“Don’t come here!” Nolan called out. “Go back!”
Too late.
A man’s head appeared above floor level.
At first I wasn’t sure.
Then I was.
The man froze, then reversed and thundered down the stairs.
Slidell bolted after him.
I could only stare in confusion.
WITH HIS WEAK JAW AND LONG TEST-TUBE NOSE, TED RAINES did in fact resemble a bottlenose dolphin. Adding to the effect, at the moment his forehead and cheeks were shiny and gray.
Raines was slumped across Nolan’s sofa. Slidell stood glaring down at him, face sweaty and flushed. Both men were breathing hard.
Nolan and I were across the room in cheesy Kmart armchairs. She’d thrown a fuzzy blue robe over the naughty lingerie.
“What the fuck are you thinking?” No more Columbo. Slidell was furious.
Raines just kept panting.
“Do you know how many people are looking for you, you dumb shit?”
Raines’s head turtled down between his shoulders.
“Your wife’s got every cop shop in Dixie hunting your bony ass. BOLO dispatches are out in three states.” Slidell was so keyed up, he’d slipped into police code. Be On the LookOut.
“Stop harassing him.”
Slidell swiveled to face Nolan. “You got something to say?”
“Ted’s wife is not a nice person.”
“That so?”
“Ted needed some time out.”
“Time out?”
Slidell closed in on her with two angry strides. Nolan shrank back, as though fearful of a blow.
Across the room, Raines seemed to collapse inward even more.
“Time out? That what you call this?” Slidell flapped an angry arm between Nolan and Raines.
“You’re scaring me.”
“Be scared. Be very scared.”
“We haven’t done anything illegal.”
“Yeah? Well, you and lover boy are about to experience a busload of shit coming down on your heads.”
“We’re in love.”
“That’s so sweet I may puke.”
“It’s true.” Petulant. “Besides, we haven’t hurt anyone. Why are you being so mean?”
“Please don’t blame her.” Raines was still sucking air.
Slidell whipped around. “She thinks I’m mean? I’ll tell you what’s mean, you worthless piece of shit. Disappearing without a bump in your thoughts to enjoy a little poontang with Miss Sex Kitten Slut over here. Letting your wife and kid wonder if you’re dead in a ditch, and letting a hundred police officers spend time searching for you.”
“You can’t talk to us like that.” Nolan’s fingers were twisting her robe sash so tightly the knuckles bulged white.
“Ever hear of alienation of affectation? Maybe we should all query Mrs. Raines. See if she thinks anyone’s been hurt.”
I cringed at Slidell’s mangling of the legal term, but said nothing.
“Ted’s going to ask for a divorce,” Nolan said. “Isn’t that right, sweetheart?”
Raines now looked like jelly on the couch.
“Ted?”
Raines’s gaze remained pointed at his knees. Slidell charged back across the room and jabbed a finger at him.
“While you’re here sharpening your Captain Winkie skills, you don’t give a flying fuck what kind of shitstorm you might be causing?”
Slidell’s face was now the color of claret. I thought it best to lower the intensity.
“Just for the record. How did you two hook up?”
