from her hands.
Despite sleeping the day away, we were both pretty tired when we got back to the room. This time, as we lay down to sleep, Isabel went back to her own bed.
I woke before the sun came up, took a shower, then got dressed and packed my bags. All the while, Isabel continued to sleep. I had to wake her soon, but first I pulled out all the cash I could spare-over nine thousand pesos-and put it in Isabel’s purse. As I was closing her bag, I realized it was almost the same amount Mariella had supposedly paid to have Larry killed. I hoped that this money would go to better use.
I woke her and told her it was almost time for me to leave. She got dressed quickly, and soon we exited our room and made our way to the front of the hotel. I signaled for one of the trikes that were waiting nearby. As it drove up, I turned to Isabel.
“Be careful,” I said.
“I always am,” she said.
There was more I would have liked to say, but I knew my ideas and suggestions would not be heard. Despite the fact that I had spent the last forty-eight hours reminding her of the person she used to be, that wasn’t who she was anymore.
“Papa?” she said. “I’ve been trying to forget him for so long.”
“I know,” I said.
She hesitated. “I’m glad you found me.”
“Even though I forced you not to forget?”
“I know I can never forget.”
Even though I’d found the answers I’d come searching for, I realized I would not be able to forget, either. The most I could hope for was honoring Larry’s memory to the best of my abilities. Starting with Isabel.
“What about school?”
“School?” She looked at me, confused.
“You mentioned becoming a nurse last night.”
She nodded, her smile slipping. “Maybe it’s too late.”
“Isabel,” I said. “It’s not.” Then I decided to play the only card I thought might push her into motion. “Larry would have liked that.”
She didn’t say anything for almost a minute. “Maybe I’ll think about it,” she finally said.
“There’s so much more out there for you than this.”
She scanned the tropical trees that surrounded the front of the hotel. The air was fresh and warm, and the sky was bluer than blue.
“Is there?” she said.
I didn’t say anything. That was a question only she could answer. After a moment, I pulled out one of my business cards and gave it to her. “If you ever need to talk, call me. I mean it.”
We dropped back into silence, and it was then that I knew we were done. It was time for me to go home, to truly start my new life. My Bangkok life.
Natt deserved that much. No, she deserved more, so much more. And I knew for the first time since I had met her at the language school where she had worked that I could give it all to her. My whole self. Everything.
The Philippines, Angeles, the girls, the guys, the life-all of it would still be part of me. But not like it had been. I thought I was done with everything when I’d moved away, but my restless, often sleepless nights had said otherwise. Now it was really over.
I turned toward Isabel, smiling as best I could, then opened my arms to say goodbye.
