Ascending

as burrows… or has small four-fingered hands… and I bend in the middle with perfect ease, thereby allowing me to sit wherever I choose.'

'I’m not saying you’re a Shaddill look-alike,' Festina replied, 'but your planet Melaquin was the earliest known settlement established by the Shaddill after Las Fuentes disappeared. The Shaddill may have created you as an artificial race who looked human enough to please people taken from Earth, but who had Shaddill-ish characteristics too. The secretiveness, the instinct to hide. They built you concealed towns and villages all over the planet; and they made you transparent, so you’d be damned hard to see, even when you ventured out into the open. If the Shaddill are, uhh, reclusive space gophers, they constructed you to follow in their footsteps.'

'And they taught you their language,' Aarhus put in. 'They didn’t do that with any other race they uplifted.'

'The other uplifted races were scientifically advanced,' Festina said. 'At least advanced enough to have launched a few rockets and satellites. But Oar’s people got picked up when they were still trying to get the hang of smelting bronze.' She puckered her brow. 'Makes you wonder why the difference. What did the Shaddill want with…'

'Children!' Lajoolie blurted out. 'The Shaddill wanted children.'

We all turned to look at her. I noticed Uclod turned faster than the rest of us — the little man’s head fairly snapped like a whip. Perhaps a man has especially rapid reflexes for responding when his wife broaches the subject of offspring.

Childlike, Most Childlike

'Uhh,' said Lajoolie, wilting under our collective gaze. 'It’s just… well… maybe the Shaddill wanted children. To watch growing up… and… playing… and… things. Because maybe they’d done something to change themselves from burrowing creatures into blobs of jelly, and maybe the blobs of jelly couldn’t have babies, or anyway not normal ones, so the Shaddill… Las Fuentes… were nostalgic for children. They created an artificial race that was sort of like what they used to be — secretive, you know, and hard to notice — but the kids would always be, uhh, childlike throughout their entire lives.'

She looked at me with her big brown eyes. 'Yes, childlike. And maybe the Shaddill couldn’t take care of the children one hundred percent of the time, so they brought in bronze-age humans to be, uhh, nannies. At least for the first generation. The Shaddill made the children look and act like humans, so the Earthlings would feel more comfortable tending them, but inside, the kids had attitudes that would make the Shaddill find them… lovable.'

There was a silence; for some reason, everyone was now looking at me instead of Lajoolie. 'But that is not how it was,' I told them. 'My people have stories and records. Flesh-and-blood Earthlings were brought to Melaquin, and the Shaddill asked, ‘Do you want your children to live forever?’ The Earthlings said yes, that is what they wanted… and the Shaddill changed the humans inside, so their offspring would be made of glass. My ancestors were not babysitters; they were loving parents who cared so much for their children, they desired us to be perfect.'

Festina put her hand on my shoulder. 'Oar — you shouldn’t put faith in your written records. The humans on Melaquin came from 2000 B.C. Almost no one on Earth could write back then… and if any of the settlers were literate, they’d write in their own language, not yours.' She took a breath. 'It must have been the Shaddill who wrote your history books.'

I stared at her, feeling a tear trickle down my cheek.

'It might not have been a total lie,' she said. 'The Shaddill may have altered the humans physically to become… surrogates. The women could have served as hosts for implanted embryos: they’d be more likely to take care of you if they thought you were their own children.'

'But if the Shaddill made us to be their children,' I said, 'why did they make our brains Tired?'

Silence. I was about to say, You see, I have defeated your arguments, when Nimbus spoke softly. 'Perhaps they didn’t want you to grow up.'

I whirled upon him. 'What do you mean?'

'Perhaps,' he said, still very quiet, 'there comes a time — even for beings designed to remain childlike as long as possible — perhaps there comes a time when childhood has to end. When the brain reaches a point where it must either become adult… or become nothing. And the Shaddill preferred you to be nothing.'

His fog wisped in close to me, brushed my cheek, then swirled toward the others. 'A while ago,' he said, 'Oar and I had a conversation about the Cashlings — how much they’ve degenerated since they were uplifted. Other races have too; even humans and Divians are getting worse.'

He paused, as if waiting to see if anyone would challenge him. The others said nothing; indeed, Festina and Uclod both nodded in solemn agreement. 'Suppose,' Nimbus said, 'the Shaddill are behind that degeneration. Suppose it’s not just the result of affluence and indolence, but something else: a poison, a virus, radiation, who knows? The Shaddill are advanced enough to sneak some subtle contamination into our environment without us noticing.'

'I find that hard to believe,' Aarhus said. 'With all the monitoring we do for pollution, medical threats, any sort of harmful influence—'

'Sergeant,' Festina interrupted, 'how long have we had FTL fields? Yet we never discovered how they could be strengthened by the sun. If the Shaddill could hoodwink us on that, why not something else? YouthBoost treatments, for instance — supposedly a gift from the Shaddill to help us all live longer. Every Technocracy citizen over twenty-five gets regular doses. If there was something in YouthBoost that very very slowly, over the course of centuries, damaged the human genome… caused cumulative mental regression…' She shook her head angrily. 'And YouthBoost is just the most obvious possibility. Degenerative agents could be hidden in any of the other so-called ‘gifts’ they gave us. Or disseminated in some other way entirely.'

