Lord Valentine's Castle

circle above him like a wreath of bright light, remaining aloft although Deliamber never touched them.

As Valentine approached, the Vroon gave a twitch of his tentacle-tips and the glassy shards fell instantly inward to form a close-packed bundle that Deliamber snatched deftly from the air. He held them forth to Valentine. 'Pieces of a temple building from the Ghayrog city of Dulorn, that lies a few days’ journey east of here. A place of magical beauty, it is. Have you been there?'

The enigmas of the dream-speaking night still lay heavy on Valentine, and he had no taste for Deliamber’s flamboyant spirit this early in the morning. Shrugging, he said, 'I don’t remember.'

'You’d remember, if you had. A city of light, a city of frozen poetry!' The Vroon’s beak clacked: a Vroonish sort of smile. 'Or perhaps you wouldn’t remember. I suppose not: so much is lost to you. But you’ll be there again soon enough.'

'Again? I never was there.'

'If you were there once, you’ll be there again when we get there. If not, not. However it may be for you, Dulorn is our next stop, so says our beloved Skandar.' Deliamber’s mischievous eyes probed Valentine’s. 'I see you learned a great deal at Tisana’s.'

'Let me be, Deliamber.'

'She’s a marvel, isn’t she?'

Valentine attempted to go past. 'I learned nothing there,' he said tightly. 'I wasted an evening.'

'Oh, no, no, no! Time is never wasted. Give me your hand, Valentine.' The Vroon’s dry, rubbery tentacle slipped around Valentine’s reluctant fingers. Solemnly Deliamber said, 'Know this, and know it well: time is never wasted. Wherever we go, whatever we do, everything is an aspect of education. Even when we don’t immediately grasp the lesson.'

'Tisana told me approximately the same thing as I was leaving,' Valentine murmured sullenly. 'I think you two are in conspiracy. But what did I learn? I dreamed again of Coronals and Pontifexes. I climbed up and down mountain trails. The dream-speaker made a silly, tiresome joke on my name. I rid myself of a royal better spent on wine and feasting. No, I achieved nothing.' He attempted to withdraw his hand from Deliamber’s grip, but the Vroon held him with unexpected strength. Valentine felt an odd sensation, as of a chord of somber music rolling through his mind, and somewhere beneath the surface of his consciousness an image glimmered and flashed, like some sea-dragon stirring and sounding in the depths, but he was unable to perceive it clearly: the core of the meaning eluded him. Just as well. He feared to know what was stirring down there. An obscure and incomprehensible anguish flooded his soul. For an instant it seemed to him that the dragon in the depths of his being was rising, was swimming upward through the murk of his clouded memory toward the levels of awareness. That frightened him. Knowledge, terrifying and menacing knowledge, was hidden within him, and now was threatening to break loose. He resisted. He fought. He saw little Deliamber staring at him with terrible intensity, as if trying to lend him the strength he needed to accept that dark knowledge, but Valentine would not have it. He pulled his hand free with sudden violent force and went lurching and stumbling toward the Skandar wagon. His heart was pounding fiercely, his temples throbbed, he felt weak and dizzy. After a few uncertain steps he turned and said angrily, 'What did you do to me?'

'I merely touched my hand to yours.'

'And gave me great pain!'

'I may have given you access to your own pain,' said Deliamber quietly. 'Nothing more than that. The pain is carried within you. You have been unable to feel it. But it’s struggling to awaken within you, Valentine. There’s no preventing it.'

'I mean to prevent it.'

'You have no choice but to heed the voices from within. The struggle has already begun.'

Valentine shook his aching head. 'I want no pain and no struggles. I’ve been a happy man, this last week.'

'Are you happy when you dream?'

'These dreams will pass from me soon. They must be sendings intended for someone else.'

'Do you believe that, Valentine?'

Valentine was silent. After a moment he said, 'I want only to be allowed to be what I want to be.'

'And that is?'

'A wandering juggler. A free man. Why do you torment me this way, Deliamber?'

'I would gladly have you be a juggler,' the Vroon said gently. 'I mean you no sorrow. But what one wants often has little connection with what may be marked out for one on the great scroll.'

'I will be a master juggler,' said Valentine, 'and nothing more than that, and nothing less.'

'I wish you well,' Deliamber said courteously, and walked away.

