had no idea how
Lucy had been right to want children and he had been wrong to prevent her. Jonas could see that now. But he knew she would forgive him; he had been a different person then. Now he felt complete. He had never felt so
Jonas reached the water’s edge and the flat waves cooled his bare feet. The wet sand shifted slightly under his toes as the outgoing tide tried to suck the beach back into the ocean. He couldn’t help smiling, and excited butterflies filled his stomach.
He finished his ice cream, then leaned down to rinse his hands in the sea, before straightening up and squinting into the blue. Steep Holm island seemed very close, although it was miles away – high in the water and brilliant green in the sunshine. He’d never been there, but he’d heard it was covered in wild peonies. He’d like to see that some time. On the horizon was the hazy grey stripe of Wales.
Jonas stretched like a dog in the sun, and felt calm settle warmly into his bones.
Everything was going to be fine. Elizabeth Rice was smart; she would discover that the blood on the handle of the knife was not Lucy’s.
Jonas hoped that Steven would learn of it somehow, and know that he had told him the truth about that.
There were other truths about himself that were more disturbing, and Bob Coffin on the winch had finally convinced him of those too.
Jonas took off his uniform, folding each item and leaving them in a neat pile. He looked around before removing his trousers, but there was nobody close by. They slipped off easily because of the missing button that he’d never got around to sewing back on.
A button was like a wife. They both held things together. He’d lost a button and he’d lost a wife. But at least he knew where to find one of them.
Wearing only his shorts, Jonas walked into the cold water until it covered his scars, and then he started to swim.
It was years since he’d swum in the ocean. It was easier than he’d remembered; the salt was his friend. He headed for Steep Holm, even though he wasn’t planning to swim there. It gave him something to point at. He didn’t want to go round in embarrassing circles like a broken motor-boat.
The further he went, the happier he got. He swam freestyle, breathing under his right arm, the way they’d been taught at school. Sometimes it worked and sometimes he got a noseful of brine. But he felt strong, and he felt clean and he felt
Finally Jonas tired.
His arms barely cleared the surface, and his lungs seemed to have shrunk. His legs were far heavier than when he’d first launched himself into the waves. He trod water for a moment, then paddled himself around to look back at the beach.
He was surprised by how far he’d come. Weston-super-Mare was draped across his horizon like a toy village. As the sea swelled under him, he could pinpoint the Winter Gardens, and the new white pier glinting in the sunshine, but nothing else was recognizable from this distance. The broad beach was no more than a narrow brown line.
He wondered whether anyone had stolen his shoes yet, and remembered he’d only put an hour’s parking ticket on the Land Rover.
He laughed. A short sound, which was all his burning lungs could spare him. He was too far out, and his arms were too tired and his legs were too heavy. But he didn’t feel frightened and he didn’t feel alone.
Jonas turned his back on the beach and kept swimming. He concentrated on lifting his weary arms and kicking his leaden legs and turning his mouth to suck in the sunshine.
Every weakening stroke pumped more joy into his heart.
He couldn’t wait to tell Lucy all that he had learned.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I could not have written this book without the kind help of hunt staff and members on Exmoor, who were so generous with their time and knowledge.
Many thanks to the editorial, design and marketing teams at Transworld for their insight, creativity and attention to detail. I’m particularly grateful for the support of Sarah Adams and Ben Willis.
About the Author
Belinda Bauer grew up in England and South Africa. She has worked as a journalist and screenwriter and her script
Blacklands
Darkside
For more information on Belinda Bauer and her books, see her website at www.belindabauer.co.uk
