Icarus

With that, Kid walked Jack out to the balcony, where he'd set up the barbells and dumbbells they were going to use that day. 'I figure for the summer we can move the whole gym out here, the machines and everything. The awning'll cover the stuff in case it rains, but you can run and lift and bike outside. It'll be nice sweating in real air instead of air-conditioning. For now, we might as well use it for free weights.'

The day was spectacular and Jack breathed in the city air and surveyed the enveloping green view, a green that was now dotted with color from the first planting of tulips and the crush of pedestrians happy to be outside strolling and jogging and even dozing on benches.

The workout was a pleasure. Invigorating. Jack did little but concentrate on what he was doing. He was relatively free of any contemplative thoughts, instead just enjoying the warmth of the sun hitting him and the ease of his movements. He vaguely noticed that Kid seemed restless. He was pacing. And while Jack did his biceps curls, Kid was furiously pumping heavy iron. He wasn't paying full attention to Jack, which was rare. He was straining, forcing himself to bench four hundred pounds, hurling heavy grunts and muscling aching moans into the air; then he grabbed a barbell, put it behind his neck with two hundred pounds of weight attached, and rapidly squatted out fifteen reps. Even that didn't quite do it. As Jack finished up the last of his exercises, Kid still looked like a coiled spring waiting to explode.

'What's up with you?' Jack finally asked. He was down from the high of his own workout, the world was back in normal focus, and now he saw that there was indeed something troubling Kid. This was not just restless energy he was seeing.

'Things are comin' down.'

'The Team?'

'A little bit. Maybe.'

'The Mistake.'

'Jesus, you don't forget anything, do you? Yeah, it's gotten even weirder. The more I find out…' Kid's voice trailed off.

'What else?' Jack asked.

'A whole bunch of things.'

'Like what?'

'School. Finals. I'm training a lot of people. And… and I want to bring you something, something I want to show you. I mentioned it before. The MBA, my idea…'

'Whenever you want.'

Kid was nervous. His words were coming out faster than usual. And Jack thought that the sweat on his forehead was from more than his quick and brutal workout. 'I'm working up a plan. I'll put it down on paper. You don't have to like it or anything. I mean, you can be honest, but I really want you to like it. Or at least take it seriously, okay? It's really important to me that you take it seriously.'

'Kid, when did I ever not take you seriously?'

Kid let some air whoosh out of him. Jack's words seemed to relax him. 'Never, I guess.' He chewed on his lip, thinking. 'It's gonna take me a little while to get it right. A few weeks at least, maybe a month.'

'Bring it to me whenever you're ready. Whenever you think it's right. I'll take it seriously and I'll be honest and I'll be blunt. How's that?'

'That's good,' Kid said. 'That's real good.' He hesitated. 'And, look, it's not just me. It involves my buddy Bryan. You remember Bryan? From when we were kids?'

'The big guy. Your shadow.'

'Yeah. Smaller now since he cut out the steroids.'

'Helluva blocker. I remember.'

'Well…' Kid was back to being jittery. 'Maybe I can bring him. I mean, after you read this plan. For a meeting.'

'You can bring whoever you want,' Jack said. 'I'd like to see him again. Be like old times, you guys eating enough for ten, me paying. As long as I can be just as honest. And just as blunt.'

Kid looked relieved. 'Yeah,' he said. 'That's perfect. That's completely perfect.' He took a deep breath now, nodded to himself a couple of times, and Jack thought he was calming down. Kid turned away from Jack, stood near the wall at the end of the terrace, peered out curiously at something. As Kid stepped closer to the edge, Jack felt his stomach clench.

'Hey,' Kid said. 'Do you know you could actually walk to the next building from here?'

'No,' Jack said. He didn't know if Kid could hear it, but there was definitely a tremor in his voice. As Kid bent to look over the edge, Jack felt his throat tighten. 'I never-'

'Seriously. The buildings are connected. Someone could walk along this ledge and get to that rooftop. You'd have to be kind of nuts but…'

'Kid…' Jack's mouth was dry now. The image in front of him – Kid standing by the wall, leaning over – turned wavy and fuzzy, like a TV set with bad reception.

'And these gargoyles. Unbelievable. These are scary-looking motherfuckers. I never even noticed them before! God, they're huge.'

'Kid…'

And then it happened. Kid took yet another step closer to the restraining wall and with one sudden motion, one fluid jump, leapt up to stand on it.

Jack screamed.

Or at least he thought he did. He tried to scream but no sound came out. He saw Kid perched on the ledge, standing on the precipice, and his own legs turned wobbly. He wanted to call out but he couldn't. It was as if a hand had clamped down over his mouth. He looked up at the sky and saw the bright sun shining down, only it was spinning, going sideways, whirling around the clouds and getting brighter, turning everything a bleached-out white. And he saw a figure – he knew it wasn't real, couldn't be real – but he saw it anyway: a boy with feathered wings, flying by the sun, then falling, plummeting, waving his hands wildly trying to keep himself aloft, but failing. Falling even faster. Falling…

Jack felt himself choking, no air was coming in, and he remembered: Look down… Look straight down… Grab something, hold on to something and look down…

Jack gripped the bench he was sitting on, forced his head down to look at the floor of the terrace. He closed his eyes then and waited for the dizziness to pass, for the heaving in his stomach to stop and the panic to disappear.

He heard Kid's voice calling his name. Jack took a deep breath, then another, and a third. Without looking up, without opening his eyes, he tried to speak, didn't think he could, but he was surprised when he heard the words in his head come out of his throat.

'Down…' he gasped. 'Get down…'

Still with his eyes shut tight, he heard Kid's voice, totally calm and unhurried. 'Jack,' he said. 'Jack. It's okay.'

Jack opened his eyes. The dizziness had passed. But still he didn't look up. His mind took him, without looking, to the ledge, and he pictured Kid standing there, looking over the city, nothing to stop him from toppling, and Jack thought he was going to throw up. He shut his eyes again, tried to force the image out of his head, the image of Kid tumbling in a free fall through the air, down… down… And then it wasn't Kid who was falling, it was Jack. In the image, his eyes were open and he was screaming, but there was nothing to see and there was no noise…

'Jack.' It was Kid's voice. 'Open your eyes.'

Jack didn't move.

'Nothing's going to happen, Jack. I'm not going to fall.'

Jack's eyes fluttered open. But he didn't move. Didn't look up.

'You only fall if you want to fall,' Kid said. 'Please. Just open your eyes and look.'

Jack breathed in slowly. He knew it was foolish, he felt weak and stupid. But his brain had no control over what he was feeling. This was pure terror, an uncontrollable phobia. The idea of being so close to the edge…

'You only fall if you want to fall, Jack. Please. Just look up.'

Jack exhaled now. He felt as if he'd been holding his breath forever. Slowly he lifted his head up. Kid was standing on the wall of the terrace, facing Jack. His back was to the park, to the city and the street below. Jack trembled, forced himself not to turn away. He could see the sky in the background, the blue with white clouds, Kid