suitcase.
“I’m Peters,” I said.
“We’re Wheeler and Zoolsey and El Brendel,” said Groucho, whose bad mood was spreading beyond the four of us.
“I’m Chico,” said one of the men who looked like twins. He held out his hand and I took it. “These are my brothers, Groucho and Harpo.”
“Our real names are Julius, Leonard arid Arthur,” said Groucho, “but the last person who called us that is still locked in the bathroom of Loew’s State.”
Clumps of people went past us, but no one gave even the hint of recognizing the famous brothers. I would have missed them myself if I hadn’t heard Groucho’s voice. Chico’s voice, as I knew, was nothing like his screen voice.
An idea hit me, but I needed time to put it together.
“Well,” said Groucho, “are you going to erect a tent so we can have a noon tea, or are we going to get off of this elephant path?”
I led them to the coffee shop. While they ordered lunch, I did some fast explaining, giving the whole story of the search for Servi and Nitti’s refusal to listen.
“So, you’re telling us Chico should pay $120,000 he doesn’t owe,” said Groucho.
“No,” I said.
“I see, I see,” said Groucho. “You’re telling us Chico should pay and should wait until somebody with a pushed-in face-no offense-”
“None taken,” I said.
“Some guy with a pushed-in face,” Groucho went on, “turns him into Swiss cheese.”
“No,” I said.
“You’re a sterling judge of options, Peters,” said Groucho, turning his attention to a chicken sandwich. “And I’d like to sit around this Chicago version of Ciro’s for days, but we’ve got to throw ourselves on the mercy of someone fast. Just lead us to this Servi character and we’ll work something out.”
“Now wait a minute, Grouch,” said Chico quietly, while Harpo ate silently with eyes never leaving his brothers. “Maybe Toby has a plan.”
“I’ve got a plan,” said Groucho. “You sign legal papers turning all your earnings over to me so things like this don’t happen again. You’ve gambled away more money than you’ve earned, and that’s a lot of gambling.”
“Come on, Grouch,” sighed Chico. “We gonna go through that again?”
“No, no. Sorry to bring it up and ruin your lunch. Just pretend I didn’t say anything. We’ll just go on forever making movies so you can keep ahead of your debts. We’re middle-aged men. We should be bouncing grandchildren and planting petunias. Instead we run around getting hit by trains, falling off horses, and getting punched by heavies.”
It sounded like my life. I let them talk for a few more minutes while I ate an egg sandwich. The three of them had obviously been through this so many times that they knew the routine. Harpo apparently wanted no part of it.
“O.K., Peters,” sighed Groucho, finishing off his sandwich. “What’s your plan-though I know I shouldn’t ask.”
“The three of you go to a hotel,” I said. “You know any hotels in Chicago?”
“We used to live here back in the vaudeville days,” said Chico. “We know the town. How about the Palmer House? There’s usually a good card game or two.”
“This is against my better judgment, but we’ll be at the Drake,” said Groucho.
“And,” I went on, “don’t register with your own names.”
“I almost never do,” said Groucho, “but then again, it’s not because I’m hiding with my brothers. We’ll give you two days for your plan.”
“Fair enough. You sit tight and don’t call anybody. I’ve got an idea that may get you out of this, but it will take me a day or so to set it up.”
“Right,” said Chico. “We can play pinochle in our rooms.”
“I didn’t even bring my guitar,” sighed Groucho.
We picked up their bags and caught a cab. On the way back, I asked them if they were ever spotted on the street and asked for autographs. They agreed that they weren’t very often. I was fairly sure that if I didn’t know who they were and couldn’t tell Chico from Harpo at first look, it might not be very difficult for some small, Jewish- looking guy to pass himself off as the real Chico Marx. It was a wacky possibility, but it was worth a try and it gave me something to work on. First, find the guy who passed for Chico, if such a guy existed. Second, set up a meeting with Chico and Servi, so Servi could either lie or say Chico was the wrong guy. The second was dangerous for Chico, but things didn’t look too great for him now. I didn’t know how to go about the first.
After I checked the brothers in at the Drake-as the Rothsteins of Ohio-I headed for a telephone and called Sergeant Kleinhans. It took a while to track him down.
“Where are you, Peters?” he said. “You checked out of the LaSalle.”
“Some friends of Frank Nitti were looking for me,” I said. “I’ve got some news and questions. You want to hear them or do you want to threaten me?”
“Both,” he said. “What have you got?”
“The guy who put the finger on Chico is Gino Servi. Know him?”
“Yep. Keep going.”
“There’s a good chance that if Servi sees Chico Marx, he’ll know he’s the wrong man. Servi doesn’t like me, but I’ll give it a try.”
“You’re going to bring Chico Marx here for that?” said Kleinhans.
“I can get him if I have to,” I said. “The second possibility is to find someone who might have passed himself off as Chico Marx. He doesn’t have to look just like him, maybe wasn’t even gambling before. He might have a record. Between forty or fifty-five or so. Short.”
“That’s nothing to go on,” said Kleinhans. “But I’ll fish around. Where can I reach you?”
“You can’t. I’ll call you back. People in the Chicago police department are on Nitti’s payroll. They knew I was at the LaSalle and about the murder of Bistolfi before you did.”
Kleinhans laughed.
“Tell me something new,” he said. “O.K. Give me a call.”
I hung up, picked up my suitcase, went to the bar, ordered a Fleming flu special, and went outside to call a cab. I told the cabbie to take me to Kitty Kelly’s. There wasn’t a safe hotel for me in Chicago, and my friendships were nonexistent.
Suitcase in hand and collar up, I slouched into Kitty Kelly’s. Before my eyes adjusted to the dark, I blew my nose and did a little play with my coat buttons. Then I made out forms at the bar and the three Twenty-One tables. Merle Gordon was at the same table where I had seen her before.
“You don’t look so good,” she volunteered.
“I’ve been sick,” I sighed.
She rolled the dice and motioned me closer.
“Drop a quarter, pretend you’ve lost, and get the hell out of here,” she whispered. I tried to look down the top of her dress. She caught me, but I hadn’t been trying to hide it. She shook her head and grinned.
“You’re something,” she said. “You mentioned Kitty Kelly’s to get into the Fireside last night. Somebody remembered and came here asking about you.”
“Stumpy guy with a sling?” I guessed.
“Right,” she answered, rolling the dice. “I told him I didn’t know anybody who looked like you and no one else here remembered you, but one of the other girls might notice you right now. So goodbye, and it’s been nice knowing you.”
I didn’t move.
“Nowhere to go,” I said. “Can’t check into a hotel. The bad guys might have them covered, and I don’t know many people in Chicago.”
My eyes went down. I tried to look near defeat, shoulders slumped, eyes moist. Years ago it had worked on my wife Anne, but the last time I tried it on her she wasn’t having any. She had had enough of mothering me.