Slowly Valentine let his breath escape. His entire body was tense and stiff, and he squatted and put his head down, stretching out first his arms and then his legs, trying to rid himself of these strange knots that had begun to invade him. Gradually he relaxed a little, but some residue of uneasiness remained, and the tension would not leave him. These tortured dreams, these squirming dragons in his soul, these portents and omens—

Carabella emerged from the wagon and stood above him as he stretched and twisted. 'Let me help,' she said, crouching down beside him. She pushed him forward until he lay sprawled flat, and her powerful fingers dug into the taut muscles of his neck and back. Under her ministrations he grew somewhat less tense, yet his mood remained dark and troubled.

'The speaking didn’t help you?' she asked softly.

'No.'

'Can you talk about it?'

'I’d rather not,' he said.

'Whatever you prefer.' But she waited expectantly, her eyes alert, shining with warmth and compassion.

He said, 'I barely understood the things the woman was telling me. And what I understood I can’t accept. But I don’t want to talk about it.'

'Whenever you do, Valentine, I’m here. Whenever you feel the need to tell someone—'

'Not right now. Perhaps never.' He sensed her reaching toward him, eager to heal the pain in his soul as she had grappled with the tensions in his body. He could feel the love flooding from her to him. Valentine hesitated. He did battle within himself. Haltingly he said, 'The things the speaker told me—'

'Yes.'

No. To talk of these things was to give them reality, and they had no reality, they were absurdities, they were fantasies, they were foolish vapors.

' — were nonsense,' Valentine said. 'What she said isn’t worth discussing.'

Carabella’s eyes reproached him. He looked away from her.

'Can you accept that?' he asked roughly. 'She was a crazy old woman and she told me a lot of nonsense, and I don’t want to discuss it, not with you, not with anyone. It was my speaking. I don’t have to share it. I—' He saw the shock on her face. In another moment he would be babbling. He said in an entirely different tone of voice, 'Get the juggling balls, Carabella.'

'Now?'

'Right now.'

'But—'

'I want you to teach me the exchange between jugglers, the passing of the balls. Please.'

'We’re due to leave in half an hour!'

'Please,' he said urgently.

She nodded and sprinted up the steps of the wagon, returning a moment later with the balls. They moved apart, to an open place where they would have room, and Carabella flipped three of the balls to him. She was frowning.

'What’s wrong?' he asked.

'Learning new techniques when the mind is troubled is never a good idea.'

'It might calm me,' he said. 'Let’s try.'

'As you wish.' She began to juggle the three balls she held, by way of warming up. Valentine imitated her, but his hands were cold, his fingers unresponsive, and he had trouble doing this simplest of all routines, dropping the balls several times. Carabella said nothing. She continued to juggle while he launched one abortive cascade after another. His temper grew edgy. She would not tell him again that this was the wrong moment for attempting such things, but her silence, her look, even her stance, all said it more forcefully than words. Valentine desperately sought to strike a rhythm. You have fallen from a high place, he heard the dream-speaker saying, and now you must begin to climb back to it. He bit his lip. How could he concentrate, with such things intruding? Hand and eye, he thought, hand and eye, forget all else. Hand and eye. Nevertheless, Lord Valentine, that ascent awaits you, and it is not I who lays it on you. No. No. No. No. His hands shook. His fingers were rods of ice. He made a false move and the balls went scattering.

'Please, Valentine,' Carabella said mildly.

'Get the clubs.'

'It’ll be even worse with them. Do you want to break a finger?'

'The clubs,' he said.

Shrugging, she gathered up the balls and went into the wagon. Sleet emerged, yawned, nodded a casual greeting to Valentine. The morning was beginning. One of the Skandars appeared and crawled under the wagon to adjust something. Carabella came out bearing six clubs. Behind her was Shanamir, who gave Valentine a quick salute and went to feed the mounts. Valentine took the clubs. Conscious of Sleet’s cool eyes on him, he put himself into the juggling position, threw one club high, and botched the catch. No one spoke. Valentine tried again. He managed to get the three clubs into sequence, but for no more than thirty seconds; then they spilled, one landing unpleasantly on his toe. Valentine caught sight of Autifon Deliamber watching the scene from a distance. He picked up the clubs again. Carabella, facing him, patiently juggled her three, studiously ignoring him. Valentine threw the clubs, got them started, dropped one, started again, dropped two, started yet again, made a faulty grab and bent his left thumb badly out of place.

He tried to pretend that nothing had gone wrong. Once more he picked up the clubs, but this time Sleet came over and took Valentine lightly by both wrists.

'Not now,' he said. 'Give me the clubs.'

'I want to practice.'