the locker, and a lump started to form in the back of my throat.
Ben cleared his throat, and I saw that his eyes were watery. He looked embarrassed that I’d noticed, and he stepped away from me, cracking his knuckles as he went. I guess that was the manly thing to do to cover up embarrassment or something.
“I need to get to work,” he said. “See you on Monday?”
“Yeah.” I shifted my book bag again. “See you then.”
Ben turned and started walking backward down the hall. “We need to hang out again soon,” he called. “Maybe get something to eat?”
He raised one hand in a salute, and then disappeared around the corner. Smiling to myself, I headed to the main door and pushed my way out into the late afternoon sunshine. Cyn was standing on the curb outside, looking at something, with one hand shading her eyes from the sun. She let out a low whistle when I came near.
I followed her gaze across the street just in time to see a black Mustang turn slowly around the corner. A flash of white-blond hair glowed, and I could have sworn I saw a silver Rolex watch on the wrist hanging out the window.
Panic chased a ribbon down my spine, and I stood ramrod straight.
“Such a hot car,” Cyn mused. “God, what I wouldn’t give to take a ride in that.”
“Looks dangerous,” I said, stepping away from her. “I’d stay away from him-
She didn’t say anything, and I moved away from the curb. Angling myself firmly in the opposite direction, I started toward the cemetery.
“It was just a stupid car,” I said to myself out loud as I kept walking. “You can’t be positive that it was him. There’s no reason to worry everybody. Let it go. Just drop it.”
Nodding my head in self-affirmation, I tried not to think about Vincent anymore.
Or the fact that I wasn’t going to tell Caspian he might be hanging around.
Chapter Seven. UNCERTAIN
It is said by some to be the ghost of a Hessian trooper, whose head had been carried away by a cannon-ball …
– “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow”
When I got to Caspian’s mausoleum, he was inside reading a book by candlelight. I was so happy to see him that I couldn’t stop a huge smile from taking over my face. It would be even better when I could finally touch him.
“Got your note,” I said.
He put the book down onto the floor. “Hey, beautiful. How was school?”
I moved toward the wrought iron bench that sat against the wall nearest me. Shrugging off my book bag along the way, I replied, “It was fine.”
He came and sat next to me.
“They put us all on lockdown for half the day because a car backfired outside and someone thought it was shots being fired. But other than that, nothing exciting.”
I leaned forward and let my head hang down, hair cascading around my hands. Scrunching up my fingers, I gently massaged my scalp. “They reassigned Kristen’s locker to a new girl,” I said quietly. “Cyn.”
“How was she?” he asked.
“She was nice, I guess. But she thought Kristen was still alive because I mentioned it being her locker.”
“Awkward.”
“Yeah.”
Caspian got up for a minute, and when he returned, there was something behind his back. “Speaking of …”
He held out a drawing to me.
It was Kristen. A drawing of Kristen. In her favorite red corset shirt and hippie-style jeans.
“How did you …?” I said.
“I saw you guys in the cemetery last year. This is what she wore, right?”
I nodded and took the drawing from him, stroking the outline of her face. Cheekbones, jawline, eyes … Everything was right. Even in her black-and-white world, he had captured Kristen’s vivacity. It was there, in the slight tilt of her chin, the excited look in her eyes, the way she stood. Happy and ready to experience anything.
“It’s beautiful, Caspian,” I said. “Absolutely beautiful. It’s her. She’s here. Now she’s always here.”
And then I burst into tears. Huge, racking sobs that rolled and shuddered through my body.
“Hey,” Caspian said. “Hey, Astrid. It’s okay. Don’t …”
He moved closer, but he couldn’t hold me. Couldn’t put his arms around me, or move my hair back away from my face. Instead he just did the best thing he could. He let me cry.
“I can’t believe she’s really gone,” I said through my tears. “It was my first day … alone … and her locker …” I cried harder. “I don’t know what to do. I can’t be me without her. I don’t know who I am … or what I am. I’m empty. Just a shell.”
Caspian leaned in close to my ear. His voice was low and soft. I had to slow my breathing to catch what he was saying. “You’re
I gripped the drawing and looked up at him. “Kiss me,” I said suddenly. Desperately. “Please. Please, somehow … just find a way to kiss me.”
Sorrow filled his eyes. And heartbreak echoed in his voice. “I’m sorry, love. I can’t.”
Sighing, I leaned back against the bench. Defeat made me weary. Every bone in my body was tired. This was so hard. … “I know,” I said softly.
We sat in silence for a while, in that close space with death surrounding us, until he said, “Tell me your best memory of her.”
But I couldn’t choose just one. So I talked until I couldn’t remember any more.
The next day was better. And worse. Caspian took me to a movie to try to cheer me up. Of course there wasn’t any popcorn sharing or make-out sessions during the boring parts, but for two hours I got to pretend to be
It was all just a dream, though. A fantasy. Gone as soon as the credits rolled and the lights came on.
“I bet they don’t even realize how lucky they are,” I said under my breath, glancing back as we walked out of the theater and passed a particularly obnoxious girl who was swallowing her boyfriend’s tongue. “They have no
We walked past another couple who looked like they were two seconds away from public nudity. “Get a room,” I growled.
The girl looked up at me and glared, which just made me madder. “Jealous?” she sneered.
Ignoring her, I kept walking. But I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.
“It’s not fair,” I said angrily to Caspian, not even realizing that my tone was growing louder. “They have everything. Right in front of them. But do they appreciate it?
Someone bumped into me.
