not myself, no one. And this fear of yours, fear of your own vulnerability, this is one of the things that’s making you so unhappy.”
“I am vulnerable. It’s not an irrational fear. But I believe you. Say it again.”
“I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you. I wouldn’t al ow it.”
“Are you so protective of everyone?”
“I do have a bit of a maternal streak. And you could use some cheering up. Come over for dinner tonight, and we’l invite a few more friends.”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what to say.”
“Say yes.”
“My life is fine as it is.”
“Yes, I can see that.”
“I can’t tel whether you’re being ironic.”
“Both ironic and not ironic. Because your life is both fine and not fine.”
“Wel it’s not perfect, of course! I’m waiting for Daniel, I miss him. I miss him al the time. But things could be a lot worse. For example, you could make things worse.”
“How, Dana?”
“I don’t know.”
“I’m not going to make things worse for you, that’s not my style at al . I like happy endings as much as you do. We’re very similar that way.”
“Why do they use camouflage?”
“What?”
“It’s something I’ve always wondered about. That weird camou age stu you see al over the place—you know, those rubbery leaves on army shelters, cabins … what’s it for? Do you have any idea?”
He stared at me.
“What?” I asked.
“Oh, nothing. Pardon me. It’s just that I thought I was having co ee with Dana. And now it turns out I’m having co ee with Bana, her twin sister from outer space. My mistake.”
“I can’t know everything!”
“Her sister from outer space, who is visiting this part of the world for the first time.”
“Come on, tel me.”
“Wel now, let’s see. Keeps out the wind, gives our sheds a nice fashionable touch, it’s the latest in military deco and you know we like to keep up to date with world fashions. What else? I guess it makes it a bit hard to see what’s going on inside.”
“I thought of that. I thought it might be for privacy. But sometimes you see it just thrown over blocks of stone.”
“That’s when the word camouflage can come in useful.”
“You don’t understand. You don’t understand what I’m saying. I’m saying it isn’t logical. Because sometimes you see that stu in places where no one’s trying to hide anything. Not a rock and not soldiers beating someone up.”
“Relax, Dana.”
“Relax, Dana.”
“Sorry. I just get frustrated when no one understands.”
“You must live in a perpetual state of frustration.”
“No, not at al .”
“I think most of the time it’s there for privacy, and sometimes it’s there so things don’t stand out at night, and sometimes it’s probably part of the overal chaos that reigns in the army. Someone l s in an order, we need blocks here, and sandbags, and throw in some camou age for good measure. Then those things arrive, and no one real y knows what the camou age is for and they just throw it on something and no one thinks about it ever again, not the Palestinians, not the army, not civilians, no one in this entire country gives it a moment’s thought, except for Dana Hil man, who spends five years wondering about it.”
I smiled. “Thank you.”
“There’s something truly naive about you, Dana. I can’t real y explain it, you’re not clued out, you know what’s what, but you’re naive in some way I can’t put my nger on. It’s as if you were looking for the pure essence in everything. You believe it’s there, and you’re determined to find it.”
“Daniel said my problem was that I never want to think the worst. He was right. I hate thinking the worst about people. It’s a terrible way to live.”
“Real y! I’m the exact opposite. I always think the worst.” Rafi took one last drag on his cigaret e and stubbed it out in the ashtray.
“Are you thinking the worst about me?”
“Yes.”
