And so, a half-moon later, I stood on the quayside with the Doctor, hugging her and being hugged and knowing that I would do anything to make her stay or be allowed to follow her, and also that I would never see her again.
She pushed me gently away. 'Oelph,' she said, sniffing back her tears. 'You will not forget that Doctor Hilbier is more formal in his approach than I. I have respect for him but he-'
'Mistress, I will not forget anything you have told me.'
'Good. Good. Here.' She reached into her jacket. She presented me with a sealed envelope. 'I have arranged with the Mifeli clan that you have an account with them. This is the authority. You may use the earnings on what pleases you, though I hope you will do a little experimentation of the type I taught you —»
'Mistress!'
'— but the capital, I have instructed the Mifelis, the capital only becomes yours when you achieve the title of Doctor. I would advise you to buy a house and premises, but-'
'Mistress! An account? What? But what, where?' I said, genuinely astonished. She had already left me what she thought might come in useful to me — and what I might be able to store in a single room in the house of my new mentor, Doctor Hilbier — from her supplies of medicines and raw materials.
'It is the money the King gave me,' she said. 'I don't need it. It is yours. Also, there is in the envelope the key to my journal. It contains all the notes and the descriptions of my experiments. Please use it as you see fit.'
'Oh, mistress!'
She took my hand in hers and squeezed. 'Be a good doctor, Oelph. Be a good man. Now, quickly,' she said, with a desperately sad and unconvincing laugh, 'to save our tears before we both become hopelessly dehydrated, eh? Let us-'
'And if I became a doctor, mistress?' I asked, in a far more collected and cold manner than I would have imagined I was capable of at such a moment. 'If I became a doctor and used some of the money to mirror your trip, and come to Drezen?'
She had started to turn away. She turned halfway back, and looked at the wooden decking of the quay. 'No, Oelph. No, I… I don't think I'll be there.' She looked up and smiled a brave smile. 'Goodbye, Oelph. Fare well.'
'Goodbye, mistress. Thank you.'
I will love you for ever.
I thought the words, and could have said them, might have said them, perhaps nearly said them, but in the end did not say them. It may be that that was the unsaid thing even I did not know I had thought of saying that let me retain a shred of selfrespect.
She walked slowly up the first half of the steep-set gangplank, then lifted her head, lengthened her stride, straightened her back and strode up and on to the great galleon, her dark hat disappearing somewhere beyond the black webbing of the ropes, all without a backward glance.
I walked slowly back up the city, my head down, my tears dripping down my nose and my heart in my boots. Several times I thought to look up and round, but each time I told myself the ship would not have sailed yet. All the time I kept hoping, hoping, hoping that I would hear the slap of running, booted feet, or the doubled thud of a pursuing sedan chair, or the rattle of a hire carriage and the snort of its team, and then her voice.
The cannon went for the bell, echoing round the city and causing birds to flap and fly all over in wheeling dark flocks, crying and calling, and still I did not look round because I judged that I was in the wrong part of the city to see the harbour and the docks, and then when I finally did look up and back I realised I had walked too far up into the city and I was almost in Market Square. I could not possibly see the galleon from here, not even its top-most sails.
I ran back down the way I had come. I thought I might be too late, but it was not too late, and by the time I could see the docks again, there was the great vessel, all bulbous and stately and moving towards the harbour entrance under the tow of two long cutters full of men heaving on stout oars. There were still many people on the dockside, waving at the passengers and crew gathered near the stern of the departing galleon. I could not see the Doctor on the ship.
I could not see her on the ship!
I ran around the dockside like a mad man, looking for her. I searched each face, studied every expression, tried to analyse each stance and gait, as though in my lovelorn lunacy I really believed that she had indeed decided to quit the ship and stay here, stay with me, this whole apparent departure just a maddeningly extended joke, and yet, on relinquishing the ship, for a jest had decided to disguise herself, just to taunt me further.
The galleon slipped out to sea almost without me noticing, letting the cutters come creasing back across the waves while she, beyond the harbour wall, let drop her creamy fields of sail and took the wind about her.
After that, the people drifted away from the quay until there were just a couple of sobbing women left, one standing clutched in about herself, her face quite covered by her hands, the other squatting, face raised to stare emptily at the skies while the tears coursed down her cheeks in silence.
… And I, staring out at the gap between the harbour light-towers towards the distant line that was the jagged far circumference of Crater Lake. And there I stood, and wandered, stunned and unsteady, shaking my head and muttering to myself, and started to leave several times but could not, and so drifted back towards the quayside, assailed by the treacherous sparkle of the water that had let her slip away from me, buffeted by the wind that was blowing her further on her journey with each beat of my heart and hers, and attended by the caustic cries of wheeling sea birds and the quiet and hopeless sobs of women.
24. THE BODYGUARD
The bodyguard DeWar woke from a dream of flying. He lay there a moment in the darkness for the few moments it took him to come fully awake, remembering where he was, who he was, what he was, and what had been happening.
The weight of the knowledge of all that had gone so wrong so recently settled on him like a dozen coats of chain mail thrown one by one upon his bed. He even gave a little groan as he rolled over in the narrow cot and lay with one arm under the back of his head, staring up into the blackness.
The war in Ladenscion had been lost. It was as simple as that. The barons had got all they had ever asked for, and more, by taking it. The Dukes Simalg and Ralboute were on their way home with the tattered and dispirited remains of their armies.
Lattens had edged a little closer to death, whatever was wrong — with him proof against every remedy the physicians could devise.
UrLeyn had sat in on one war council, just yesterday, once the full extent of the catastrophe in Ladenscion had revealed itself through the jumble of reports and coded messages, but he had stared down at the table surface throughout, uttering only monosyllables mostly. He showed a little more animation and a spark of his old self when he had roundly condemned Simalg and Ralboute for the whole debacle, but even that tirade, towards the end, had seemed lacklustre and forced, as though he could not maintain even his anger.
It had been decided that there was little that could be done. The armies would return and the wounded would have to be cared for. A new hospital would be set up to this purpose. The army would be reduced to the minimum necessary for the defence of Tassasen. There had already been disturbances in the streets in a handful of cities when people who had in the past only grumbled over the increased taxes required for the war had rioted when they heard it had all been for nothing. Taxes would have to come down to keep the populace at peace and so a number of projects would have to be suspended or abandoned. At some point negotiations with the victorious barons would have to be entered into, to regularise matters once the situation had stabilised.
UrLeyn nodded all this through, seemingly uninterested in it all. The others could take care of it. He had left the council of war to return to his son's bedside.
UrLeyn still would not let the servants into his apartments, where he passed almost all his time. He spent a bell or two at Lattens' side each day, and visited the harem only erratically, often just talking with the older concubines and especially with the lady Perrund.
