Use of Weapons

colds,' the young crewman explained, showing her and the drone into an elevator at one end of the hangar.

'All of you?' Sma said, as the door closed and the elevator rolled and rose. 'The whole crew?'

'Yes, dough dot all ad the sabe tibe. The peebil who've recobered say id's very pleasid abter it's ober.'

'Yes,' Sma said, glancing at the drone, which was keeping a standard pattern of formal blue on its aura field, apart from one large red dot on its side that probably only she could see; it was pulsing rapidly. When she noticed it she almost started laughing herself. She cleared her throat. 'Yes, I suppose it would be.'

The young man sneezed mightily.

'Due for a spot of R-and-R soon, are we?' Skaffen-Amtiskaw asked him. Sma nudged the machine with her elbow.

The young crewman looked puzzledly at the machine. 'Jusd bidished sub, adjilly.'

He glanced away to the elevator door as it started to open, Skaffen-Amtiskaw and Sma exchanged looks; Sma crossed her eyes.

They stepped into a wide social area, floored and walled with some dark red wood, polished to the point of gleaming; it supported a variety of richly upholstered couches and chairs, and a few low tables. The ceiling wasn't particularly high, but very attractive, composed of great flutes of gathered-up material rippling in from the walls and hung with many little lanterns. From the light level, it looked to be early morning, ship time. A group of people round one of the tables broke up and came towards her.

'Biz Sba,' the young crewman said indicating Sma, his voice seeming to get thicker all the time. The other people — about fifty-fifty men and women — smiled, introduced themselves. She nodded, exchanged a few words; the drone said hello.

One of the people in the group held a little bundle of brown and yellow fur, cradled against one shoulder rather as one might hold a baby. 'Here.' the man said, presenting the tiny furry creature to Sma. She took it reluctantly. It was warm, had four limbs arranged conventionally, smelled attractive and wasn't any sort of animal she'd ever seen before; it had large ears on a large head, and as she held it, it opened its huge eyes and looked at her. 'That's the ship,' the man who'd handed her the animal said.

'Hello,' the tiny being squeaked.

Sma looked it up and down. 'You're the Xenophobe?'

'Its representative. The bit you can talk to. You can call me Xeny.' It smiled; it had little round teeth. 'I know most ships just use a drone, but,' it glanced at Skaffen-Amtiskaw, 'they can be a bit boring, don't you think?'

Sma smiled, and sensed Skaffen-Amtiskaw's aura flicker out of the corner of her eye. 'Well, sometimes,' she agreed.

'Oh yes,' the little creature said, nodding. 'I'm much cuter.' It wriggled in her hands, looking happy. 'If you like,' it giggled, 'I'll show you to your cabin, yes?'

'Yes; good idea,' nodded Sma, and put the thing over her shoulder. The crewpeople called out to say they'd see her later as she, the ship's bizarre remote drone and Skaffen-Amtiskaw headed for the accommodation section.

'Ooh, you're nice and warm,' the little brown and yellow creature mumbled sleepily, snuggling into Sma's neck as they headed down a deeply carpeted corridor for Sma's quarters. It stirred and she found herself patting its back. 'Left here,' it said, at a junction, then, That's us just breaking orbit now, by the way.'

'Good,' Sma said.

'Can I cuddle up with you when you sleep?'

Sma stopped, detached the creature from her shoulder with one hand and stared it in the face. 'What?'

'Just for chumminess' sake,' the little thing said, yawning wide and blinking. 'I'm not being rude; it's a good bonding procedure.'

Sma was aware of Skaffen-Amtiskaw glowing red just behind her. She brought the yellow and brown device closer to her face. 'Listen, Xenophobe —»

'Xeny.'

'Xeny; you are a million-tonne starship; a Torturer class Rapid Offensive Unit. Even —»

'But I'm demilitarised!'

'Even without your principal armament, I bet you could waste planets if you wanted to —»

'Aw, come on; any silly GCU can do that!'

'So what is all this shit for?' She shook the furry little remote drone, quite hard. Its teeth chattered.

'It's for a laugh!' it cried. 'Sma; don't you appreciate a joke?'

'I don't know. Do you appreciate being drop-kicked back to the accommodation area?'

'Ooo! What's your problem, lady? Have you got something against small furry animals, or what? Look, Ms Sma; I know very well I'm a ship, and I do everything I'm asked to do — including taking you to this frankly rather fuzzily specified destination — and do it very efficiently, too. If there was the slightest sniff of any real action, and I had to start acting like a warship, this construct in your hands would go lifeless and limp immediately, and I'd battle as ferociously and decisively as I've been trained to. Meanwhile, like my human colleagues, I amuse myself harmlessly. If you really hate my current appearance, all right; I'll change it; I'll be an ordinary drone, or just a disembodied voice, or talk to you through Skaffen-Amtiskaw here, or through your personal terminal. The last thing I want to do is offend a guest.'

Sma pursed her lips. She patted the thing on its head, and sighed. 'Fair enough.'

'I can keep this shape?'

'By all means.'

'Oh goody!' It squirmed with pleasure, then opened its big eyes wide and looked hopefully at her. 'Cuddle?'

'Cuddle.' Sma cuddled it, patted its back.

She turned to see Skaffen-Amtiskaw lying dramatically on its back in mid-air, its aura field flashing the lurid orange that was used to signal Sick Drone in Extreme Distress.

Sma nodded goodbye to the little brown and yellow animal as it waddled away down the corridor which led back to the social area (it waved back with one chubby little paw), then closed the cabin door and made sure the room's internal monitoring was off.

She turned to Skaffen-Amtiskaw. ' Howlong are we on this ship for?'

'Thirty days?' Skaffen-Amtiskaw suggested.

Sma gritted her teeth and looked round the fairly cosy-looking but — compared to the echoing spaces of the old power station mansion — rather small cabin. 'Thirty days with a crew of viral masochists and a ship that thinks it's a cuddly toy.' She shook her head, sat into the bed field. 'Subjectively, drone, this could be a long trip.' She collapsed back into the bed, muttering.

Skaffen-Amtiskaw decided right now would probably still not be the best time to tell the woman about Zakalwe being missing.

'I'll just go and take a look round, if you don't mind,' it said, drifting towards the door over the neat line of bags that was Sma's luggage.

'Yeah, on you go,' Sma waved one arm lazily, then shucked off the jacket and let it fall to the deck.

The drone had almost made it to the door when Sma sat bolt upright, a frown on her face, and said, 'Wait a minute; what did the ship mean about'… rather fuzzily specified destination'? Doesn't it know where the hell we're going?'

Oh-oh, thought the drone.

It spun in the air. 'Ah,' it said.

Sma's eyes narrowed. 'We are just going to get Zakalwe, aren't we?'

'Yes. Of course.'

'We're not doing anything else?'

'Absolutely not. We find Zakalwe; we brief him; we take him to Voerenhutz. Simple as that. We might be asked to hang around for a bit, overseeing, but that isn't definite yet.'

'Yes, yes, I expected that, but… where exactly is Zakalwe?'

'Where exactly?' The drone said. 'Well, I mean; you know, that's…'

'All right,' Sma said, exasperated, 'approximately, then.'

'No problem,' Skaffen-Amtiskaw said, backing off towards the door.

'No problem?' Sma said, puzzled.