were the lines streaming from the corners of her eyes, the slight downward turn at the corners of her lips, the small pockets under the eyes.
She raised her right hand to remove her earrings. Slipping them out of the lobes, her hand loomed in the mirror, and she froze it, kept it hanging in the air, unmoving. Her hands, too, were lined. Those elegant hands of hers were no longer smooth and soft-looking. And her nails, long and unpainted, somehow now looked grotesque to her.
She thought of Jack, driving down later that night. She smiled because she knew he'd time it so he could listen to the Knicks game on the car radio. He loved his Knicks, he really did. Had had season tickets, second row, right under the basket, for years now. He always said that if he had one place he could be anywhere in the world, it would be at the Garden for a Knicks play-off game. He knew some of the players, a lot of the sportswriters, all of the ushers. The restaurant had long been a sports hangout, at least for those athletes and writers and executives who actually knew their food. She couldn't find fault with this passion of his. He worked so hard. So all-consumingly. He needed to relax. The boy in him needed to root for Spree to score his twenty-five points and for Houston to hit his outside jumper. She understood perfectly. And yet…
And yet she wanted him in her bed tonight. And tonight she wanted the man. Not the boy.
She turned her attention back to the mirror. Patted her neck and chin. Pulled the skin on her face back, smoothing it out.
God, men were so lucky. They looked better with age, so many of them, anyway. Salt-and-pepper hair was distinguished, not matronly. Their bodies could remain firm and flat, not turn menopausal. Craggy skin looked good on them. Young women were attracted to them. More than that, would marry them. No wonder so many of them discarded their longtime mates. What did compatibility matter, who cared about a personal history if you could move on to firm skin and upright breasts? It wasn't fair. It wasn't goddamn fair.
She released the skin around her eyes, felt the tautness grow lax. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Then another…
She had never thought of herself as vain before.
Of course, she had never thought of herself as many things. As secretive. Duplicitous. Unsure. Frightened.
Dangerous.
But she was all of those things, wasn't she? Maybe she hadn't been. But she was now.
Time was an amazing thing, she decided. It didn't just change the way a thing looked. It changed the very thing itself.
Caroline exhaled in front of the makeup mirror, her breath creating a tiny patch of fog on the glass. She flicked the switch, turning the ring of lights off. She rose, slowly took all her clothes off, and stood naked before the full- length mirror in the bathroom. Her body was good. It was. She weighed exactly what she'd weighed when she first met Jack. Her posture was perfect, erect and strong. Her breasts were small, they'd always been small, and, yes, they were not what they'd once been but they were still fine. She knew she looked damn good for a forty-one- year-old woman with a string of restaurants to run and the pressure of opening a new one.
She just didn't look young.
Stepping into her blue robe, Caroline did not want to go back into the bedroom, instead padded into the den, searched the bookshelves until she found an old mystery, one she thought she'd read before but wasn't absolutely sure. She thought she could flip the pages, without having to think too much, until the sun was up and the new day began.
There were choices she had to make. Decisions she could no longer postpone. She knew that. She'd made some already. Hoped they were the right ones. For the rest, she didn't know how she would choose or what she would decide. She just knew that she had secrets now. Secrets she could never share with anyone. Secrets that, however they developed, would change her life and the lives of those she loved.
Whoever said that with age came wisdom was totally full of shit, she decided. What came with age was doubt. And fear.
Caroline wondered what was going to happen tomorrow.
But it was not tomorrow she was afraid of.
It was the tomorrow after that and the one after that and then all the tomorrows into the future.
EIGHT
Okay, stay calm. No need to be nervous. Nothing has changed.
The Plan was in place and it was a good one.
The Man had come down for the opening. Drove the whole way. He couldn't stay away but that was to be expected. The Plan allowed for that. There were still no surprises.
There were three stages. Just keep remembering that. The three crucial stages. Before, During, and After. Each stage was easy. Just stay calm.
That's all that was needed. Stay calm and keep to the Plan.
Before: It couldn't be better. No one suspected a thing. Not the real thing, anyway. And everything was set. The phone call this afternoon confirmed all that. Easy as pie.
During: What could go wrong? Nothing, that's what. Be quick, that was crucial. Quick but no rushing. Rushing meant mistakes. Quick but slow? Was that possible? No. Quick but relaxed? Yes, that was possible. That was the goal. Quick, quick, quick but nice and relaxed. Get in, wait for the right moment, do it, get out.
Quick quick quick.
Relaxxxxeddddd.
And then there was After. That would be the trickiest. Loose ends to take care of. And no way to practice what was going to happen. Too had. Practice was usually the key. Practice made perfect, didn't it?
Well, at least it made it easier to he quick quick quick.
And easy and relaxed.
Still, After would he fine.
And then: Over.
All over.
Soon now. One more day.
Before, During, After, Over.
Very, very soon.
NINE
April 1, 4 p.m.
Jack and Caroline were surveying every tiny detail of the new restaurant. To Jack, every night he was at work was a little bit like being in a Broadway show. The preparation, the pre-curtain tension, the beginning of the performance, the exhaustion that came after the final bow. Today, even this early in the day in Charlottesville, it felt like an opening night on the Great White Way.
They'd taken over an old soda fountain/restaurant/general store in the Downtown Mall as well as the pizza parlor next door. The location was perfect, right next to the Piedmont Council of the Arts, the Thomas Jefferson Planning District Commission, and the Virginia Economic Development Corporation. Everyone who worked for those influential organizations had been sent invitations to the opening-night party and they, as well as all office workers within a five-block stretch of the mall, had received a voucher saying that Jack's would stock their favorite wine or brand of liquor and keep individual bottles for private use when they dined there. After knocking down walls and redesigning the space, the restaurant sat 125 inside. They had also negotiated for the use of outdoor seating on the long red-brick patio in front of the restaurant. So right outside were cast-iron tables and thirty chairs, along with clay planters overflowing with rosebushes.
The restaurant looked gorgeous. Jack didn't even bother to concern himself with that – Caroline was incapable
