apologize for the delay.” More movement. “Ah, here it is.” Then, as if she were reading, “Your point of contact representative is here to help you.” A pause. “How’s that?” Before he could respond, she started speaking again. “Now, I have several questions I need to ask you.”
“Wait,” he said, looking at the ad in his hand. “Tell me how you did this.”
“I, uh, haven’t done anything yet.”
“The book! How did you make it pop out of the air?”
“Book…pop out of the air,” she repeated, obviously not following him.
“It made this really weird sound, but I was the only one who could hear it.”
After several seconds, Fiona let out a long, “Ooooooh.” Then, like a machine gun in an old war movie, said, “Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.”
“Are you all right?”
“Of course, I’m all right. I’m just looking for the right question…ah…here it is. Number thirty-seven. Method of contact. I hate skipping ahead like this so if you don’t mind, we’ll get to that in a few minutes, okay?”
“No. Not o—”
“Question one. First name?”
“Uh…Eric.”
“Eric. I like that. Mine’s Fiona, or did I already tell you that? It’s Irish. My mom’s idea. She’s actually
“Excuse me? Don’t you want to know my last name?”
“That is question seven. Right now, I want to know how many bikes you own.”
“Me personally or my family?”
“You personally.”
“One. Why would I need more than that?” he asked.
“Question three. Age?”
“Thirteen. Fourteen in a month and a half.”
“No rushing ahead. Four. Birthday?”
“November 21st.”
“Five,” she said. “If you had the choice of pepperoni pizza or Hawaiian pizza, which would it be?”
“Hawaiian?”
“Is that definite or are you just guessing?”
“Is this really important?”
“I assure you our questionnaire has been put together and refined over many, many years. Everything I ask you is potentially important. So Hawaiian then?”
“Sure.”
“Great. Six. Shoe size?”
The questions went on and on. Besides telling her his last name, where he lived, where he went to school, the color of his eyes, and how he had gotten their phone number, Eric also answered questions on such things as favorite TV show, what grade he got on his last math test, and how many cavities he had. It was all very confusing.
When she finally finished, she said, “And how can we help you today?”
“Help me? I…I don’t know.”
“You
“It’s like my whole life is suddenly the opposite of what it usually is.”
“Suddenly…the…opposite,” she said.
He could picture her writing the words down on her questionnaire. Perhaps there was a space for that, too.
“I’m forgetting homework,” he said. “I’m getting into fights with people who never bothered me before. I’m losing things like my house key. That got me grounded for two days.”
“Please. No details unless I ask for them. So how long has this been going on?”
“A couple of weeks.”
He could hear her write something down. “Okay. So, here’s what will—”
“There’s more,” he said.
“What more?”
“My mother.”
“What about your mother?”
Eric hesitated for a moment, then said, “My dad says she went on a trip. But I don’t believe him.”
“Then where is she?”
“I don’t know.”
“She’s missing.” It was a statement of fact, not a question.
“She could be, I guess. I just don’t know.”
More writing.
“Am I going crazy?” he asked.
“Well, as a professional, I can guarantee you that you’re not going crazy.”
“Then how do I make everything normal again?”
“The first thing I want you to do is calm down and stop worrying. By this time tomorrow, we’ll be there to help.”
“Wait, you’re coming here?” He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He didn’t know who these people were.
“How are we supposed to help you if we’re not there?”
“I don’t have any money. I can’t afford to pay you.”
“Who said anything about money?” Fiona asked. “Did I mention it? I’m sure I didn’t. That ad you got, somewhere on there it must say our services are free.”
He glanced at the ad. It was right near the bottom
In fact, you won’t pay a cent for anything.
EVER.
“Oh,” he said. “Right. I forgot.”
“All right, then. Just hang tight and we’ll get this straightened out in no time.”
“You…really can fix things?”
“I promise,” the girl said.
CONTACT REPORT
Case #3114
Client: Eric Morrison, Case #3114
Point of Contact Representative: Fiona
Report Written by: Keira (with considerable help from Fiona). [
A. Per standard procedure, the client — Eric — was questioned using the New Client Profile worksheet.
B. Personal information
Age—13 (turns 14 on November 21st)
Hair — Brown, client describes style as a bit wavy, not long
Height — Last measurement one month earlier, client says he thinks he was 5 feet 4 inches at the time
Weight—110 pounds
Eyes — blue/gray (says they change depending on what he is wearing; need independent confirmation), no glasses
