“Like?”
Alice thought a bit. “Like fire?”
“Exactly.”
Alice scowled. “Wait, so you think you can start a fire because of that old cliche ‘ice burns like fire?’ “
“Of course!” Rabbit said.
Alice sneered. “You are such a clown.”
Suddenly the men smiled and pointed at Rabbit. “Ooooh!” They all said.
Rabbit held up his hands in protest. “I didn’t say anything! I didn’t say anything! She’s not all the world! She’s not all the world!”
The men laughed at him anyway.
Alice didn’t understand why, but felt tongue-tied to ask any questions.
Rabbit gave Alice a stern look and placed a few twigs onto the pile of ice. The twigs went up in flames.
“Lord!” Alice said.
Still laughing at Rabbit for some reason, several men picked up larger pieces of wood and placed it on the burning twigs. Flames shot higher.
Alice stared at the fire.
“Come, let’s read,” said Rabbit.
The men sat down still chuckling at him, positioning themselves out of the way of the smoke that floated to the pink sky.
Alice had to find out how that fire started. She sat down next to Rabbit whose cock lay upon the log between his legs, but he seemed preoccupied with all the men chuckling at his expense.
“Why are they laughing at you?” she asked.
“Because you said you love me,” he replied.
“No I didn’t.”
“Oh, yes you did. You scientifically stated you’re in love with me.”
“No, I didn’t,” Alice insisted. “All I said was that you’re a clown.”
Rabbit made a gesture with his hand as if to say, “See?”
He must have seen Alice’s confusion in her face because he rolled his eyes and explained, “You said I’m a clown. All the world loves a clown. You are all the world to me. Ergo, you love me.”
Alice looked with a blank face. She blinked, then expelled a gust of laughter. Doubled over clutching her side, “Ow, ow!” The laughter brought pain.
Suddenly the men jumped to her, as a group. One shouted, “Quick! Get a splint!” Another clamped his hands on Alice’s side.
“Hey!” Alice shouted. “Back off!”
“We don’t want your side to split,” the man said clutching her waist.
“What?” Alice wriggled. “I’m fine! I’m fine!”
The men studied her face.
“You are?” Rabbit asked.
“Yes, now get off of me!”
The men let her go and sat back down on the surrounding logs bare-assed.
“Your splint, sir.” A man fully dressed in a tuxedo held out to Rabbit a piece of wood and long leaves.
Though the man dressed and spoke like a servant, and bowed like one, too, he didn’t look servant-y at all. He had a full lion’s mane of auburn hair and gorgeous blue eyes that looked vaguely familiar.
Rabbit looked up at him from his seated position with an annoyed expression. “We don’t need it anymore. Go away!”
“Yes, sir.” The servant bowed and then walked off.
“What was that all about?” Alice asked.
“You had side-splitting laughter,” Rabbit said. “You could have been hurt. Do you know how many people every year die from laughter?”
“You’re kidding, right? That’s just a cliche,” Alice said.
“That’s why it’s science,” Rabbit said.
“What?”
“Don’t you get it? The physical laws of our land are governed by cliches. Why else do you think reading is so dangerous?” Rabbit turned to everyone else and said again, “Come! Let’s read!”
The man with the grey ponytail stood up, ran to their village of huts and cottages, and came back seconds later carrying a burned piece of paper covered with plastic wrap. The other men rubbed their hands together and licked their lips with anticipation.
“I thought you said reading’s dangerous,” Alice whispered to Rabbit.
“It is,” Rabbit replied. “That’s why when we found this scrap that survived the book burning, our elder who is the only one among us who knows how to read, risked his life to see if there were any life-threatening cliches on the page. Fortunately, there weren’t any. So we know it’s okay to read. But don’t tell the queen. She’ll cut off our heads!”
“You mean-” Alice dragged her finger across her neck making a cutting sound.
“No,” Rabbit said. “I mean-” He lifted up the tip of his penis and dragged a finger across it making a cutting sound.
Alice cringed.
The men chanted, “Story time! Story time! Story time!”
The grey-haired elder delicately removed the plastic wrap.
Rabbit nudged her. “Get ready. This is really arousing.”
“Okay,” the pony-tailed elder said and began to read. “ ‘Non-disclosure agreement. This agreement, the ‘Agreement,’ is entered into on this blank day of blank by and between blank, located at blank, the ‘Disclosing Party’, and blank with and address at blank, the ‘Recipient’ or the ‘Receiving Party’.’ ”
“You gotta be kidding me.” Alice noticed the men were staring wide-eyed, their breathing getting heavier. “This isn’t a story,” Alice said to Rabbit.
“Shh!” Rabbit said.
Most curious indeed! Was there some cliche about contract law that made law sexy in this wondrous land? She couldn’t think of any such cliche.
Alice sucked in a breath when she suddenly remembered she had something a hell of a lot more exciting than contract law.
“I hope it’s still here.” Stuffing her hand in her pocket she found what she was looking for. Yes! The Story of O!
“Stop! Stop!” Alice shouted. “I have a much better story to read you!”
The men talked all at once. “Better than The Non-Disclosure Agreement?” and “Does it have any life- threatening cliches in it?” and “You can read?”
“This is MUCH better than The Non-Disclosure Agreement and no, there are no life-threatening cliches in it.” Alice waved the book over her head like a trophy.
“What’s it called?” Several men wanted to know.
Alice read the title aloud, “It’s called The Story of… ” That was strange. The title changed.
“Stupid title,” one man said.
“Yeah, kind of leaves you hanging,” another said.
“No-” Alice stared at the cover. “I didn’t finish reading the full title. It’s just…the title changed.”
“Read the full title, already,” a man whined.
“It says, The Story of OMH.'
“Oh, now that’s a good title!” One man cried quite pleased.
Alice opened the book and began to read aloud. “ ‘Old Mother Hubbard lived in a cupboard…’ “
“What’s a mother?” One man asked.
Alice was in a haze. The words had completely changed and they didn’t know what a mother was? “Don’t you have parents?”
The men looked baffled.
