attendant, Nate and Quinn had the plane to themselves.
As soon as they were in the air, Quinn announced that he was going to get some sleep.
Nate knew this was more than just information; it was a suggestion that he do the same. With seats that reclined to a fully horizontal position, and the eyeshades and earplugs that had been on the seat cushions when they came aboard, sleep should have been easy.
Nate removed the prosthetic that served as his lower right leg, tilted his own seat back, and tried to get comfortable. But an ache in his missing ankle kept sleep from finding him. Phantom memories, the physical therapist had explained. “You’ll have them the rest of your life.”
Like he often did, he began to wonder why he could remember his leg, but couldn’t remember the moment it had been crushed. It had happened in Singapore outside a hawker center. Arriving at the center with Quinn and Orlando — yes, he remembered that. Racing into position to back up his boss, that too. But the moment the car had intentionally rammed into him? Nothing.
When he woke up a day later in a private hospital, his right leg had already been amputated below the knee. Doctors and nurses had come in and out in no apparent pattern, some looking at his stump, some checking his charts, but few talking to him. The ones who did told him he would be fine. That artificial limbs had come a long way from the plastic and metal boat anchors they’d once been.
At the time Nate had barely listened. Part of it was the shock, but mostly it was the almost-certain knowledge that his career as a cleaner was over. What awaited him was a return to normal life, to a life devoid of the challenges and the excitement and the sense of truly being alive that he’d had as Quinn’s apprentice. When he realized this, he almost wished the car had killed him, because he knew the boredom he was facing surely would.
But then, two nights after the accident, Orlando came to see him. It was her second visit of the day. Earlier she’d come with Quinn, who’d hardly been able to say anything.
As soon as Orlando walked back in, Nate looked to the door expecting Quinn to follow.
“I’m alone,” she said as she approached his bed. “I wanted to say goodbye.”
Nate nodded, the look on his face neutral. “Okay.”
On the table that hovered above his waist was his untouched dinner. He picked up the fork and pushed some of the rice around.
“I need to get back to Garrett,” she said. Her son was still living in Vietnam at that point.
“Sure, I get it.” He squeezed his eyes closed as pain spiked up his leg into his torso.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“I could get the nurse. Get you some painkillers.”
“I’m fine!” His voice leaped from his throat, harsh and loud.
Neither of them said anything for several seconds.
“Sorry,” Nate said. “I just … I …”
“You should eat,” she said.
“I’m not hungry.”
“What are you talking about? This looks great.”
“You can eat it, then.”
She picked up the spoon from the tray and scooped up some vegetables, a piece of chicken, and some rice, then held them in the air. “You sure?”
“Be my guest.”
She slipped the food into her mouth, then smiled. “This isn’t bad.” She sat on the edge of his bed.
“I thought you were leaving?” he said.
“In a few minutes.”
He shrugged.
She filled up the spoon again, but this time held it out to him.
“I’m not hungry,” he told her.
“Just try it.”
“No.”
She moved the spoon to his lips. “Come on.”
“I said I’m not hu—”
She slipped the spoon into his mouth.
Having no choice, he started chewing the food. “I wouldn’t even let my mother do that.”
She filled the spoon again and held it back up.
“I can feed myself,” he said.
“Yeah, but will you?”
He scowled at her for a moment, then picked up the fork and stabbed a piece of chicken.
Smiling, Orlando redirected the spoon into her own mouth. “Could use a little spice. But this is a hospital, so I guess bland makes sense.”
They both chewed in silence for a moment.
Finally Nate said, “Where’s Quinn?”
“Back at the hotel.”
“He’s trying to arrange appointments for you back in California,” Orlando said, like she was reading his mind.
“Appointments?”
She helped herself to another spoonful. “Doctors. Physical therapy. Prosthesis fittings.”
“Oh. Great,” Nate said with no enthusiasm.
“Are you going to take another forkful, or am I going to have to feed you again?”
Reluctantly, he got some more food and put it in his mouth.
Orlando watched him eat for a moment. “Look. You can just take this, go home, and live out your life thinking what could have been, or—”
“You’re still in shock. Your system is full of drugs.” She paused. “You lost your leg, for God’s sake. Of course that’s all you can see.” She worked a piece of broccoli away from everything else, then picked it up and popped it between her teeth. “But it’s not the only choice.”
“What then? I’m done being a cleaner.”
“Why? Because you don’t want it anymore?”
“No! I want it. I want it more than anything.”
“So what’s the problem?” she asked.
“I lost part of my leg. Or hadn’t you noticed?” he said. “Being a cleaner is a physical job. How the hell am I going to be able to keep up?”
“You’re good, Nate. You have the skills. You know that. Quinn knows that, too.”
“Quinn thinks I’m done. I could see it in his face when you guys were here earlier. He could barely look at me. He was like one of those people in the movies standing around the bed of someone dying. Great knowing you, good luck on the other side.”
“You’re right,” she said. “He does think you’re done. But he’s not feeling sorry for you.”
“What then? He’s already written me off?”
“Guilt,” she said. “He’s the one who had to make the decision to amputate your leg. And don’t forget, he’s the reason we’re here in Singapore in the first place. This wasn’t a job. This was a personal mission for him. And now he feels responsible.”
Nate looked away. “Well, you can tell him I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t have been here if I hadn’t wanted to be. That should get rid of his guilt.”
