we watched chilled, miserable-looking scullers in sleek five-man shells gliding an ice-free quarter mile or so up and down the Spree.
For perhaps fifteen minutes we didn't talk while I moped along, and then I had an idea. 'Berchtesgaden sounds great,' I mused casually. 'I wonder if my ID card would get me in. I'll probably be able to use a little R and R before long.'
'Are you serious? Wednesday's Christmas; why don't you come down for a couple of days? I'll give you the super-duper tour usually reserved for only the most august visitors, like TV anchormen.'
'Gee, that's a great idea,' I said as innocently as Tony Whitehead might have done it.
'Fine,' she said, and again we walked without saying anything, but conscious of something good in the air. This boy-girl maneuvering wasn't all agony by any means.
'How did you get assigned to the exhibition?' I asked. 'I suppose you got involved with all the hoopla over the cache, and then just stayed with it?'
She nodded. 'That's the way it was. Hallstatt isn't that far from Berchtesgaden, and when that soldier stumbled on those crates in the Salzbergwerke -that's the salt mine… oops, I believe you sprechen deutsch, if I'm not mistaken.'
'Anne, I really am sorry about that.'
'I know you are,' she said laughing. 'Don't go all frowny on me again. God, you're so intense.'
'Intense? Where do you get these ideas about me? That I never laugh, that I'm intense… I am not intense. I am anything but intense. I am easygoing; relaxed to the point of somnolence.'
'So why the puckered brow?'
I unpuckered. 'I seem to get a little nervous around you, that's all. How about some chestnuts?'
We bought an aromatic bagful from a vendor who had them roasting over a brazier of charcoal, and munched while we walked. Mostly I asked questions and Anne told me about herself. She was thirty years old; she was from Syracuse, New York; and she had an M.A. in career counseling. She'd joined the air force as an educational-services officer after they'd promised her tours of duty in the Far East and Europe. They'd kept their word on the tours, but in time-hallowed military fashion she'd been assigned to Community Liaison, and there she'd stayed. To her surprise she'd enjoyed it. She'd been a captain for two years, and a pair of major's oak leaves was in the offing if she decided to stay in.
She'd been married for two years in her early twenties, she told me, getting down to important things, but had made a bad job of it, and she now saw two or three men on an intermittent basis, but they were just friends. More or less. (You can imagine how fiendishly subtle my ensuing questions were. Nevertheless, I could get no elucidation beyond 'more or less.')
'All right,' she said, tossing a steaming chestnut from hand to hand. 'Now you. I'm having a hard time figuring you out.'
'What is there to figure out? I'm not very complex.'
'I don't know about that. You look like a, well, like an average guy with not too terribly much upstairs, if you'll forgive me for saying so, so that it's a shock when you start talking. You're very articulate, you know, very cogent-'
'Formidable,' I said. 'Intimidating.'
'Highly. But then when you loosen up, there's another layer that comes peeking through, kind of wistful and vulnerable-that's very 'in' now, you know-with a sense of humor… even sexy, I suppose, if you happen to like the type.'
'Thanks, I think.' On balance, it was an improvement over Bev's evaluation. 'What can't you figure out?'
'Which layer is really you?'
'Oh, the sexy one. Ask anybody.'
'Well. I'm certainly glad to have that settled. Now, what else should I know about you?'
I was glad to talk about myself, and Anne was a good listener. In twenty minutes she knew more about me- about my recent past-than I'd ever expected to tell anyone.
'You walked in one day and your wife wasn't there?' she asked incredulously. 'Just like that? Out of nowhere?'
'Yes.' We were at the eastern edge of the Tiergarten now, which is also the edge of West Berlin. We had walked along quiet, pretty paths at the very foot of the ugly Wall, past the gaunt, shell-scarred Reichstag, past the Brandenburg Gate (visible through one of the checkpoints), past the colossal marble soldier atop the Soviet Army Memorial (the Grim Raper, the West Berliners call it).
'No,' I said after a little more thought, as we turned back toward the center of West Berlin and began to look for a taxi stand. 'No, not out of nowhere.' And then I began telling her things that even Louis hadn't been able to nondirectively pry out of me, things I hadn't pried out of myself. How Bev and I had been drifting apart for three or four years and never faced up to it, how she had tried one thing after another to find what she needed- transcendental meditation, transactional analysis, assertiveness training- and I buried myself in work, gradually coming to spend most of my Saturdays at the museum (while Bev took glass-blowing lessons, or so I was given to understand) and pretty much left the twentieth century for the eighteenth.
'It must have been a miserable time for you,' Anne said.
'But it wasn't,' I answered truthfully. 'I thought I was happy, and if you think you're happy, you must be happy, right?'
'You really didn't have an inkling?'
I shook my head. 'I really thought everything was all right. We went out to dinner a couple of times a week, we went to concerts, to plays-'
'You know, I'm starting to think you might be that guy with not a whole lot upstairs, after all.'
'You know, I'm starting to think you're right.'
We found a taxi stand near Potsdamer Platz and climbed into a cab, grateful to be out of the deepening late- afternoon cold. 'All this time she was out finding herself while you were dreaming away in the museum archives,' Anne said, 'you were faithful to her? Or don't I know you well enough to ask?'
'No, you know me well enough. And yes, I was.' The world's changed, I thought. Here I am feeling ashamed of having been faithful to my wife.
'Even in thought?'
'Well, not always in thought.'
'I'm relieved to hear it.'
'But mostly even in thought,' I persisted, wanting to be honest. 'Look Anne, I loved Bev, and we got along fine in bed, and I didn't feel misunderstood or anything else.' I shrugged. 'I just didn't need anything on the side.'
She looked out the window at the quickly darkening streets. 'If this is a line,' she murmured, 'it has its points.'
'It's not-'
'I know it's not. What about since you broke up? Anything important in the female line? Just curious.'
'Not much. I mean, no. Not till now.' Her hand was lying palm-down on the seat. I covered it with mine, and she turned it over to clasp my fingers.
OK, it was straight out of Booth Tarkington, but I couldn't have been happier. 'Anne, I'm awfully glad you didn't just write me off that day at the meeting. I would have deserved it.'
'Oh, I did. But later on I figured out what was going on.'
'You did, huh? What was going on?'
'What was going on was that you were attracted to me-we both were, to each other-and it scared you.'
'Scared me…' I laughed.
'Sure. You were afraid of being burned again, and you were still feeling guilty and hurt over Bev-'
'Guilty! What did I have-'
'-so you put up this prickly barrier. Then, when we met for that drink, you started letting your hormones call the shots again, which was very sensible. But then when the possibility of dinner came up, you backed off in a hurry.'
