“The effect on what?”
“On your person.”
“My what?”
“Your person.” She enunciates carefully. “Per. Son. The person you’re creating.”
I lean forward and The Leg shifts slightly. “You almost sound like you’re talking about a real human being.”
She blinks and brushes back an errant strand of hair. “Don’t be ridiculous. Of course it’s not real. That would be illegal. The fines would be astronomical. The government would probably shut us down. I might even go to jail. Me!”
“I didn’t—”
“No, no, no. This just provides students with an opportunity to learn how to…”
“To play God?” I supply.
She snaps her fingers. “Exactly. Exactly, exactly.” Deep sigh. “Exactly. We want to enable the average person, a person like… like him”—her eyes flit toward Solo—“to understand what makes humans… human.” She waves a dismissive hand and trails Bulgari.
“‘Like him’?” I repeat.
“You know what I mean: Someone who’s not a scientist.”
“A mere mortal,” Solo suggests.
“Stupidity is relative,” my mother says, still addressing me. “And it’s also case-specific. Thomas, the scientist most directly responsible for this project, has an IQ of 169. He also has his entire body covered in ridiculous tattoos. He’s very smart at science. You, Eve, are very smart at school, particularly science, and very stupid at choosing your friends.”
“Oh, snap,” I say.
“What?”
“Sorry. I was flashing back to 2005.”
The corners of Solo’s mouth flirt with a smile.
“The point is, you get to play God.”
“Can I play Portal instead?”
“You play Portal?” Solo asks.
“I have,” I say cautiously. “Is it all right with you if a girl plays Portal?”
“A girl?” He’s puzzled.
“Yes. I am, in fact, a girl.”
“I noticed,” he says.
“No, you did not notice she’s a girl,” my mother snarls. “You noticed she’s my daughter.”
My mother favors Solo with a look that has reduced many a grown man and woman to sniveling terror. She is in full feral mode.
But Solo is not afraid.
Oh, he pretends to be intimidated, but it’s an act. I see it as plain as day. He’s not intimidated at all. In fact, within his play-acting there’s something deeper going on.
“Yes, ma’am,” he says.
Oh my God. He hates her.
This startles me. I can’t quite believe what I’m seeing in those eyes. He actually hates her.
I mean, I hate my mother, too, sometimes. But I’m her daughter. I’m supposed to.
And there are moments, like right now, when I actually kind of love her. At least, I love the way she loves her work.
Whatever’s going on inside Solo’s head, he hides it quickly. He slides his gaze to the side, away from her, and when he looks up his eyes are as distant and unknowable as a starless sky.
He has really nice lashes. Better than mine.
I look for something to do. I reach my hand toward the touch screen. Objects on the wall screen move.
“So I make a human,” I say. “Is this just about how they look?”
“No, no, that would be a paint-by-numbers set.” My mother smiles, but not at me. She’s smiling at the computer-generated image. “No, if you’re playing God, a lot of the fun is in building the brain. The mind.”
She takes a step away. Her hands come up to form a sort of basket of fingers. It’s one of her gestures. She uses it when lecturing her underlings.
“We are at a turning point in the evolution of the human species,” she says, surveying, with slightly crazy eyes, an imaginary audience. “Evolution has blindly felt its way forward. Now we, the product of evolution, are taking the reins. We are taking the wheel.”
“Is it the reins or the wheel?” I ask perkily, but she hears nothing.
“We will soon have the ability to design and create the new human. Evolution still, but guided evolution.”
There is a long pause. I am not entirely sure if she expects us to applaud.
“Of course,” she adds, coming down off her high, “only in computer simulation.”
I don’t know where she was headed with her lecture. But I am definitely sure that this project sounds interesting. The touch screen calls to me. Suddenly I’m wishing everyone would go away and let me play.
“I think I’ll… you know. Just mess around with the program a little,” I say.
My mother is pleased. Solo is… well, I can’t exactly tell.
Ten minutes pass. I look up and I’m alone.
I didn’t even notice them leave.
I stare at my first choice. The choice I have to make before I get into the details of playing God: male or female?
I consider the looming monitor.
Here’s the thing: I am not beautiful.
I’m pretty. I’ll allow that much. Pretty.
But I’m not the girl boys long for.
Cheerleader? No. Prom queen? No. Voted most likely to get a modeling contract? No.
It’s not like I’ve spent my life beating the boys back with a flaming torch.
So. Am I “creating” a male or a female?
Worse yet… no, maybe it’s
When you’re at a high school, looking around at the boys, and you subtract all the ones who are looking for Ms. Perfect, and subtract all the childish, ludicrous, boring, mean, or sex-obsessed ones, there aren’t that many left.
It’s not that I think I’m some kind of prize.
No, wait, that’s not true. I do think I’m some kind of prize. I’m smart and occasionally funny and I’m pretty. I don’t see why I should spend long dates with some guy who expresses himself in single syllables and wants to go to slasher movies.
Which does not answer the question: male or female?
I also don’t understand why I should let some guy fondle me when I know the relationship has no future. I don’t need to be groped that badly.
So I’ve been on exactly three dates. The first when I was fourteen. The most recent two years ago.
A guy tried to kiss me once. I didn’t let him.
I live that part of my life vicariously through Aislin.
I hear her stories. And I admit I’m fascinated most of the time. Sometimes kind of appalled. And then fascinated again.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be her. To be that… experimental. To be that “what the hell?”. To actually have detailed, well-informed opinions on questions having to do with kissing. Or whatever.
