“Do forgive me,” he said, “but I haven’t got much time. As you know, we don’t normally work nights.”
Right from the start the guy was trying to make me feel guilty. He was still standing and his smile couldn’t conceal the tension around his lips. I had been granted an audience under duress, and I was meant to realize as much.
“How funny, we just get going at night,” I chirped. “You know, the nightclub business.”
“Look,” he said, “let me be frank. Normally I don’t offer special treatment in cases like this. But Ponpon called. And was most insistent. She told me you required a fairly insignificant sum, and that you needed it immediately, tonight… Something about a difficult creditor or a routine payment of some kind. Of course, none of that interests us.”
“Yes…” was all I managed in reply.
“I think you’ll appreciate that large amounts of cash are not kept in the house. In fact, we don’t deal in cash at all. Our business is making money from money. We put everything to work, all we have. But you’re in luck. We’ve retrieved a certain amount just tonight.”
“Well, aren’t I the lucky one?” I grinned.
If he detected a note of sarcasm, he didn’t let on.
“How much do you require?”
When I didn’t answer, he continued, “As I told you, we never have much cash at hand.”
We’d never get anywhere if we went on in this vein. He was anxious to slap a cash loan into my hand at a not entirely exorbitant rate of interest and to see the back of me. And the sooner the better. The thought of taking his money and never paying him back gave me a certain wicked pleasure. After all, in his eyes I was the manager of a fifth-rate tranny club, a lowlife in difficult straits for reasons undoubtedly connected to the underworld, a credit risk who happened to be a friend of Ponpon’s. But I hadn’t come here to rip him off.
It was time to lay my cards on the table.
“Look,” I said, “the loan was just a ruse to get my foot in the door. There’s something else we need to talk about.”
As I talked, he became less smug, his shoulders falling along with his face. He even deigned to sit down across from me, growing more and more tense as he listened.
As I was finishing, I added, “Don’t forget. I’m on your side. I never really thought you’d killed Volkan. With your help, I can find out who did, and why. But I wasn’t happy about that business with the phone records. Just what did you think you were doing?”
He stared at me blankly.
“What can you prove?” he finally said. “You haven’t got a shred of evidence.”
“I have all I need.”
He laughed nervously.
“You mean nothing!”
His voice had reached a new pitch.
“I have enough evidence both for myself and-if it’s appropriate-the police.”
Once again, I was winging it. But I sincerely believed that with Cihad2000’s help we would turn up something.
He carefully scrutinized my face before looking deeply into my eyes. His left eye seemed slightly out of synch. If he wasn’t careful, he’d end up cross-eyed. It could be a blood sugar problem, I mused.
“You’ll have to excuse me,” he said. “I’ve got nothing to say to you. I told the police all they need to know. They’re doing their jobs. None of this concerns you.”
“Perhaps. But the police know nothing about the phone records.”
“That’s your problem. It has nothing to do with me. I didn’t even know about it. You’re making unfounded accusations and nonexistent connections.”
“But I can prove it…”
“Sure you can,” he said. “We’ll never get anywhere like this.”
Standing up, he walked over to the door.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got work to do.”
I was being thrown out. Slowly rising to my feet, I stole one last glance at the amazing view, hoping to keep the image alive forever.
“You know best,” I said. “I have no choice but to protect myself. If I find myself in trouble, don’t blame me for getting others involved-and that includes the police.”
Icy eyes were on my back as I left the room. I wished I had long hair, or at least a shoulder-length wig. I’d have proudly raised my chin, narrowed my eyes… and delivered a crushing toss of the head. Just a single toss. Like so. Humph!
The same two silent servants relayed me back out of the house and to the front gate.
Faruk Hanoglu could only have treated me this way because he had something to hide, or perhaps because of his intolerable insolence. But whatever the reason, I’d been unceremoniously thrown out! It was an official declaration of war. If that’s what he wanted, that’s what he’d get!
A dark red BMW slowed in front of me, blocking my path to the opposite pavement. Thinking the vehicle may have decelerated just for me, I leaned down and looked inside. Sitting in the driver’s seat of the car entering the front gate, which had silently swung open to allow access to the garden I’d left seconds earlier, was none other than Haluk Pekerdem, in all his glory.
He hadn’t even noticed me. Haluk Pekerdem! Me! Unnoticed! I was furious! Hurt! I took it hard… I needed to be loved and desired, especially by someone like him. I ran to the opposite pavement.
