Agatha Raisin Kissing Christmas Goodbye

brandished it. 'Git!'

So Agatha and Toni retreated. Agatha decided to ask Phil Marshall to call on them. He might fare better.

The hotel that Agatha found for them early that evening struck Toni as being more like a manor house than the Tamworthy one. It was very expensive and she tried not to feel intimidated.

When they had checked in, Agatha said, 'I'll drive you to the pub and call back for you in an hour. Then we'll have dinner. I've had nothing but a sandwich all day.'

Toni felt that her luck had run out. The pub was busy and this time there was a woman behind the bar with Paul. She was gypsy-looking with ratty dead-black hair, a thin mouth, glistening black eyes and a formidable bosom.

'Here you are,' Paul greeted her. 'What are you having?'

'Tonic water.'

'Have some gin in it.'

'Maybe later.'

'Paul! We've got other customers waiting,' shouted the barmaid.

Paul winked at Toni. 'That's Elsie, jealous as sin.'

'Your wife?'

'No, but she'd like to be.'

'Paul!'

'Come back at midnight,' whispered Paul. 'Meet me outside. I can tell you a lot.'

'Right you are,' said Toni. She drank her tonic, retreated outside the pub and phoned Agatha.

When Agatha arrived, Toni told her about the proposed meeting.

'Does he know you don't have a car?'

'Don't think so,' said Toni.

'We'll go back to the hotel for dinner and then I'll come back with you at midnight and drop you near the pub.'

Toni was glad of Agatha's robust presence in the hotel dining room. The waiter was supercilious until Agatha told him to take that look off his frost-bitten face and give them some decent service. She said this in a very loud voice. He was replaced by a servile waitress.

'They do try to give themselves airs,' said Agatha. 'It's all the fault of the English. They don't think a place is classy unless they're being humiliated. Mind you, this pepper steak is excellent. I wonder if they do catering. I planned to cook my Christmas dinner myself but perhaps it might be safer to let someone else do it.'

'Do you have a traditional Christmas?' asked Toni wistfully.

'Not yet. But I'm going to have one this time. I want a real Dickensian one with turkey and holly and, oh, you know--' Agatha waved her arms -

'the whole thing.'

'We never had a proper Christmas,' said Toni. 'Well, you can help me with mine. I'm hoping my ex will be back from his travels in time for it'

'Your ex?'

'James Lacey. He's a travel writer.'

'So it was an amicable divorce?'

'Yes, we're friends now. But I really think he's never got over me.'

'Have you got over him?' asked Toni. 'Eat your steak.'

Later that evening, Agatha drove Toni near the village pub but where her car could not be seen. Before Toni got out of the car, Agatha handed her a can of pepper spray. 'Just in case he tries anything funny. Keep it in your hand.'

Toni got out and walked towards the pub. It was a bright moonlit night. Paul was standing beside a four- wheel drive.

'Get in,' he said. 'We'll go somewhere where we can talk.'

Agatha, who had followed behind on foot, saw Toni getting into the car and ran back to her own.

Paul drove off slowly and quietly and then, once clear of the pub, he accelerated, racing down country lanes until he finally swung off on a farm track and parked in a field.

He switched off the engine and turned towards Toni, putting his arm along the back of the passenger seat.

'What I want to ask you--' began Toni bravely.

'Forget that. Come here. Let's have a bit of fun.'

'No,' said Toni.

To her horror, he put his hands round her neck and began to squeeze. 'You just be a good little girl and be nice to Paul.'

Toni felt she was losing consciousness. With a great effort, she raised the can of pepper spray, thrust it up between them and sprayed it full into his face.

He let out a roar like a wounded bull. Toni pulled open the door and collapsed out on to the grass. Howling and cursing, he stumbled out as well.

'I'll kill you, you little bitch,' he raged.

And then there came the roar of a car engine. Agatha had desperately followed, glad of the moonlit night because she had been following without lights on, hoping that the sound of Paul's engine would drown the sound of her own. As soon as she heard his engine stop, she had stopped too.

When she heard him shouting, she accelerated towards the sound of the voice. She saw Toni stumbling to her feet and Paul weaving about, his hands to his eyes.

'Stop!' yelled Agatha. 'I have a gun.'

Through his bleary painful eyes, Paul saw Agatha Raisin holding a gun pointed at him.

'Get up against the car!' roared Agatha.

'It was a joke, that's all,' he said.

'Put your hands behind your back.'

Muttering curses, Paul did as he was told. Agatha clipped a pair of handcuffs on him. Then she took a belt from her dress and bound his ankles.

'Are you all right, Toni?' she asked.

'He tried to strangle me,' croaked Toni. 'I can hardly breathe.'

'Sit down on the grass. I'll call the police.'

It was to be a long night. Toni made a brief statement and was taken off to hospital for observation. Agatha was taken to police headquarters and grilled. She had removed the handcuffs when she heard the police siren in the distance. She did not know whether it was legal for a member of the public to use them or not, even though the sex shops sold them. She had hurled the pepper spray into the bushes, and had placed a half-empty carton of black pepper on the passenger seat. Pepper spray is illegal, and she always kept the half-empty carton of pepper with her in case she ever had to lie about the use of a spray. She had briefed Toni before the girl was taken off to hospital to say that she had used a carton of pepper.

The hard-faced detective, Collins, was conducting the interview. 'How did you get a powerful man like Paul Chambers to stand there with only a dress sash about his ankles while you phoned us?'

'He thought I had a gun.'

'And did you?'

Agatha opened her handbag and produced a water pistol. 'Just this. He couldn't see very well with the pepper in his eyes.'

'Why was your assistant conveniently carrying a carton of black pepper in her handbag?'

'We were eating pepper steak earlier at the hotel. Toni opened her handbag and showed me the carton. She said that, funnily enough, she meant to try to cook pepper steak for herself.'

'I think you are lying,' said Collins.