterranean coloring. The thought of him married and reproducing sends chills through me. Still, in spite of his shortcomings as a human being, or maybe
'You're writing too much bond,' I told him.
'I need the money. Lucille wants a new house. She says the one we have now is too small. She wants one with a home theater. What the fuck is that, anyway?'
Meri was watching from her card table. 'Maybe I could start going out with Stephanie and Lula,' she said. 'I wouldn't be any help in the beginning but maybe eventually I could pick up some of the easier skips.'
'Maybe eventually,' Lula said.
'Not eventually,' Vinnie said. 'Now! Get out there
Connie, Lula, and I knew who would kill him, and it wouldn't be Lucille. It would be Lucille's father, Harry the Hammer. Harry didn't like when Lucille was disappointed.
'How did the nursing home go last night?' I asked Lula.
'We had to quit early. The feathers gave two people an asthma attack. I'm going out on my lunchtime to get us new outfits. We have a big job coming up Sunday night at the Brothers of the Loyal Sons, and we're calling an emergency practice so Grandma can learn the moves. We're doing a dress rehearsal and everything.'
A floral delivery van double-parked in front of the office and a guy got out and carted a vase of flowers into the office. 'Is there a Stephanie Plum here?'
'Uh-oh,' Lula said. 'Morelli must have done something wrong.'
I took the vase and put it on Connie's desk and read the card. TIL DEATH DO US PART. NOT LONG NOW.
'What the heck?' Lula said.
'One of my many secret admirers,' I said. 'Probably some serial killer who just broke out of prison.'
'Yeah,' Lula said. 'I bet that's it. Those serial killers are known for being romantic.'
'Did we get any new skips in?' I asked Connie.
'None this morning. The one high-end bond we still have out is Lonnie Johnson. I'd really like it if you could get a line on him.'
The front door banged open, and Joyce Barnhardt stalked in. She was still in black leather, wearing the stiletto-heeled black leather boots and the skin-tight, low-slung black leather pants and black leather bustier with her boobs squishing out the top. Her red hair was teased, her long artificial nails were polished and sharpened, her glossy red lips looked about to explode.
'I've got it! I've got the death certificate,' she said. She let the paper float down onto Connie's desk and she turned her attention to Meri. 'Who's this?'
'New BEA,' Connie said.
'You look like a cop,' Joyce said to Meri. 'Did you used to be a cop?'
'No,' Meri said. 'But my father was a cop.'
Joyce turned back to Connie. 'I want my money. This is as good as a body receipt, right?'
Connie wrote Joyce a check, and Joyce tucked the check into the pocket on her black leather pants.
'Aren't those pants hot?' Meri asked Joyce.
'Gotta look the part,' Joyce said. 'And nothing says bounty hunter like black leather. Toodles, ladies, I've got a date with a bad guy.'
'Maybe that's my problem,' Lula said when Joyce left the office. 'I don't look like a bounty hunter. But hell, I'd sweat like a pig in those pants.'
'I have things to do,' I told everyone. 'I just wanted to check in. I'll be back in an hour or so, and then we should go after Charles Chin.'
Lula walked me to my car. 'It was the Ranger nut who sent you those flowers, wasn't it?' she asked.
'Yes. And he left a message on my phone this morning.'
'And what about the funeral home? We left out the back door, but Meri said she was there, and you fainted, and then they locked all the doors and let people out one at a time. They were checking for the Ranger nut, weren't they?'
'He got behind me in the lobby somehow. We had a short conversation, and then he stun-gunned me.'
'You saw him?'
'Yes. It's strange. For a second, when you first see this guy you think Ranger. But then when you actually look at him you know it's not Ranger. And apparently he doesn't look like Ranger from the back or the side. Morelli and Tank weren't that far from me and didn't pick him out.'
'You be careful,' Lula said. 'You sure you want to go off on your own? I could ride with you.'
'Thanks, but I've got RangeMan surveillance. I'll be okay.'
Lula went back into the office; I locked myself into the Mini and called Morelli on my own cell phone.
'How's it going?' I asked him.
'Bob misses you.'
'I bet. What's on your dance card for today?'
'I'm doing a follow-up on a gang slaying. Between the feds and RangeMan and the maverick bounty hunters, there are so many people working the Carmen Manoso murder I get lost in the crowd.'
'The maverick bounty hunters are a problem. They're clutter.'
'Rangerman is working to get rid of them,' Morelli said, 'but they're like lemmings. You push a bunch off a cliff, and there are twice as many behind them.'
'I got a call from an old boyfriend this morning. I wasn't home when he called, so he left a message on the machine. And then he sent flowers to the office.'
'You're not going out with him, are you?'
'I don't have any plans at the moment. If I change my mind you'll be the first to know.'
'Appreciate that,' Morelli said.
'Everyone at the office thought the flowers were from you. Figured you'd done something bad.'
'What about you? Did you think they were from me?'
'No. You don't send makeup flowers. You send makeup pizza and beer.'
