Feersum Endjinn

from thi seelin & conectid wif hoops & stuf.  I sit up.  Im in sum kinda big sirculir room with dark windos; stars outa 1 side, thi Encroachment on thi uthir.  Thi thing abuv me seems 2 b a modil ov thi solar sistim & it takes up most ov thi space in thi room.  In thi midil ov thi room, undir thi big gloab ov thi sun, thers a buncha cowches, seets & desks & stuf.  Thers a gy thare, standin on a desk, holdin his hand up 2 thi modil sun.  He sez sumthin, nods, then gets down & cums ovir 2 me.  Heez got blond hare & goldin Is & skin like dark polishd wood.  Heez wayrin a pare ov shorts & a litl waystcoat.  He waves 2 me.

O helo, he sez, r u ol rite?

Not 2 bad, I say, witch is tru.  My soar hed's a lot betir & thi.rest ov me isnt aykin 2 mutch Ither but if I had 2 pik 1 improovmint abuv ol thi uthirs it wude ? b thi fact I doan feel like Im juss abowt 2 dy eny moar.

Welcum 2 thi hi Grate Towr, thi holo blossim ov thi fastniss, he sez.  This iz thi Orrery Room.  May i help u up?

Thanx, I sez, akseptin his hand & getin 2 ma feet.

Thi lites in thi room flikir.  Thi man lukes up & smilez.

Ah, he sez.  He lukes bak @ thi centir ov thi room, goze stil 4 a sekind, then lukes @ me & wif a grate big smyle on his fayce sez, Fayth moovs mownitins.  From our holoniss is discharjed owr sentril purpis; it is sent that we may b deliverd.

Padin?  I sed.

Cum; let me find u sumthin 2 eet & drink.

Wel, I wen wif thi gy, but I doan mind sayin I woz givin him a funy luke bhind his bak.  He got me 2 sit in a chare in thi centir ov thi rume & startid fiddlin wif sum sorta control fings on 1 ov thi desks.

It's bin so long, he sez, scratchin his hed.  Whot wude u like? he asks.

Frankly chum, I sed, am parcht.  I fancy a cup ov t but enyfin wet wude do.

T, he sez, scratchin @ hiz nodil agen.  T; let me c.  He punchiz sum moar controals.

I luke up @ thi modil ov thi sun hangin ovir my hed.  I stil doan feel 2 brliyint but Im a lot betir than I woz.  I ? a stretch & luke aroun.  Lyin on a neerby desk thers thi pakidje I woz supoasd 2 delivir heer.

O I sez.  Scuse me, is that pakidje 4 u then? & poynt @ it.

Whot? he sez, turnin & lukein @ it.  O, i spose so, if u like, he sez, & turns bak 2 thi controls.

Ahem, I sez.  I doan wan 2 apeer ungratfil or nuffin but I did neerli dy getin that pakidje up heer; wude u mind telin me whot woz in it?

In it? thi gy sez, frownin @ me.  O, ther woznt actchooli enythin in it.  He goze bak 2 thi screen.  T, he sez, t t t.  Hmm.

I stare @ him.

Wel then, hulo? am saying scuse me, but wel then; whot thi bleedin hel woz thi poynt ove me cumin up heer then?

Thi gy turnz & smiles @ me, then turnz away agen.

I juss sit thare shakin ma hed & feelin lyk a pryz idyit.

Thi chap wif thi goldin lox muttirs 2 himself & eventyerli gets a sorta silindir 2 apeer up outa thi desk.  He reetchis inside & brings outa a cup ov stuf witch he shos me.

T? he sez.

I snif thi cup & shak ma hed.  Cola, I sez.  But itil do.  Cheers.

Frangly its crap cola but begirs cant b choosirz.

Sumfin to eet? thi gy sez, lukin hoapfil.

I fink about this.  Whot wude u rekomend?  I ask.

I drink anuthir few cups ov soda — its getin betir wif eech cup — whyle thi gy trys 2 get sum cakes 2gethir but wifout mutch suksess.  Hes starin @ a pyl ov steemin pink goo thi desks just prodoosed when he straitins & luks @ me, smilin & lukin ded hapy.