Waiting for a taxi in the chill air of the Bosphorus, I hissed out a cloud of steam and the words “This means war.”
Chapter 23
I’d had more than enough humiliation, degradation, and mortification for one night, and was now filled with a burning desire for revenge. I mean, really, who did they think they were? Fire smoldering in my belly, I applied
“A real doll. What a doll… Masallah!” I said to the reflection in the mirror, taking care to spray it with a healthy dose of spit to ward off the evil eye.
I was on a roll. Unless my fury faded away, I’d be hell on wheels at the club tonight, taking it out on the boys, making them hop and jump. I considered the way they treated me when they were cross and their transparent efforts to hide their resentment.
If DJ Osman played ludicrous tracks, claiming they were the latest hits, I’d shit in his mouth. He’d had it coming for a long time. The second I turned my back he’d play Sertab Erener, stretching my nerves like an overly taut bowstring. And when I’d intervene, he’d grin an apology out of the corner of his mouth. How many times had I told him that I simply would not have either that voice or its vessel in my club. If he tried it tonight, he’d be eating the shattered pieces of that shrill siren’s CD before he knew what hit him.
And as for Cuneyt, that groveling excuse for a doorman… the slightest slipup in manner, word, or conduct would be noted ruthlessly on the spot. In any case, the boy was too simpleminded and pure of heart to take a hint, and his earnest response would only serve to sharpen my wrath further. So be it. Once I was through the door there would be any number of targets to choose from.
It would be tough to stick it to that incorrigible boy lover Sukru. He’d put up with whatever I dished out. After all, the club was his idea of paradise, and he wouldn’t allow it to be spoiled by anything I, his nominal boss, said. He’d simply tilt his head to one side, gaze into the distance, and put his trust in God.
And then there was Hasan! I had a real mouthful for him, an unending litany of abuse. I suddenly remembered that Hasan had wanted to talk to me. Even though we couldn’t be considered close, he’d always come through for me, no questions asked. It’s funny, though. He’d never expected me to reciprocate, almost as though he was determined to keep his distance.
I realized that I’d never made a special effort to get to know him better, or to lend him a hand. All I’d done was criticize and condemn. He, too, surely needed a kind word and a show of respect from time to time. I thought about his family, the one he never mentions but that I know live somewhere in Istanbul… the men, women, or boys he’d no doubt fallen for but never spoken of… the fact that to date he had not once complained or grumbled about his life to me or anyone I knew… Who knew what he suffered in private, the difficulties he faced in coming to terms with himself and his place in the world?
As I pondered the riddle of Hasan, the wind went out of my sails, blustery malice replaced by an almost maternal inner stillness. It was an unfortunate development: The grudge I harbored against Haluk also vanished. Those amazing eyes and wondrous face appeared in my mind’s eye, and all was forgiven. He’d been reelevated to divine status. I imagined myself folded in his arms. And instantly turned to jelly. As I caught myself caressing my own arms, which were wrapped around my own body, I cursed aloud. Had I fallen in love, just like that? Where would it lead? Let’s say my wildest fantasies came true, just once. Would he be prepared to divorce that rich, condescending, and stylish wife of his? Or would I become his mistress? An unfortunate and unreciprocated love. A tiresome and tiring adventure, the ill-fated course of which was clear from the start! That’s all I needed right now!
Resentment welled up once more, buoyed by a bubbling pool of self-pity.
“Hey!” I scolded myself aloud. I had no intention of returning to those dark days, of becoming a sorry creature with the mental faculties and
Cuneyt was not manning his customary spot at the door when I arrived. His absence must be due to the chilly weather or an unusually slow night at the club. I pressed the tiny doorbell and waited. After peering out through the grate, Cuneyt quickly opened the door. I handed him my cape, which was as thick as a blanket. After looking me up and down, and obviously unsure what to say, he fixed his eyes onto my face. I tossed him a hard look and entered.
It was nearly empty inside. Just two or three customers to a full ensemble of girls. Bored, they’d flocked to the dance floor. When Cise saw me she hastily bundled her free-floating breasts back into her blouse. She’s perfectly aware I won’t permit such displays. Zero tolerance.
Sukru winked as he gave me my virgin Mary. I asked how he was. He responded with a smile. After handling Hasan I’d return to his side prepared to listen
