Her Fearful Symmetry

“Please,” Julia said. And in the end it was decided that Valentina would be interred in the Noblin family mausoleum, just as she had requested.

In the drawer Elspeth encircled Valentina, pressed her into a soft shapelessness, kept her from diffusing, kept her close. Here we are, Valentina, like marsupials in a pouch, waiting for developments. She wondered what Valentina knew, what she would remember. It was like being with a baby, not knowing what this tiny being was thinking, whether it could think at all. Elspeth did not remember the first days of her afterlife. Things had come on gradually; there was no moment of awakening, of sudden consciousness. She held Valentina close, sang her little songs, chattered to her about nothing. Valentina was like a hum, a buzz of being, but no words or thoughts escaped from her to Elspeth. Elspeth thought about the twins as infants. They had never slept or fed at the same time, they had drained her of energy and milk; they had seemed even then inseparable but individual. Well, you’ve managed to separate yourself rather thoroughly now, Valentina. In the drawer nothing much happened. The days went by. Soon-though time meant little to the ghosts-soon it was the day of Valentina’s funeral. It was time for something to happen.

Resurrection Day

AT EIGHT o’clock on the morning of the funeral Robert stood at Martin’s door, engulfed by the spill of newspapers. He tried to straighten them into piles but gave up when Martin appeared.

“Come in.” They moved through the flat to the kitchen. Robert sat at the table and Martin put the electric kettle on. Robert thought he seemed refreshingly normal and domestic compared to what was going on downstairs. You know you’re in trouble when Martin is the most functional person in the place.

“The funeral is at one, today.”

“I know.”

“Would you like to come? It’s all right if you can’t, you know, but I think Julia would appreciate it.”

“I’m not sure. I’ll call down if I can do it.”

“So I’ll put you down as a ‘No’?”

Martin shrugged. He held up two boxes of tea. Robert pointed to the Earl Grey. Martin put a tea bag in each cup. “How is Julia?”

“Her parents have arrived. Listening to Elspeth, I’d imagined they’d have three heads apiece and shoot fire from their eyes, but they’ve taken Julia in hand and they’re all, I don’t know, subdued together. None of us really believe it-they keep walking around the flat like they’re going to run into Valentina in the hall. Julia’s practically catatonic.”

“Ah.” Martin poured out the water. Robert stared at the stream. “They are staying in the flat?”

“No, at a hotel.”

“So Julia’s by herself in the flat?” “Yes. Her parents tried to get her to come to the hotel with them, but she wanted to stay in her flat. I don’t know why.”

“She shouldn’t be alone.” “Well, that’s what I came up to talk to you about. I want you to ask Julia up here tonight, and keep her here until I tell you it’s okay to let her go.”

Martin regarded Robert sceptically. “Why?”

Robert maintained what he hoped was an innocent air. “Julia shouldn’t be alone.”

“No, she shouldn’t be. But surely she’d rather be with her parents?”

“If necessary you can ask them up too.”

“You’re joking. You expect me to have Edie and Jack here? Have you looked at this place properly?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t realise you had.” Robert switched tactics. “Look, Martin, it’s life and death: you’ve got to help me keep Julia out of her own flat for a few hours. I can’t depend on Edie and Jack.”

“What are you up to?”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Try me.”

“It’s-a seance, of sorts.” “You’re trying to contact Valentina? Or Elspeth?”

“More or less.”

Martin shook his head, exasperated. “Surely this is not the moment? If you’re going to play about with that, can’t it wait?”

“It absolutely can’t wait.”

“Why can’t Julia be there?”

“I can’t explain. And you can’t tell her.”

“No. I won’t do it.”

“Why not?” Martin got up and paced around the kitchen. Robert instantly wished he had done this first, but they couldn’t both pace at the same time. That would be peculiar.

Robert said, “It won’t hurt Julia not to know. Here: I’ll make a bargain with you. If you’ll keep Julia here tonight, I’ll give you something you desperately want.”

Martin sat down again. “What’s that?” he said suspiciously.

“Marijke’s address in Amsterdam.”

Martin raised his eyebrows. He got up again and left the kitchen. Robert heard him walking across the hall into his office. He was gone for a while. When he reappeared he had a lit cigarette in one hand and a map of Amsterdam in the other.

“I thought you’d given up?” Robert said.

“I’ll quit again in half an hour.” Martin smoothed out the map on the table. Robert saw that it was covered with marks, notes, erasures. Martin pointed to a tiny red circle in the Jordaan. “There.”

Robert squinted, brought the minuscule words into focus. “Close, but no cigar.” They stared at each other. Robert smiled. “How did you happen to pick that spot?”

“I know her. She’s careful not to say much, but I remember things. We lived nearby, on the Tweede Leliedwarsstraat.”

“I’ll throw in her email address.”

“Marijke doesn’t do email.”

“She does. She’s had it for more than a year.”

“A year?”

“I’ll give you her address, email and a photograph of her apartment.”

“She sent you a picture of her place?”

“Several. Did she mention she’s got a cat now?”

Martin looked wistful. “Does she?”

“It’s a little grey cat named Yvette. It sleeps on Marijke’s pillow.” Martin sat quietly, smoking and staring at the map. “All right, you’re on. What do I have to do?”

Robert laid it out for him. It was simple, really; it was the only simple thing about that entire day.

When Jack woke up, Edie was standing in her nightgown at the French windows in the small hotel room, staring at the blue sky over the slate roofs of Covent Garden. He lay there watching her, reluctant to break into her thoughts. Finally he got up and went to the bathroom. Amazing how life goes on. Here I am pissing and showering and shaving like it’s any day, like we’re on vacation. Why didn’t we come and see them before? He wiped the last traces of lather from his neck and went back into the other room. Edie was still standing at the windows. Now her head was bowed. Jack walked to her and stood behind her, put his hands on her bare shoulders. She turned slightly.

“What time is it?” she asked.

“Eight fifteen.”

“We can call Julia.”

“I’m sure she’s been awake for hours.”

“Yes.”

They continued to stand that way, Jack’s hands weighing on her shoulders. Edie said, “I’ll call her.” Her cell phone didn’t work here, so she fumbled with the hotel phone, misdialled and redialled.