Commitment Hour

hand back where it belongs.'

Carefully, I lowered my arm toward the box. Because my fingers had no feeling left in them, I had to use my other hand to pry my grip open. The mechanical hand-thing fell off me into the box and rocked a bit before lying still: flat on its back, fingers in the air… like a dead fly, legs up on your windowsill.

'So I suppose I failed your test,' I said as I straightened up.

'Idiot boy,' Hakoore rasped. 'It wasn't a test you could fail. I told you, I don't care about your opinions. I've chosen you as my disciple, and that's that.'

I massaged my fingers to try to get them working again. 'Then why hurt me if you never cared about my answers?'

He gave me a look. 'Had to get your attention, didn't I? Had to start you thinking. Had to let you know that a Patriarch's Man must be ready to be a ruthless bastard for the good of the cove.'

'I knew that already,' I growled.

He smiled… then suddenly slapped me flat across the face. It wasn't hard and it wasn't fast, but it stung like fire. 'You haven't seen anything yet,' he hissed. 'After you've Committed, you and I will get together with the Patriarch's Hand day after day after day. I'll get the warriors to hold you down if need be; Bonnakkut would like that. My own master had to hold me down a few times before I accepted my fate. You'll accept your fate too. Patriarch's Man.'

'I'll Commit female,' I snapped. 'You can't make me Patriarch's Man if I'm a woman.'

'If you do that, boy, I'll make your life hell. You know I can.'

'You can't. The most sacred tenet of Tober law is that we can each choose male or female, and no one can punish us for the choice.'

'Just wait and see,' Hakoore snarled. 'When I say you're going to be my disciple, boy, it's not a request. It's a calling from the Patriarch himself. A vocation. A command. Whatever you may have wanted to do with your life doesn't interest me. You are what the Patriarch says you are.'

With a last ferocious glare at me, he raised two fingers to his lips and blew a piercing whistle. 'Dorr! We're leaving.'

His granddaughter slid through the rushes immediately. In one hand she held a clump of bedraggled greenery; in the other was a knife nearly as long as Steck's machete. I suspect she had simply cut off the first bunch of reeds she'd seen, then hidden in the bulrushes to eavesdrop. She must have heard everything, Hakoore's sermon and his threats… but her face was devoid of expression. Without looking in my direction, Dorr gave Hakoore her arm and helped him clamber into the canoe.

'Your vigil is over,' the old man snapped as he settled in the prow. 'Go home. And even if the gods didn't send you a duck, you know what sex they want you to Commit.'

Dorr lowered her eyes. She must have felt ashamed for her grandfather, trying to influence my free Commitment choice. With a stab of her paddle, she pushed the canoe off the mud and stroked quickly out of sight.

NINE A Hush for Mistress Snow

So first I swore loud enough to panic every frog, duck and muskrat in the marsh. The curses were uncreatively repetitive, but heartfelt.

Then I massaged my fingers for several minutes until they could move again. They made soft cracking sounds when I flexed them, and I couldn't close them all the way to a fist, but it didn't feel like there was permanent damage.

I checked that I could still hold the violin bow. I could.

I checked that I could still hold a ferocious grudge against Hakoore. I was on top of that too.

Then I started the walk back home.

'Should I Commit male or female?' I shouted at a red-winged blackbird. It flew off without answering. Sometimes the gods visit Earth in the form of birds, but this one just seemed to be a dumb animal.

'Male or female?' I called to a garter snake trying to hide from me in long grass. The snake didn't budge a scale.

'Male or female?' I asked a squirrel on an upper branch of an elm. At least the squirrel made eye contact with me. I took this as an encouraging sign. 'You see, it's Commitment Day morning,' I explained, 'and I should have made up my mind by now.'

The squirrel decided my problems were too big for its brain… not surprising since a squirrel's brain is about the size of a ladybug. With a sudden leap, the squirrel scrabbled up the elm tree and out of sight.

'Thanks a lot!' I called after it. 'Consider yourself a fur scarf if I ever catch you!'

The squirrel didn't seem impressed. A fine Patriarch's Man I'd make if I couldn't even intimidate a tree-rat.

Not that I wanted to be Patriarch's Man.

Although it might be amusing to get Bonnakkut alone with the mechanical hand for five minutes. Find out if his talk about Cappie was all hot air.

No. Not the Patriarch's Man. Not the old snake's disciple.