Then sumfin drops onto ma sholdir from abuv.

Its time to stare agen.  So I stare.

Bascule; helo agen.  Wel dun.  Mishin akumplished.  U no, I lost count ov thi times I cursed u 4 yoor damd persistins ovir thi past cupil ov days, when far 2 mutch ov ma time seemd 2 b spent makin arrainjmints 4 yoor saifti witch u seemd 2 dvote ol yoor efirts 2 frustraytin, but in thi end I needid help & u wer thare 2 provyd it.  I thang u.  Wel, sumfin 2 tel yoor grandchilrin, I supoas.  Don't u fink?… Bascule?  Bascule, can u heer me?

I stare @ thi tiny litil thing sitin on ma sholdir.

Ergates? I sez hoarsly.

Hoo els?

Is it reely u?

U no eny uthir to kin ants?

Whot thi bleedin hel u doin up heer?

Deliverin a mesidje.

Thass whot they toal me, I sez, glansin @ thi blond gy, hooz stil mutterin & punchin butins.

A nesisery fabrikation.  Whot u wer reely deliverin woz me.

U?

Me.  Aftir I abandind my baloon I had got so far up thi steps from thi sentril shaft, but then it becaim obvyis I cude go no furthir bcoz ov thi doar — doars in thi plooril as it turnd owt — blokin ma way.  Very frustraytin.  I woz abil 2 contact thi lammergeiers but thi burd they sent 2 help me cude not evin reech me b4 thi por creetchir dyd.  U wer lyk thi ansir 2 owr prayrz.  I juss hopt on u as u pasd & hitchd a lift.

So I did heer u wen I tryd 2 kript!  I fot I woz dyin!

Actyerli i think u wer, Bascule, but u also did heer me.

Nyway, I sez, poyntin @ thi blond puntir struglin wif thi food-desk thing, y cuden this gy ? cum & helpt u?

He did not no I woz on ma way.  Thi fass-towr is not thi eesiest ov plaisis 2 comyoonicate wif evin if we had wantid 2 anownse I woz on ma way.  He onli new we wer heer wen I woz abil 2 activayt thi doar 2 thi botim-most live floar.

I juss luke @ that dam ant 4 a wile.

So r u this asoora evribod's bin tokin about?

No, Ergates sez, laffin.  Tho i woz creatid in a simla mannir.  My task woz 2 act as a kee 4 thi towr axess sistims; they wer kept seperit from thi rest of the towrs funksins so that if thi towr AIs wer evir infectid wif thi kaos they cude not fasilitayt a fizikil invayzhin ov thi towrs upir reechis.  I supose am a sorta micro-asoora if u lyk, tho ol ive reely dun is press a lift butin.

But whot abowt that bleedin lammergeier whot snatchd u from Mr Zoliparias; that woz ol a set-up, woz it?

Ov coars.

But u shoutid ma naim & went Eek!

Had 2 mak it luke convinsin.

U mite ? sed gudeby.

I wayvd ma anteni; whot moar u wont?

Bludy hel.  I stare in2 thi distins, then luke up @ thi mobile.

So whots goan hapin now?  I ask.  Whot were u doin up thare?

I woz deliverin a messidje 2 a receptor chip berrid in thi modil erth.  Thi coad itself is meeningless but its supoasd 2 activayt thi relivint sistims.  Evrything seems 2 b wurkin, tho ther r reportz we may not ? tym 2 test thi elivaytirs.  I ? 2 say I didn xpect my arivil & that ov thi asoora 2 okur in qwite sutch close proximiti.

Cake! thi gy sez, & brings ovir a plate cuverd wif smol steemin brown lumps.  I snif them.

Miby sumfin in thi savery line mite be moar apopryit, I sujest.  Thi gy lukes like his crest juss fel.

O! # browns; my fayvrit!  Ergates sez.  Let me @ them.

Thi gy lukes hapier & ofirs thi playt 2 Ergates, who climes on2 it & lifts a crum bigir than she is & then returns 2 my sholdir.

Yoor Is r bigir than yoor stumik, I tel hir.

Im a ant; my Is r bigir than my stumik.