Mr. Darcy Goes Overboard: A Tale of Tide & Prejudice

where the Lucas family resided during their summer holidays. As a young man, Sir William Lucas had worked in his family business, a shop entitled Knitter’s Paradise, and had enjoyed a steady income for minimal effort for many years, allowing him to be tempted into standing as a local councillor, which upon election, he devoted himself to his duties with surprising vigour and with unparalleled enthusiasm for health-and-safety issues. So much so that he had managed to close down many dangerous businesses in his local town, as well as the scouts, rugby club, Sunday school, art class, and Pilates for the over eighties, saving lives and limbs, and ultimately resulting in his presentation at St James’s for service to the community. But Sir William had paid a price for his diligence. The little town, now safe, was devoid of hustle and bustle. In short, it had become so stiflingly dull that Sir William was forced to move out during the summer months, for there was nothing for his children to do. He had cast around for a place to buy a holiday house, and being a man with a nose for fashion, realised one could not go wrong with Salcombe, and also being a man of inherited means, had enough money to be generous without causing himself too much distress. So it was with a warm heart he arrived in Salcombe, ready to sprinkle health- and-safety advice on locals and fellow holidaymakers.

His wife, Marcia, was a talented chatterbox but not too clever not to be a valuable neighbour to Mrs Bennet. They had several children, the eldest of which, Charlotte, a sensible, intelligent young woman, was Lizzy’s intimate friend.

An event like drinks on the Pemberley could not go undiscussed by the Lucas and Bennet families, and so it was not surprising to see a group of them sitting on the jetty, enjoying ice creams and conversing over the previous day’s events.

“You were favoured with early conversation with Mr Bingley, my dear Lottie,” said Mrs Bennet generously.

“Oh yes! We had a most interesting discussion about university. To think a young man should have a house in Salcombe and at the same time be applying to university. Why! It is most uncommon!”

“With such a fortune, I doubt he will take out a student loan,” added Kitty.

“A student loan! Heavens, child!” exclaimed Mrs Bennet. “A man of Mr Bingley’s means would not need such a thing as a loan. He has all the money in the world! A loan indeed!”

“University? Why I doubt he will be going anyway now he has gone completely loopy over Jane!” said Kitty.

“Really, Kitty!” interjected Mary. “How could you speak in such ignorant terms? A young man of intelligence will always choose education over romance.”

“Oh chill out, Mary!”

“Why should I? My opinions are just as valuable as anyone else’s. In fact, I would go further to say that in the present company, they are probably more valuable.” Mary licked her pistachio ice cream with vigour to prove her point.

“And what about Mr Darcy? Wasn’t he insanely rude to poor Lizzy?”

“He is very proud,” said Lizzy, smiling. “But I suppose he is a fine and outrageously rich young man who can afford yachts and champagne, so I suppose you could forgive him for being a little proud. In fact, I would forgive him for being such a bad prawn if he had not made me feel like one, too.”

Chapter 6

As the summer days slipped by, the Bennets saw more and more of the Bingley party. Angelica proved invaluable for popping backwards and forwards to Netherpollock and Mill Bay. Bingley soon purchased his own rib, which he christened Little Miss Splendid , and the two rubber boats became a familiar sight nuzzling on the beach as their owners enjoyed picnics, games of cricket, and swimming in the clear waters. It became clear that Bingley was completely crazy about Jane. He was attentive and kind, always having a towel ready for her when she emerged shivering from the sea, offering a hand to help her to her feet after sunbathing may have made her dizzy, and in a daring moment, applying factor-fifty suncream to protect her snowy white back. Jane was cheerful and composed in response, so no one could guess which way her affections lay.

Lizzy remarked on Jane’s strength of character to Lottie one day as they wandered down the beach towards the Venus Cafe for a quiet Magnum ice cream and was surprised by her friend’s response.

“Jane’s behaviour might be admirable in your eyes, but she is playing a dangerous game.”

“What do you mean?” asked Lizzy, astonished. “A dangerous game? Are you suggesting Bingley is not what he seems? Is he some sort of criminal or undercover agent who means to trick dear Jane into a subculture of espionage or…?”

“Lizzy! Be serious. I simply mean that if Jane is so guarded in her behaviour, she may lose that which she most desires! Bingley is clearly head over heels in love with Jane, but if she shows him no encouragement, it may go no further. She must help him on.”

“But if I can tell she has a high regard for him, he must be a simpleton indeed not to discover it, too.”

“Lizzy, you have known Jane since the cradle. Bingley has only just become aware of her charms.”

“And it is up to him to discover her feelings.”

“Perhaps if he sees enough of her. But remember there are always crowds of sisters around. Jane should ensure that she contrives at least some time in his company alone. When she is secure of him, there will be leisure for falling in love as much as she chooses.”

“Fine, if her only desire is to be well married. But she has known him barely a fortnight and may not be sure yet of her own feelings. She has swum with him several times at Mill Bay and has visited Captain Morgan’s twice with him for a slap-up breakfast, the Winking Prawn three times to enjoy a dozen king prawns for lunch, and snuggled up in the oak-beamed Victoria Inn four times for a fireside supper—but all in company. This is not quite enough to make her understand his character.”

“Not as you represent it. Had she merely visited a public house with him, it would be enough to ascertain whether he preferred Becks or Stella Artois; but you must remember that four evenings have also been spent in an intimate atmosphere together—and four evenings may do a great deal.”

“Yes. Those four evenings have enabled them to ascertain that they both like Vampire Weekend better than Glasvegas; but with respect to any other leading characteristic, I do not imagine that much has been unfolded.”

“Well,” said Lottie, “I wish Jane all happiness, but I think she could dive in, tie the knot tomorrow, and be as happy as if she spent the next twelve months researching Charles Bingley and his suitability for marriage.”

* * *

So occupied was Lizzy in observing Mr Bingley’s attentions to her sister that she failed to notice that she was becoming the object of some interest in the eyes of his friend Mr Darcy. Darcy, who had initially dismissed Lizzy, had become alarmed that with further observation where he had at first seen fault, he now saw strengths. Her face that he had so criticised, he now saw was rendered uncommonly intelligent by the beautiful expression of her dark eyes. Her manners, though not fashionable by Bingley’s sisters’ standards, were of a light and playful sort that could not fail to attract. In short, Darcy, despite himself, was falling in love.

* * *

It was at Sir William Lucas’s barbeque bash that very evening that Darcy found himself wishing to become better acquainted with Elizabeth. It was a warm and balmy evening. Sir William had assiduously completed his health-and-safety check before guests arrived and had placed the barbeque on an upper level of the terrace and carefully put red-and-white tape around the steps leading to it to ensure no one should venture into such dangerous territory without his permission. Signs alerted guests to the uneven nature of the pavings, the drop to the side into the estuary, the fact that the sausages might be hot, so to wait at least three minutes before biting, and that drinks were limited to two each to avoid unpleasant side effects. With great pleasure and professionalism, Sir William generously gave a little health-and-safety speech once all the guests were gathered to advise them on dangers and precautions necessary, and then bade them to enjoy themselves, but not excessively.

Lydia and Kitty failed to heed the final warning of “not excessively” and were on a mission to enjoy themselves a great deal. Barbeque parties in Salcombe were a thing to be treasured, grasped, and revelled in.