sessions were really sessions-Marianne was a friend first, and their conversations didn’t mirror that of a typical therapist-patient relationship.
Sheila’s anxiety was through the roof. After several days of icy, monosyllabic communication, Morris had disappeared. Sheila hadn’t heard from her fiance in forty-eight hours, and after leaving numerous messages on Morris’s cell phone and direct line at the bank, she had finally caved and called his executive assistant directly. She was flabbergasted to learn Morris was out of town on business. Darcy wouldn’t tell her where and would only say that she’d have her boss call when he returned. Morris had never gone away without telling her.
And was it Sheila’s imagination, or had his secretary’s tone been a bit snippy?
Marianne didn’t think it was anything to be concerned about. Sheila had told her about their failed attempt at lovemaking, and Marianne was convinced that Morris was just taking some time to lick his wounds.
In any case, the last thing Sheila wanted to talk about was her dead father.
“Okay, then.” Marianne folded her hands in her lap. “Moving on. There’s something new I want to discuss with you. And I want you to hear me out before you say no.”
The therapist’s tone was ominous and Sheila looked at her in surprise. She’d never seen her friend look so serious. “You’re scaring me,” Sheila said, half-joking. “What is it?”
Marianne took a deep breath. “Do you consider me a friend?”
“You know I do.”
“You remember I had reservations about being your therapist in the beginning?”
“Yes, and we’re past all that.” Sheila had no idea where Marianne was going with this. “Clearly it’s worked out. You’ve retained your objectivity-”
“Have I?” Marianne said, her brow furrowed. “I don’t think so. I’m starting to think I’ve let our friendship get in the way of our therapy. I think I might be doing you a disservice by being your therapist. I’m not nearly as objective as I should be, and I think if you’d been treated by someone else, you might not have ended up in this mess in the first place.”
Sheila’s mouth dropped open. It was the last thing she’d expected to hear. She thought she was going to get another lecture about Ethan, or another list of reasons why Morris should have been told everything up front. She would never have guessed Marianne was doubting her own abilities as a therapist.
“What are you talking about?” Sheila was shocked. “It’s because of you I’ve been doing so well-”
Marianne put up a hand, looking tired even though the day had barely started. “No, you haven’t been doing well. If you were truly doing well, you wouldn’t have relapsed. And you did relapse, Sheila. Badly. On my watch.”
Sheila stared at her in disbelief. “You and I both know a psychologist can do only so much. Therapy only works if you make it work. I screwed up. I own that. It would have happened whether you were my therapist or not.”
“I’m not so sure. Which is why I want you to consider this.” Marianne leaned over, reaching for something on the side table. Apparently it had been there the entire time, but Sheila hadn’t noticed. “Here, take it.”
Sheila looked down at the brochure in her hand. Glossy color trifold. Serene faces pictured against a beautiful backdrop of green trees and blue sky. An italicized slogan across the bottom that read, You don’t have to do it alone. We’re here for you.
It was a pamphlet for the New Trails Treatment Center for Addiction in Roseburg, Oregon.
Sheila didn’t bother to unfold the pamphlet. “You’re kidding me, right?”
“Do I look like I’m kidding?”
“You want me to go to rehab? In Oregon?”
Her friend nodded.
Sheila opened the brochure and read it quickly, the hysteria rising in her gut. She jabbed at the page with a hard finger. “Marianne, it says this an eight-week, in-facilit y program. I can’t do this. I have a job. I’m getting married in two weeks. I haven’t even talked to Morris yet.”
“Then the timing is perfect.” Marianne spoke calmly, unfazed by Sheila’s anxiety. “When he finds out you’re a sex addict, you can show him that brochure. It will help him to know you’re serious about getting help.”
“You’ve got to be shitting me!” Sheila’s voice was only a few decibels shy of a shriek. “You seriously want me to go to rehab? Now?”
“I didn’t say that. But I think it should be part of the discussion, yes.” Marianne pinched the space between her eyes and sighed. “I’m not trying to make your life more complicated, Sheila. I’m trying to help you uncomplicate it. I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I believe you need more intensive treatment. I don’t think Sex Addicts Anonymous is helping you enough. You need more.”
“I have you.”
“I’m not enough either.” Marianne’s smile was sad. “I’m your friend, right? You trust me, don’t you?”
Sheila slumped. “I can’t believe you’re springing this on me now.”
“Well, that’s where I screwed up,” Marianne said bluntly. “I wasn’t separating your therapy from our friendship. I’m trying to now, and I should have said this a long time ago.” She leaned forward. “Listen to me. I want you to go to New Trails. Before the wedding, after the wedding, no matter so long as you discuss it with Morris before you get married. He deserves to have the option of backing out. If you want your relationship to survive this, you have to let him feel he has a choice in the matter. Otherwise he’ll feel like you trapped him. But regardless of what he decides, you need to go.”
Sheila took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. She felt like a rabbit caught in a trap. “I’m already committed to telling Morris everything, Marianne. As soon as I see him. But I can’t go to rehab. You don’t know what you’re asking. I don’t want the university to find out about my addiction. Ethan hasn’t released the video, and if he’s bluffing, there’s no need to-”
“I understand your logic. I agree Ethan could be blowing smoke. But that has nothing to do with this. I don’t care what you tell the university. You still need to go, whether the university knows the truth or not.”
It hurt to breathe. “I’d have to take a leave of absence. What am I supposed to say?”
“We’ll figure something out.”
Sheila stared at the plush carpet for a full minute before looking back up at Marianne, feeling more helpless than she ever thought possible. She knew Marianne was right. If their positions had been reversed, she’d be saying the exact same things. “Fine, I’ll consider it. I’ll talk to Morris, see what he thinks.” But she already knew what Morris would say. Morris would tell her to go. Without a doubt.
The question was, would he still marry her?
Sheila put her head in her hands, tears welling in her eyes. How had it come to this? She was a smart woman, a trained psychologist, an excellent teacher. How could she have made so many mistakes? “Ethan Wolfe. Jesus Christ. What was I thinking?”
Marianne, her face filled with a mixture of compassion and relief, reached across the coffee table and touched Sheila’s arm. “Not that I’ve met him, but I’d guess he’s a textbook antisocial personality. He’d have to be to take it this far.”
Sheila plucked a Kleenex from the box on the table and dabbed her eyes. “He’s a sociopath, Marianne. How did I not see it till now?”
“Sociopaths are beautiful liars.”
“Still. I should have seen this coming.” Sheila laughed bitterly. “I’m supposed to be an expert on human behavior. And I missed this?”
“You’re also human.”
The soft lighting in Marianne’s office suddenly seemed too bright. Sheila rubbed her eyes. “Is this what rock bottom feels like?”
“Yes,” the therapist said. “I won’t bullshit you. And there’s only one way out.”
“Maybe I should just leave now.” Sheila sniffled. “You want me to go to Oregon? Why don’t I take off now? And write Morris a letter when I get there? Because honestly, whatever courage I thought I had just dissolved. I don’t know how I’m going to face him with all this.”
Marianne’s voice was careful. “That would be cowardly, Sheila. It would really hurt Morris if you left without telling him. I think your fiance deserves better.”
“It will hurt him anyway when he finds out the truth.”
“There’s no easy answer, is there?” Marianne’s face was filled with regret. “Except to say that no matter what happens, I promise I won’t let you down again.”
