You Had Me at Halo

Well, since that spiritual realigner guy of yours seems to be walking towards us, I’d say that was a good indication. I sure know my life takes a dive every time he’s around.

Holy felt sick as she realized Vince was right. Here came Dr. Hill. Oh great.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Holly stared at him. He still had the same ginger hair and chubby fingers, but he sort of looked different this time. Less fuzzy. And instead of the white garb, he was wearing a regular pair of Levi’s and a multicolored shirt, while in his hands were several familiar looking bags. Had he been shopping?

“What are you doing here?”

“I’ve come down to give you your mid-manual purging analysis, of course. Honestly Miss Evans, you could’ve at least brought the rulebook with you for a bit of light reading. Then you might be able to follow the state of play a bit better. It’s standard procedure.”

“My mid-manual purging? You’ve got to be joking.”

“I don’t think he’s joking,” Vince commented.

Dr. Hill pushed his two red eyebrows together in surprise. “Why would I come all the way down here to joke?”

“See.” Vince grinned.

“Same reason you’ve come down here to go shopping?” Holly pointed out.

“Oh.” His face turned red as he kicked the bags. “You mean these old things. They’re nothing.”

“Yeah right. I might be stuck in Vince’s body but I can still tell a designer-outlet-end-of-season-sale bag when I see one.”

Dr. Hill dropped down onto the nearby bench and raised his hands. “Okay, guilty as charged. So I like my clothes. Really if you had to do as much inter-dimensional travel as I do, you’d make the most of the perks as well.”

“Preaching to the converted,” Holly assured him. “You don’t need to tell me the joys of shopping. Just a pity I can’t exactly try anything on in this state.”

“I’m right here you know,” Vince reminded her.

“Ah yes.” Dr. Hill fumbled around in his pocket for a notebook and a pen. “So how are you both coping with the transition?”

“The transition has been fine, but trying to get anything done has been pretty much impossible. Just for the record I think it should be known as an oxymoron when you send a girl back in a guy’s body in order to sort out her issues, because I’m sure this experience is creating more problems than it’s solving.”

“I know it isn’t an ideal situation,” Dr. Hill admitted as he chewed at the end of his pen. “But it’s the best we can do. So, anyway, I guess we’d better get on with it then.” He reached down into one of the shopping bags and pulled out a small electronic device with a red laser light at one end.

Holly eyed the device. “Get on with what?”

“The mid-manual purging analysis of course.”

“I thought that’s what you were just doing. With the notebook and the questions.”

“Oh no, that’s for a sociological paper I’m writing on the side. These days if you don’t publish you don’t get promoted. The real test is with this machine. It measures the amount of negative and destructive thoughts in your mind and can tell how close you are to shedding your earthly issues.”

“You mean there’s a machine to do that?” Holly, who had spent her life cheating at the various magazine quizzes she’d done (from “Is that guy really into you?” up to “Are you ready to push through the glass ceiling?”), looked horrified. Even the Baker Colwell Potential Employee Personality Test had been a breeze to get through as long as you could recognize which were trick questions and which were legitimate qualifiers.

“It’s foolproof,” he agreed.

“But how does it work when there’s two of us in here?”

“Well, actually.” Dr. Hill pulled a strange looking needle out of his case. “That’s the first thing we need to talk about. In order for me to get an accurate reading, I need to make sure Mr. Murphy isn’t around.”

“I thought you said that couldn’t be done?” She narrowed her eyes. “So what’s changed all of a sudden?”

“I’m not taking him out of the body. I’m just going to put him to sleep for a few hours, so that he doesn’t interfere with the machine.”

“You want to give him that big needle and knock him out?” Holly demanded and when Dr. Hill agreed she gave a decisive shake of her head. “No way.”

“If I don’t do it then I can’t do the reading,” the doctor tried to explain but Holly just poked out her bottom lip in a mulish expression.

“Look, I might have deserved to be kicked out of heaven, but poor Vince here has been really good to me today and I’ve already messed up his life quite enough. He’s not having the needle.”

“What happens if we don’t do it?” Vince suddenly asked. “Will Holly get in trouble for not having this mid- purging analysis thing?”

Dr. Hill frowned. “She won’t get in trouble, but it’s designed to let her know how close she is to getting her issues sorted. Without it she’s more or less flying blind. It’s very haphazard.”

“I’ll chance it,” Holly said firmly.

“Well, I won’t,” Vince retorted in a surprisingly alpha way. “You hated Level One so the sooner you’re out of there the better. Give me the needle.”

“No.” Holly shook her head “Vince, it’s really nice of you, but honestly you’ve done enough already.”

“If you don’t get your issues sorted you might never see your parents again.” Vince thrust out his right arm. “Now let’s just get this thing done.”

“I need your consent as well, Miss Evans.” Dr. Hill appeared to be studying her face.

Vince—

Just say yes, Holly. I mean it, I’ll be okay and this way you can make sure you see your dad again. Okay?

Holly sniffed as she reluctantly nodded at Dr. Hill. “Fine, but you better make sure this thing is one hundred and ten percent safe.”

“You have my word on it.”

She winced as the cool tip of the needle sunk into her arm. “How does it know where Vince is and where I am?” she tried not to notice that her voice was wobbly.

“It’s all part of the abracadabra stuff. Mystical medicine is the best way of summing it up.” Dr. Hill now put away the needle and picked up the machine.

Vince, are you okay? she tentatively asked but she already knew he wasn’t there. After spending the day with him, it felt…odd, not to have him right with her.

He’s a nice guy by the way. You were lucky. Now, are you ready?

Holly held out her hand and the doctor slid a small steel ring over her knuckle. For a minute or so nothing happened before the machine started to make a beeping noise.

“What does that mean?”

“W-well.” He didn’t quite meet her eye. “It’s not great. You still seem to be struggling to get things resolved.”

“Yes, but I’m getting there,” Holly tried to nod her head in a positive fashion in case Dr. Hill was up for a bit of Jedi mind trick. “There was a bit of a setback with finding out who slipped me the pills, I was so certain it was Rochelle, but…well…Gemma and I will retrace my steps again and see what else we can come up with. As for Todd, I’m seeing him tonight. I have a feeling that’s going to go okay.”

“Of course.” The doctor gave a supportive smile. “It’s just you’ve really got to try and get everything sorted out. I can’t stress that enough.”

“I know.” Holly nodded. “Or else I’ll be stuck in horrid old Level One for ages. Well, I suppose there’s always the fat bloke to talk to,” she said with a sigh.