The Hidden

year’s worth of touching.

It wasn’t nearly enough time.

Eventually we got dressed. Him in a pair of jeans and an old T-shirt that had once been Dad’s, and me in jeans and a dark blue sweater. I grabbed a large flannel blanket and made us each a steaming mug of hot chocolate, and then we went to the front porch. The swing was out there, and so were the stars.

We cuddled together in the dark, safe in our big, comfy blanket. One of his hands rested securely on my hip, and one of mine rested safely against his heart. He hummed a soft lullaby as I looked up into the night sky and made wish after wish after silent wish.

The hour was fading. And my heart started to hurt.

“Astrid,” he said suddenly, shifting his body away from mine. “I have something for you.” He reached into his jeans pocket. I could tell by the change in his body language that he was nervous.

I sat up. “What is it?”

He held out his hand, opening his fingers slowly, and there sat a ring.

The stone was oval-shaped, a color somewhere between ruby red and pink grapefruit. Delicate filigreed scrolls of dark metal flared out around it, holding the jewel in place. Eight tiny matching jewels dotted the edges. Even in the dim light, it sparkled.

“It was my grandmother’s,” he said softly. “My dad gave it to me a long time ago, and I kept it safe in the treasure box that we found back at my old house. I can’t exactly ask you to marry me, as much as I want to, since I spend most of my time hidden from the rest of the world.” I opened my mouth to interrupt, but he shook his head. “Just let me finish.”

I nodded, and he continued. “But I want you to have it as a promise of my forever. Whatever that is. Whatever I can give you. You have all of it. All of me.”

I held out a shaky left hand, and he slipped the ring onto my hand. It fit perfectly.

I reached out to cup his face, the ring solid on my finger. Like it had always been there. “I promise you forever too,” I vowed. “Whatever that is. Whatever I can give you. You have all of it. All of me.”

“Astrid,” he whispered, closing his eyes. “Astrid …”

I closed mine too, and our lips met, clung. Frantic words of love and eternity passed between us. Utterances of sacred vows that meant more than anything we’d ever said before. And when I started to taste salt, I knew where it came from.

I didn’t bother to wipe the tears off my face.

Chapter Twenty-three. THE DAY AFTER

The hour was as dismal as himself.

– “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow”

My feet were cold, and I wondered why the blankets weren’t covering them up all the way. I tried to dig my toes further into the bedsheets, but felt only a hard surface beneath me. Eyes opening, I looked around.

I was outside, on the porch swing. A flannel blanket was sliding off me.

Caspian sat on the front steps, staring out into the yard. He must have heard me moving, because he turned around. “Morning, beautiful.”

“Morning.” I wrapped the blanket more securely around my shoulders and walked down to sit next to him. “Sorry I fell asleep.”

His smile was sad. “It’s okay.”

Without even thinking, I leaned my head against him. Or at least tried to.

The sensation of falling over hit me, and I jerked upright. Our time was over. It was November second. He couldn’t touch me anymore.

I knew I wouldn’t be able to hide the tears, so I quickly stood up. “I’m going inside. I need to …”

But I couldn’t finish. I raced for the safety of the bathroom and sat on the edge of the toilet lid, weeping until my heart couldn’t break anymore and I had no tears left to cry.

When I was done, I still didn’t feel any better. All I wanted was to be able to talk to someone. Someone who had been through this. Someone who knew exactly what I was feeling. Katy. Go talk to Katy.

Katy was the perfect person to talk to! She had been in my situation. Exactly.

Stumbling to my feet, I barely managed to remember to run upstairs and get dressed. Caspian was sitting at the window seat, looking out the window. He must have come up while I was in the bathroom.

“I’m going to take a walk,” I said.

But he didn’t respond.

I threw on a different pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. Grabbing my jacket, I went over to him. “Hey,” I said softly. “Are you ignoring me?”

He looked up at me, eyes faraway. “What? No. Sorry. I’m just distracted. Thinking.”

I wanted to touch his hand. His face. Anything. Instead I stuffed my hands deep into my pockets. “I won’t be gone long,” I told him.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“To see Katy.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

I answered carefully, trying to avoid explaining why I wanted to talk to her. “That’s okay. I think, after yesterday, I just need … I think I just need some time. To deal with this whole not-being-able-to-touch thing again.”

I softened my words with a smile, and he smiled back.

“Okay,” he said. “Take your phone and be careful. I’ll be here.”

I gave him a smile again, but I walked out of the bedroom quietly, my head full of questions that didn’t have easy answers.

I made my way through the woods that would lead me to Nikolas and Katy’s house, and when I got there, Nikolas was working out in the yard again. He saw me approaching and waved excitedly.

“Hi, Nikolas!” I said.

The front door was open, and he called for Katy to join us. She came out with knitting needles in hand. “Abbey!” she said. “I’m so happy to see you.”

I ran to her and wrapped her in a hug. She smelled faintly of lavender and tea. “I’m happy to see you, too,” I said. “How are you?”

“We are well. And you?”

“Good. I was hoping we could have some tea and catch up on things.”

“Absolutely.” She gave Nikolas a knowing look.

He just smiled. “I will go back to my task, then,” he said. “And leave you ladies to yours.”

He turned away from us, and Katy directed me inside. I sat down as she put a kettle of water on to boil over the fire. The room was warm and cozy, and I shrugged out of my coat.

“How are things with Caspian?” she asked, taking the seat beside me.

“November first was the anniversary of his death day,” I said, trying not to blush. “We got to spend it together.” She nodded, but didn’t say anything. “Actually, that’s why I’m here. I had some questions for you, if you don’t mind. You’re the only one I know who was like me.”

“I’ll do my best,” she said. “What do you wish to know?”

“How did you know you were ready to be with Nikolas forever? Were you scared? Worried? Did you ever