admitted something was wrong with me.”
“First school?”
“Yeah,” he says, moving away from the picture and sitting down on a long, low-backed sofa.
After a moment, I sit next to him. “So what happened?”
“What did you look like when you were little?” he says, putting his feet up on the coffee table in front of us.
“Same as now,” I say, not cal ing him out on changing the subject. “Only I used to try and—I used to try and dress like Tess. I mean, I’ve always had to wear her old clothes—” Wil that freak him out? No, he doesn’t look bothered by it. “But I used to try and make my hair look like hers and stuff. It never worked, obviously.”
“And you’ve always lived here.”
“In Ferrisvil e, yeah.”
“Is it real y that different than Milford?”
I place my feet next to his on the coffee table. I point at his shiny, expensive shoes, dark leather that looks buttery-soft. Then I point at my own used-to-be-white-but-are-now-dingy-gray canvas sneakers.
“I have sneakers too.”
“And I bet you didn’t buy them out of a bin where they were tagged ‘Buy One Pair, Get One Pair Free.’”
“My parents do have money,” he says, a bitter little laugh escaping. “Couldn’t have been sent to al the schools I was without that.”
“How many schools?”
“A lot. A dozen, at least.” He holds his hands out toward me briefly. “And al because of these. Wel , these and my fucked up brain.”
“You shouldn’t—you aren’t like that,” I say. “I didn’t even notice you had OCD until you told me.”
“Right.”
“Real y,” I say. “I thought you were nervous around Tess because she’s so … wel , because she’s Tess and she’s beautiful.”
He’s silent for a moment.
“I don’t real y know how to say this,” he final y says. “So, um, don’t get mad, okay?” He bites his lips, folds his arms across his chest, and then slowly unfolds them. “I just—I don’t see what’s so great about her.”
“That’s because she’s asleep. If Tess was awake you’d see. She’s the kind of person everyone wants to look at. Like you.”
“Are you kidding? I got asked to leave my last school because I was taking so long getting ready to work—I had to sharpen my pencil a certain number of times, and then I had to have al my papers lined up along the right edge of the desk and—anyway, there was a lot of stuff I had to do, and I wasn’t getting any work done. And yeah, people looked at me then, and at every other school I’ve been to, but not like how you think.”
I’m sure I don’t make a face but I guess I do because he grins at me and says, “I swear! Not until I came here, and you must have noticed that it’s stopped. Word of my—of who I am, of my … you know—it’s gotten around.”
“Like you’ve never ever met a girl who doesn’t care?” I say, and I know I’m making a face now. I mean, yes, I know he has OCD, but he’s also acting like he’s a trol and I’m sure we both know he isn’t.
He’s silent for a second, and then looks out the window that shows the gleaming, green front lawn. “Did Tess like it when guys wanted her because of how she looked?”
And when I don’t say anything because he’s right, Tess knew she was good-looking but always avoided the guys who only saw that, he says,
“Exactly. Is it so weird that I want someone who actual y likes me even when I’m not—even when I can’t—” He blows out a breath. “I want someone who doesn’t care that I have to walk through doors a certain way and stuff.”
“Okay, I get that,” I say. “But you’re stil acting like you’re a diseased yak or something and—”
“A yak?” he says, smiling.
“Yeah,” I say, grinning back. “And you’re not. I mean, who doesn’t have problems? So that’s why I find it hard to believe that you’re having to wander around girl-less.”
“Wel , you’re here with me.”
“Like I count. You know what I mean.”
“Sure,” he says. “At the al -male schools my parents sent me to, there were girls everywhere. Hidden in the wal s and stuff. Don’t know how I keep missing them. And how come you don’t count?”
“Because I don’t,” I tel him, my stomach fluttering because I think I could count with him, and I definitely know I want to. “You’re just being nice, and it’s sweet, but you don’t have to do it. I know you never would have noticed me if I hadn’t asked you about Tess.”
“Okay, you’re right, I never noticed you before you came in to talk to me,” he says, and my heart sinks. I didn’t want to be right, but I guess I am.
“I mean, Clement mentioned you, but I was too busy trying to get through each shift in the gift shop without counting al the magazines,” he continues. “That’s why I was giving away al that gum. To try and stop myself from counting. But then you came in, and you were so intense and—
wel , a little strange, but I liked that. And then I got to know you, and it’s been the best thing that’s happened
