Pacing up and down the small front room of the house in Bethnal Green, Maddy was beginning to jump at every sound.
“Sit down, Maddy. You’re wearing the carpet out.” Ellen was also anxious.
“She’s not going to ring, is she?” Maddy began to bite her nails; an old habit that she had been rid of these past two years, and now with all the troubles, it was back again. “What’s happening? Why hasn’t she got back to you?”
“The phone won’t ring any sooner with you looking at it every two seconds,” Ellen said quietly.
Maddy had a bad feeling about this. Her heart told her to get to the hospital as quickly as possible; her head urged caution. Either way, all this waiting was unbearable. She glanced at the mantelpiece clock. “Look at that. It’s already midday.”
Ellen shook her head. “That clock is always five minutes fast. Look – how about making a pot of tea? Oh, and don’t forget – I have two sugars.”
Realizing it would drive her crazy if she didn’t busy herself, Maddy went into the kitchen. No sooner had she put the kettle on than the shrill sound of the telephone ringing made her almost leap out of her skin.
Rushing back into the sitting room, she anxiously waited, watching Ellen’s every expression, every sign, with her heart in her mouth.
“Oh Connie, thank goodness.” Having picked up the receiver, Ellen listened with interest to what her friend had to say.
“She’s conscious and stable.” Connie had searched her mind and soul and had not been able to tell the lie Alice wanted. “They say she’ll be well enough to go home within a matter of weeks. But listen to me, Ellen. There’s something else…”
Before Ellen could question her she went quickly on. “Alice was on to me fairly quickly,” she admitted. “She knew I wasn’t just there to do my job. In the end I told her the truth – that I was there on an errand for you and Maddy – that Maddy was desperate to know how she was. That got her all agitated; she started panicking when she knew Maddy was with you. She said she had hoped Maddy would be long gone from London by now.”
The words tumbled out in haste. “She asked me to do something that went right against my nature. I can’t do it, Connie, I just can’t. It was awful. She begged me to let Maddy believe that she was dead! Oh Ellen, you should have seen her. She was really worked up. At one point I was worried she might have a fit and die on me there and then.”
“What’s she saying?” Anxious, Maddy moved forward. “Is Alice all right? Ask Connie to tell her, if she’s worrying about me, I’ll go in and see her. I know I promised not to, but she’ll understand, I’m sure.”
Fearful that Maddy might hear what Connie was saying, Ellen put her hand over the mouthpiece, “Be patient.” Her mind was racing. “It’s a bad line – I can’t hear what she’s saying.”
“Sorry, Connie.” Returning her attention to the phone call, Ellen lied, “I didn’t quite catch that last bit, can you repeat it?” She had heard clearly enough, but she couldn’t believe it.
Connie repeated it – how Alice had begged her to tell Maddy that she had not survived, because she knew that the girl would come to the hospital to see her. “… She said that if Maddy didn’t soon get away, you would all be killed, that’s what she said. Oh Ellen, I’m so afraid for you both. And the baby… I didn’t know. I’m sorry, but I couldn’t bring myself to fool Maddy into believing her friend was dead! How could I say a thing like that? It doesn’t bear thinking about, does it?”
Ellen could not disguise her shock at Connie’s unforeseen news. “Thank you, Connie,” she answered softly. “I’ll tell her. I’ll do what’s right, don’t you worry. I’ll see to it.”
Maddy had seen the look of shock on Ellen’s face. “Is something wrong? Alice is all right, isn’t she?” Her heart trembled. “What did Connie say?” More afraid than she had ever been in her whole life, Maddy’s heart turned over. “Tell me, Ellen. I need to know.”
In those few anguished seconds, Ellen had to make the most difficult decision of her life. Tears of regret flowed down her face as she spoke the treacherous words. “I’m sorry, Maddy…” She slowly shook her head. “I’m so sorry.”
For a long, shocking moment while she struggled to take in the enormity of Ellen’s words, Maddy was unable to speak. She stood transfixed, the color draining from her face as she saw the pain in Ellen’s face.
Pounding her fists against her temples, she crumpled into the sofa.
“It’s all my fault,” she wept. “If I hadn’t fought with
Just minutes ago, Ellen had believed that she was doing the right thing, but seeing her friend like this was so hard, she almost confessed to the deceit. But she didn’t, because after all was said and done, Alice was right. She truly believed that with every bone in her body; and her respect for Alice was tenfold.