And if I Committed female, Hakoore couldn't claim me. His threat to make my life hell if I became a woman gave me chills, but at least I wouldn't have to spend more sessions with him and the hand. Unfortunately, Committing female meant facing all the promises my sister self made to Cappie… including that promise to become the next Mocking Priestess.

Male or female: Patriarch's Man or Mocking Priestess.

The gods were conspiring to give me a future in theology.

When I reached town the streets lay empty, though the sun hung well above the horizon. What other evidence could you want that Commitment Day was a holiday? Cows needed milking and chickens clucked for feed, but other chores would wait till tomorrow. The perch boats wouldn't go out. The blacksmith's forge would stay cold. Water ran down the races at our sawmill and grist mill, but the wheels were locked, frozen for the day.

Even the women, cooking late into the night for the afternoon's feast, would take it easy for an hour now; their preparations were mostly over, and their men were home to watch the children. Fathers were eager to tend the children on Commitment Day — one last lump-in-the-throat chance to see the boys and girls before they became girls and boys.

Thinking about that made me walk faster toward Zephram's house. Waggett would take his first trip to Birds Home today. When he came back — when she came back — how long would it take her to notice how things had changed in her diapers? Over the years, I'd laughed at parents lurking near their children so they'd be present for the moment of discovery… but I fully intended to do the same with Waggett, to catch that look of surprise and curiosity on her face when she saw she'd been transformed.

Outsiders sometimes worried children would be traumatized by the change: former boys wailing that they'd lost something, former girls shocked by the sudden dangly addition. Not so. The reaction was always fascination and delight… or rather, fascination followed by delight as inquisitive fingers discovered interesting sensations when the new architecture was poked and prodded.

Outsiders worried about that too: parents smiling fondly as they watched their children play with themselves. Frankly, outsiders worried too much.

I could smell bacon frying even before I opened Zephram's kitchen door. I could hear it too: not a hot sizzle, but the soft whish of summer rain falling through birch trees. Zephram stood at the stove making dramatic gestures with his spatula, all to impress Waggett who sat giggling at the table. The boy's expression didn't change when he saw me — no cry of 'Da-da!' even though he'd spent the night without me. Oh, well. I'd left after Waggett was asleep, and had changed him during the night, so he probably didn't realize I'd been gone.

That's what I told myself anyway.

'So the great vigil's over,' Zephram croaked cheerfully. He always croaked these days until he had his first cup of dandelion tea. It was his only sign of age — over sixty and he still had all his hair, with no gray to mar the curly dark brown. Perhaps he'd grown a little rounder, perhaps he walked a little slower… but to me, that wasn't aging, that was just becoming even more Zephram-like than he'd been before.

'How did it go in the marsh?' he asked.

'More interesting than I expected.' I laid my violin on the sideboard and gave my knuckles a discreet rub. 'How were things with you two?'

'Waggett went the whole night without changing,' Zephram answered proudly. 'The boy has a bladder of steel.'

I ruffled Waggett's hair affectionately. Finally, he deigned to smile at me and try to grab my hands. 'Bahkah!' he said… which may have been his version of bladder, daddy, or bacon. For that matter, it may have been his version of Let's play a violin duet  — Waggett invented his own words and the onus was on grownups to figure them out. I picked him up, kissed him on the forehead… then remembered that the last time I'd played with my son, Female-Me had sidled in to take over my body. Women love playing with babies, and who can blame them? But I didn't want to do anything that might encourage her to come back. My sister self had caused enough trouble already.

Reluctantly I eased Waggett back into his chair. To turn my thoughts a different direction, I asked Zephram, 'You ever know someone in the cove named Steck?'

His back was to me. I saw it go rigid.

'Steck?' he croaked. 'Where'd you hear that name?' He didn't turn around… as if the bacon would take advantage of his inattention and jump out of the pan.

'Leeta,' I replied, picking the first person who came into my head. Given my oath, I couldn't tell Zephram the truth. 'Leeta roped me in for a solstice ceremony last night. She mentioned that she once had an apprentice named Steck.'

'I thought you weren't supposed to talk to anyone on vigil.'

'The Mocking Priestess stands outside the rules.'

'How do I get her job?' He poked the bacon sharply with his spatula.

'So you did know a Steck?'

He sighed… the way people sigh when they're trying to decide whether to admit to something they'd rather keep hidden. 'Yes,' he finally said, 'I knew Steck.'