'But the Shaddill wouldn’t do that!' Lajoolie protested. 'They’re good… and benevolent…'

Her voice trailed off. After everything that had happened, not even the warm-hearted Lajoolie could force herself to believe the Shaddill were generous benefactors.

'I think,' Nimbus said, 'the Shaddill have been waging a war against other sentient races for thousands of years. Not to conquer territory, but to suppress competition. When a species reaches the point where it’s beginning to venture into space, the Shaddill show up with armloads of gifts; and somewhere amidst those presents is a booby-trap that gradually turns the uplifted race into mental defectives who will never cause the Shaddill trouble.'

'But that is horrible!' I cried. 'Surely the League of Peoples would object.'

'No,' said Festina, 'not if the poison doesn’t actually kill. And not if the uplifted race accepts the gift freely. The League prevents outright murder… but it doesn’t stop anyone from making choices that are suicidally stupid.'

'But why would the Shaddill do such a thing?' Lajoolie asked in a trembly voice.

'Maybe from fear,' Uclod answered, taking her hand in his. 'Think about it from the Shaddill’s viewpoint — there were all these other intelligent races in the same region of the galaxy, and bit by bit,those races were developing their own technologies. Sure, the Shaddill had a headstart… but maybe they were afraid someone else would catch up. If another species was a tiny bit smarter or luckier or harder-working, the Shaddill might eventually get left in the dust. And what could they do to stop it? The League doesn’t tolerate violence, so the Shaddill couldn’t directly destroy potential threats. Instead, they got sneaky.'

'Trojan horses,' Aarhus murmured. 'Gifts that slowly but surely neutralized any race who was close on the Shaddill’s heels. Turning us all into vapid idiots like the Cashlings.' He turned toward me. 'Or even worse, what they did to your people on Melaquin. You might have been the Shaddill’s substitute children, but your creators didn’t want you growing up and becoming serious competition. So they damaged you mentally — made certain you’d never mature.'

'Yes,' Nimbus told me, 'by keeping your people childlike, the Shaddill eliminated you as a threat and made you all the more endearing: a society filled with happy healthy kids, rather than the usual messiness of a civilization run by adults. When your brains get to the critical point of Grow up or shut down… you’re designed just to go to sleep.'

'Not much better than dying,' Uclod growled.

'But,' Nimbus replied, 'less distressing as the Shaddill look down from the sky. That cute little boy they watched three hundred years ago… he’s not dead, he’s just at a slumber party with his friends. Perhaps the Shaddill could give him a stimulant so he’d get up for a while, walk around, show off the sweet little mannerisms that made his creators feel so fond. Then away they’d go again until the next time they felt like visiting the kids for a few hours.'

'Bloody hell,' Festina whispered. 'Very neat… and despicable.' She gave my shoulder a squeeze. 'If all this is true…'

I waited to hear how she would finish the sentence. But what could she say? If all this is true, poor Oar, poor you! It is too bad you face a malfunctioning brain because your creators wanted you lovable but helpless. We too find you lovable, and are charmed by your naive innocence; we will be very most sad when you finally fall to the ground and do not get up.

In the end, all Festina could do was give my shoulder another squeeze.

My Vow

I looked around at my companions — their somber faces, their eyes shifting away from me as if I were already some walking dead umushu whose gaze they could not meet — and for one brief moment, I nearly lost heart. These were my only friends in the universe, and they believed I was doomed: a wind-up toy to amuse foul aliens, and now I was running down. They thought of me as a frivolous child who did not understand the world, a person who had not grown up and could not grow up. For one brief moment, a great sorrow washed over my soul, as I feared they were correct.

Perhaps I was not a glorious heroine, destined for grandeur.

Perhaps I was just a silly girl-child who had filled her own head with nonsense — deluded herself into thinking she was special.

For I had to admit, my brain was getting Tired. It had been that way for the past four years. Recent events had temporarily stirred me from my stupor… but over and over again, I had almost slipped back to nothingness. How long before I reached the point of no return?

If the Pollisand was telling the truth, I could still be cured — provided I embraced his cause to 'wipe the Shaddill off the face of the galaxy.' When he first made his proposition, I had glibly answered, Yes, I shall help; but I had understood so little of who and what the Shaddill were. Even now… even now, there were only conjectures. I did not know. But if all those conjectures were correct…

…I wished to do more than just punch the Shaddill in the nose. I wished to keep punching and punching until they said they were sorry, and even then, I did not think I would stop. I truly wished to hurt them, not because I wanted to win favor with the Pollisand, but because it was what such villains deserved.

After all, working with the Pollisand might not save me why should I trust an alien to keep his word? The universe was full of betrayal. And what would it mean to be cured? Who would I become? A tedious plodding grown-up? A stodgy sighing person who did not fall down from Tiredness but who went around three-quarters Tired all day, pretending that because her feet were moving, her brain must still be alive?

Nimbus suggested I must become adult or become nothing; I did not know which option I feared more. But whatever happened to me, I swore I would not succumb to oblivion until I had made the Shaddill regret what they had done.

That was my vow. That was what I solemnly promised to the universe: to every glass elder lying comatose in a tower, to my original flesh-and-blood ancestors,