“None of it was your fault,” she told Maddy. “You went away because he was giving you a difficult time and you needed to think. And I accepted his offer because I was not told what had happened between the two of you. I don’t believe we had any part in what happened between those two. It was always on the cards that at some time or another, they would face each other; two bad people wanting what the other had.”
But Maddy seemed not to have heard. With wide, shocked eyes she stared straight ahead, unseeing, her mind shattered with the terrible news.
Mortified at having deceived Maddy in such a cruel way, Ellen had to remind herself of how Alice had known Maddy far better and longer than she had. And if Alice was so desperate for Maddy to be told this untruth, it must be for the girl’s safety, and that of her unborn child.
And so, Ellen consoled herself with the belief that she had done this for the best reasons. Maddy was beside herself with grief at the moment, but in time she would get through it and survive. For survival was what all this was about.
Either way, it was done, and there was no going back.
And with that thought in mind, Ellen felt oddly comforted.
It was a long, lonely night for Maddy, and even though Ellen was in the room next door, waking at Maddy’s every move, the knowledge that Alice and Jack were both gone had left the young woman distraught beyond belief.
Hour after unquiet hour, the questions rampaged through Maddy’s tortured mind. Was it somehow her fault? Or was Ellen right, when she had said that none of us have any control over what happens?
Yes, that was it. And hadn’t she seen it in her own life so far – that no matter how much we fight and struggle, life sweeps us along, whether we like it or not?
But what about the new life inside her – a life for which she alone was now responsible? How could she ever take care of that tiny mite, without work, or even a place to call her own?
Placing the palm of her hand on her abdomen, she murmured, “I’ll take care of you, my baby. Whatever happens, your mammy will always put you first; always keep you safe.”
It was a daunting prospect, but Maddy had been through many trials in her thirty years. This was simply one more.
The most important one of all.
Nine
As morning broke the skies, Maddy remained resolute. There were urgent matters to be attended to, and decisions to be made. None of them easy, but all necessary.
Hearing Ellen moving about downstairs, and smelling the delicous aroma of bacon, she quickly washed and dressed and made her way down to the kitchen. It seemed odd, being here in a strange house, with someone she had known for such a short time yet with whom she had so quickly bonded.
For now though, all she could think of was Alice… and Jack; both kind and good, both murdered, simply because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time.
As she entered the kitchen, Ellen was there, looking tired and worried. “Maddy!” Rushing forward, she wrapped her arms about her. “How are you feeling? Did you manage to get some sleep?”
“Sort of…” Maddy gave a half-smile. With Alice gone, she wondered if she would ever sleep contentedly again.
Ellen walked with her to the table; she had seen the dark circles under Maddy’s eyes and she noticed how Maddy occasionally clenched her fists, as though warding off an attacker. There was no doubt in Ellen’s mind that the news she had so cruelly imparted to Maddy, had scarred her deeply.
“Look, come and sit down and have some breakfast,” she urged her friend. “I can see that you haven’t had much sleep. I daresay you’re still in a state of shock. Food and drink should help.”
“Thank you.” Maddy needed to talk with her, “Afterward, there’s something I have to tell you.” She knew Ellen would be appalled at what she was about to say. But she had a debt to pay. She owed Alice that much.
Ellen told her that she had been out to the corner shop to buy in some food. She had fried up some bacon and mushrooms, and there was a pile of hot buttered toast and a freshly brewed pot of tea. When they were each seated and were tucking into their meal, Maddy explained what was playing on her mind.
“Alice was divorced, and there are no children or close relatives, except for an elderly half-sister who passed on some two years back.”
“What are you getting at?” Ellen asked, pouring them both a second cuppa.
Maddy hesitated; it all seemed so unreal. “What I’m saying is, someone…” When her voice began shaking with emotion, she composed herself before going on. “Someone has to make sure Alice is put to rest.” She stopped to wipe the tears from her eyes.
Realizing that Maddy must have thought long and hard about this, Ellen simply listened and made no comment. Outwardly calm, inwardly her brain was working overtime as she wondered frantically how to cope with this new challenge. It was understandable that Maddy felt the need to take on such a responsibility. Alice had been her closest and dearest friend, and because Maddy was a warm and loving human being, she would see organizing the funeral as her bounden duty.
“Someone has to take care of everything,” Maddy insisted, “and if I don’t do it, who will?”
“So, you’re doing it because you believe there is no one else, is that it?” Ellen asked, seizing on this.
“That’s part of it, yes.” Then there was that deep-down need, to gaze at Alice’s face, in the undertaker’s parlor, for the very last time.
“Maddy?”
