“Why, Mr. Mishkin?” asked Juliet. She held her father’s arm tightly, as if needing the support.
“The report was on my desk, along with a list of ingredients for Drippin’ Chicken. You were working late — without prior authorization! You saw the papers and started yelling the minute I walked in the door. The darn thing was stamped ‘Top Secret’! You ought to be thrown in the stockade for reading classified materials!”
“So Juliet grabbed the report and you chased her,” Jupe said.
“Yes,” Mishkin said. “But I wasn’t trying to hurt her.” He looked directly at Juliet. “When your car went off the road in the rain, it was an accident. On my honor.”
“Why didn’t you do something to help her?” said Big Barney.
“I did. I stopped. I wanted to help her. But I had to protect my identity. So I called the police and made a complete report about the accident — anonymously, of course.”
“Dad,” Juliet said a little breathlessly, “I’m remembering it now. The crash — it was horrible!” She was almost crying. Big Barney put his arm around his daughter.
“For a while we thought Michael Argenti was behind this whole scheme,” Jupe said to Big Barney. “We followed him to one of your chicken farms and heard him talking about buying you out and changing the feed.”
“That little cockerel doesn’t know the difference between chicken feed and chicken salad. He changes his feed all the time. It must make his birds want to commit suicide,” said Big Barney. “But he doesn’t have enough money to buy me out, even in his dreams.”
“You even thought Dad was a suspect, admit it, Jupe,” said Juliet.
“Well,” Jupe said uncomfortably, “I couldn’t figure out why you were spitting out the Drippin’ Chicken after every take at the recording studio.”
“Everybody does that in food commercials,” Big Barney explained. “If you swallow the food every time, after thirty takes you’re full to the beak. Then you can’t look so happy about having to take another bite during take number thirty-one.”
Juliet turned to her father. “Dad, you’ve got a hundred hungry press people out there,” she said. “What are you going to do now?”
Big Barney fluffed his feathers for a moment, preening in thought. Then with a smile he said, “You just watch me.”
He rushed out into the ballroom and took his usual place — in the spotlight and behind a microphone.
“Good evening, ladies and germs. Hahahaha!” he began. “Now, I suppose you’re wondering why I called you all here tonight. I know that most of you think that Big Barney’s only out for a quick buck and a fast headline. So I guess you know me pretty well.”
The audience joined in with Barney’s laughing this time.
“Folks, I’m not here tonight to plug my delicious and famous fried chicken. And to prove it, in a few minutes we’re all going to be sending out for” — Big Barney choked a little on the next word — “pizza! That’s right. Pizza! And I’m sure you’re almost as surprised as I am about that.” Big Barney wiped his brow with a feathered arm. “But folks, I’m proud to announce something brand new,” he continued. “Tonight I am announcing the first ever Big Barney City Slicker Award, an award I plan to present every year to people who help to make this city a better place to live in. Now, because I’m too modest to give this award to myself, I’d like to announce tonight’s winners. And here they are and I love them like my own kids: Junior Jones, Pete Cranberry, and Bob Andersonville — better known to all of us as The Three Instigators. I’m honoring them in particular tonight for all the things they do behind the scenes — things you may not know about but that we’re all grateful for. So let’s give them a round of applause, folks, and tell them how we feel.”
As the audience applauded, Jupe, Pete, and Bob walked up into the spotlight, although Big Barney was taking up most of it.
Barney shook their hands and gave them lots of freebie coupons while waving and smiling at the TV cameras.
“Hey, guys, can’t thank you enough,” Big Barney said. “And I’m going to be floating on this publicity for months.”
“Anytime,” Jupe said with a sigh.
“Yeah, glad we could maximize you,” said Bob.
“For sure,” said Pete.
“Don’t look so hoof and mouth, guys, said Big Barney “Once your names hit the media with this award, you’ll be on the map. And always remember who put you there. Yours ever so truly. Hahahaha!
