The Other Family

‘We discussed releasing al the capital in the house, and using the interest from investing that, to rent for a year or so until you’ve got your breath back.’

‘Tamsin says it’s such a bad time to sel —’

Sue looked at the ceiling.

‘It’s going to be a bad time for a while. Waiting isn’t going to help. And you can’t afford to stay.’

Chrissie said nothing and then Sue said, in the same voice but a little slower, ‘You can’t afford to stay.’

Chrissie crossed the room to look out of the window. The house was on the edge of such a precipitous slope that it felt like being in a tower, with the ground fal ing away so steeply below her. It felt improbable, completely improbable, the idea of living here, coupled with the idea of not living in the house with her little office, and the sitting-room window that jammed no matter how often the cords and weights were adjusted, and her bedroom with its cupboards and adjacent bathroom, and intimate knowledge of the way the light came in round the curtains in the morning. The sense of alarming unreality that had possessed her, on and off but more on than off, since Richie died seemed to have found its physical embodiment in this flat, and the prospect of living here.

‘Suppose,’ she said, not turning, stil gazing out eastwards, ‘suppose I take it and find I can’t stand it?’

Sue imagined Kevin listening to her. He’d be eating a cheese-and-pickle sandwich (white bread only) right now.

She said level y, ‘Then you move.’

‘But—’

‘You take it for six months, and if you can’t stand it, you move.’

‘It would just be me and Dil y and Amy.’

‘Would it?’

Chrissie turned.

‘Tamsin’s been talking about moving in with Robbie for ages. Now she’s going to do it. Robbie has a flat in Archway.’ She smiled weakly. ‘He’s going to build a cupboard for her clothes. Sweet, real y.’

‘Yeah,’ Sue said. Domestical y considerate men, in her view, lacked sex appeal. She suppressed a smal yawn. ‘Tam’s left before, though.’

‘She came back—’

‘As I recal it,’ Sue said, ‘Richie wanted her back and he got his way.’

‘Maybe—’

‘You didn’t want her back, Chris,’ Sue said. ‘You thought it was time one of them showed a bit of independence. You thought Richie babied them.’

‘He did,’ Chrissie said fondly.

‘And look what that’s landed you with. It’s good that Tamsin’s making a move. Even if it would be better that she was doing it for herself rather than exchanging one support system for another.’

Chrissie said, nettled, ‘And when did you last live on your own?’

Sue took her shoulder away from the wal , and hitched her bag higher.

‘I was on my own for eight years before Kev. But that’s not the point. The point is you and your future and what you can afford. You can’t stay in the house – bad – but you can stay in Highgate – good. You can’t have al your children here – bad – but you can have two out of three – good. You can’t afford the house – bad – but you could afford this flat with ace views and a civilized landlord – good to very good. Shal we just start from there?’

Chrissie walked past her and began to climb the stairs to the top floor and the bedrooms.

‘Dil y won’t be with me long, she says—’

Sue sighed. She fol owed Chrissie up the stairs.

‘There’l stil be Amy—’

Chrissie was standing in the doorway of one of the bedrooms.

‘This is pretty smal for Amy.’

‘It’s as big as the bedroom she has now.’

‘I don’t think so.’

‘I’m not arguing,’ Sue said, ‘I’m saving my energy to argue exclusively about the big stuff.’

Chrissie ran a hand down one wal , as if it were an animal.

‘Amy’s been so sweet—’

‘Has she?’

‘That day,’ Chrissie said, ‘that day when I completely lost it and chucked al his clothes on the landing, she was so sweet. Poor Dil y didn’t know what to do, she just stood there, looking petrified, but Amy didn’t seem scared, which was amazing when you think how I’d managed to scare myself.’

Sue came into the room.

‘What did she do?’

‘She gave me a hug,’ Chrissie said, ‘she hugged me. Then she pushed me back to the bed and told me just to