Garrett!” He gave a deep, self-berating growl. “What I mean to say is, do you still hold me in contempt?”
No outward smile, but her satisfaction lightened her inside like a fresh ballonet. Then of a sudden it fell, and she recalled Bernie’s graveside funeral-the blacks and greys billowing austerely, the droning preacher reciting secondhand testimonies from friends and family, the passing of simple joy from her young world. It seemed only yesterday. So much had happened since then, but in Verity’s eyes, no one had yet atoned for Bernie’s needless death in the Benguela fire.
“I don’t know what to think,” she said. “Were it on personal regard alone, I should not hesitate in esteeming you very highly, Embrey, but-”
“Of course. The dreaded small print.”
“Don’t try and belittle it, damn you! For all I know, you and you father and uncle are the liars, and the Council acted appropriately. Ah, ah, not so fast.” She stilled his vicious temper in mid-huff. “You asked the question, knowing how sensitive this topic is for both of us. So don’t send for your second just yet. Let me finish. What I was trying to say was…inasmuch as your father’s and your uncle’s complicity in the rebel attack that killed my sister, I simply cannot take your word for their innocence. But nor shall I take their guilt for granted either, based on the findings of a court whose veracity is now in question. I’m therefore reserving judgment on the Embrey family name.”
His gaze softened, glazed. He looked away, cleared his throat-his manly pride at stake. “Which leaves your personal regard for me?”
“Aye. And yours for me.” She widened her eyes, batted her lashes. “Tell me, am I all right in your book, Embrey?” Turning to give him a look at her side profile empowered her a little-other men had remarked on how striking it was.
He fidgeted, as though he were struggling to come up with the perfect response. “I say, fluky weather we’re having.”
“Very.” And fluky conversation.
“Tell me. As a Gannet officer, at what point would you disobey an order from the powers-that-be?” he asked.
Again a moment of disorientation. His mercurial questions were really making her dizzy. “Pray clarify.”
“It’s just that, given the sheer ambition of the Council, as we’ve witnessed here-” he roved his hand over the mist in unison with his carefully chosen words, “-do you still consider yourself subject to its corrupt commands? Morally speaking?” He chewed his lip.
“I think I know what you’re getting at, Embrey, and the answer is…probably not, no.” If father could hear me now! “Before Bernie died, I daresay I would have followed any order to any end without thinking twice. That was what my father preached. The might of the empire was a force for good in the world, bringing light to the dark continent, etcetera. But when Bernie died, I did start to question why we were being asked to throw our lives away in countries so far from England we could barely find them on the map. I followed orders, yes, but something changed inside me. I can’t explain it. It was on the bottom of the English Channel when I finally felt-how can I put it? — expendable? Futile?”
“You’d surrendered yourself to a cause you no longer understood?”
“Yes, exactly. How did you-”
He nodded over the taffrail. “That was what my father said. He served in the colonial forces for years before his arrest. And in that one moment, despite his years of blind loyalty to a greater cause, he realized that devotion was not mutual. The empire cared nothing for those who truly sustained it-the workers, the troops, those who sacrificed the most and reaped the fewest rewards. He never profited a penny from those overseas ventures, and it didn’t matter. They scapegoated him all the same.”
“I don’t care about rewards,” she replied, “but I’d rather the Council explain exactly what it is they’re up to building these towers around the world. It costs too many lives to sustain them. That’s where they and I part company.”
“Indeed. I’m glad.”
“And after everything you and Professor Reardon have told me about the Council, I must admit it has shaken my trust somewhat.”
She fidgeted, and found the seditious conversation curiously exciting. But why was her admission of mistrust so empowering? Father had always maintained the opposite was true-fighting for one’s country was the ultimate source of pride.
“And what of you?” She determined the interrogation wasn’t going to be completely one-sided. And she didn’t want to expose too much of her newfound rebelliousness in case he made her say something she’d regret. “What have you learned through all this, Embrey?”
“All this?”
“Hobnobbing with aeronauts, seeing life outside your fancy circles.”
“What a bloody impertinent thing to say,” he snapped.
She sighed. Why can’t I last two minutes without antagonising him?
“But I tell you what I have learned.” He demonstrated his freezing breath with a prolonged exhale.
“And that is?”
“That things happen for a reason. Take my daughter for instance. She inherits everything in the event of my disappearance.”
Wait-what? How could he- “I–I didn’t know you were married.”
“I’m not. Never was. I knew Susan’s mother only briefly in India before I returned home. When I found out she was with child, I offered to bring her to England and marry her, but she refused. Said she’d rather die than leave India. So I’ve provided for them both ever since. Funny how things work out, though, is it not? As soon as I’m declared extinct, little Susan will inherit one of the largest estates in England. It’s in my will, and even if we make it back, I shan’t lift a finger to stop it. With or without me, she ought to have my fortune. She barely knows me but… I’d dearly love to see her one last time.”
“You’re an honest fellow, Embrey.”
He cleared his throat. “Speaking of which…and don’t take this the wrong way, but…are you attached at all? In Africa, perhaps?”
“No.” She shuddered through a sharp vision of Amyn lying weak in her arms, the poison squeezing the last drops of life from him. Strange, she hadn’t thought of him for days, and he’d chosen this moment to distract her. She recoiled. “I believe we have more pressing concerns.”
“Yes, indeed…like what’s going to happen when we return.” He rested his hands on the taffrail and then glimpsed her from the corner of his eye. “Forgive my impertinence-I realise this may be the farthest thing from your mind right now, given what we’re about to attempt-but I’ll not have it go unsaid any longer. We simply don’t have time.” He gazed wistfully out into the mist, then cleared his throat again. “Verity, when we return, would you consider accompanying me to Europe?”
“I would-” she answered without thinking, “-I mean what? Why? In what capacity?” Could he be any vaguer? What does he want? A chaperone? Someone to sail him there and leave him? Another mistress? A harlot?
“You know…to come with me,” he replied evasively. “So we don’t have to be apart.”
“I see. And would I be playing the steamer trunk or the frock coat in this little pantomime?”
“Verity, I-”
She pressed a finger against his cold lips. “Unless you intend to court me, Embrey, don’t speak another word. Not one more. I don’t think I could take any more confounded uncertainty. Not here. Not now.” A gap in the roving mist uncovered the hill of rubble outside Reardon’s factory. She let herself sink into Embrey’s gentle embrace, the crinkling sound of his coat nestling against her both warm and sweet. A hint of tobacco enwrapped her.
“I intend to never let you go,” he whispered.
She closed her eyes, rested her head on his shoulder, and felt the tension between them finally evaporate like the last icy dew of the Spring thaw. She opened her eyes. Through the fog, the sun tried to auger in a brilliant day but managed only a flaxen-silver glow. For the time being, all she had was hope, but it was enough.
“So you will go with me?”
“I will.”
“Whatever happens?”
“Whatever happens,” she promised.
