Halo

“Your incarnation is different from ours. You feel things so passionately. To us, Xavier is like every other human; to you, he is something completely different.”

“He’s everything.”

“That’s just reckless.”

“I know.”

“To make one person the center of your world is bound to end in disaster. There are too many factors outside your control.”

“I know,” I repeated with a sigh.

“Is there any chance you can retract your feelings?” Ivy asked. “Or is that out of the question?”

I shook my head. “It’s too late.”

“That’s what I thought you’d say.”

“Why am I so different?” I asked after a moment. “Why do I have these feelings? You and Gabe can command what you feel. It’s like I have no control at all.”

“You are young,” said Ivy slowly.

“It’s not that.” I twisted my hands. “There must be something else.”

“Yes,” my sister agreed. “You are more human than any angel I’ve ever known. You have identified strongly with earth. Your brother and I are homesick — this place is foreign to us. But you, you fit in here. It’s like you’ve always belonged.”

“Why?” I asked.

My sister shook her head. “I don’t know.” For a moment I caught a wistful look on her face and wondered if in some small recess of her mind, she wished she could understand my all-consuming love for Xavier. But the look vanished before I could dwell on it.

“Do you think Gabriel will ever forgive me?”

“Our brother inhabits a different plane of existence,” Ivy explained. “He is less used to mistakes. He feels that your errors become his. He will see this as his failure, not yours. Can you understand that?”

I nodded and didn’t bother asking any more questions. There was nothing to do now but wait, and we could do that in silence.

The seconds ticked by slowly and the minutes stretched into hours. My fear welled up and subsided at various intervals, like ocean waves. I knew that if I went back to the Kingdom, I would be with my brothers and sisters again, but also alone, with the rest of eternity to yearn for what I’d had on earth. But that was assuming I would be allowed back into the Kingdom. Our Creator, gracious and loving as he was, didn’t respond well to defiance. There was a chance I could be excommunicated. I refused to let myself picture what Hell might be like. I had heard stories and that was enough. Legend said sinners were hung from their eyelids, burned, tortured, torn to pieces, and stitched up again. They said the place reeked of seared flesh and singed hair and the rivers ran blood. Of course I didn’t believe any of it, but the thought still gave me shivers.

I knew that many people on earth didn’t believe there was such a place as Hell, but they didn’t know how wrong they were. Angels like me didn’t really have a clue what Hell was like, but I knew I didn’t want to find out for myself. An archangel like Gabriel would know more about the dark kingdom but was barred from speaking about it.

I jumped when I heard the front door slam, and my heart hammered against my rib cage. A moment later Gabriel was standing before us, arms folded across his chest, his face careworn but as usual inscrutable. Ivy got up to stand beside him, showing no eagerness to hear the verdict.

“What’s been decided?” I blurted, unable to stand the suspense.

“The Covenant regrets recommending Bethany for this mission,” Gabriel said, his sharp eyes focused on me. “More was expected from an angel of her standing.”

I felt myself begin to shake. This was it; it was all over. I was going back where I had come from. I considered trying to make a run for it but knew there was no point. There was no corner of the earth that could hide me. I stood up, bowed my head, and made for the stairs.

Gabriel’s eyes narrowed. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“I’ll get ready to leave,” I replied, trying to muster enough strength to look him in the eye.

“Leave to go where?”

“Back home.”

“Bethany, you’re not going home. None of us are,” he said. “You haven’t let me finish. There is great disappointment at your actions, but the Covenant’s suggestion to terminate your mission has been overruled.”

My head flew up. “By who?”

“A higher power.”

I snatched wildly at this shred of hope. “You mean we’re staying? They’re not going to take me away?”

“It appears that too much has been invested in this mission to allow it to be thrown away because of a minor setback. Therefore, the answer is yes, we are staying.”

“What about Xavier?” I asked. “Am I allowed to see him?”

Gabriel looked annoyed, as though the decision that had been reached on that subject was irrelevant in the extreme. “You are permitted to continue seeing the boy while we are here. As he already knows our identity, there is more harm than good in preventing you from seeing him.”

“Oh, thank you!” I began, but Gabriel interrupted me.

“As the decision was not mine, I deserve no thanks.”

We all fell into a painful silence that lasted several long minutes until I ventured to break it.

“Please don’t be angry with me, Gabriel. Actually you have every right to be angry, but at least understand that I didn’t do it intentionally.”

“I have no interest in hearing what you have to say, Bethany. You have your boyfriend, now be satisfied.” He turned his back on me. A moment later I felt Ivy’s hands comfortingly on my shoulders.

“I need to go to the supermarket,” she said, in an attempt to return to normality. “I could use a hand.”

I looked at Gabriel for approval.

“Go and help Ivy,” he said more agreeably, an idea taking root in his head. “There will be four of us at dinner tonight.”

16 Family Ties

Gabriel’s pronouncement that Xavier was to have the honor of being our first dinner guest made me suspicious. I couldn’t help but question the motive behind the invitation. So far the only feelings Gabriel had expressed toward Xavier had wavered between disdain and indifference.

“Why are you inviting him over?” I asked.

“Why shouldn’t he come?” Gabriel replied. “He knows about us now, so I don’t see the harm in it. Besides, there are some ground rules we need to cover.”

“Such as?”

“Such as the importance of confidentiality for a start.”

“You don’t know Xavier, he’s as likely to blab as I am,” I said and realized the irony as soon as the words were out.

“Well, that really doesn’t inspire confidence, does it?” Gabriel remarked.

“Don’t worry, Bethany, we just want to get to know him,” said Ivy, giving my arm a maternal pat. She looked pointedly at Gabe. “We want him to feel comfortable. If we’re going to trust him, he has to be able to trust us.”

“What if he’s busy tonight?” I parried.

“We won’t know if you don’t ask him,” Gabriel replied.

“I don’t even have his number anymore.”