'I couldn't do that!'
'Well, I could,' said Agatha truculently. 'Where's the phone book? The House isn't sitting at the moment, so he should be at home.'
Agatha was full of surprises, thought Toni as she listened to Agatha Raisin in full bullying mode berating the Member of Parliament.
When she at last put down the phone, she grinned and said, 'Good. That's settled. He's getting on to the hospital right away. I'll phone you next week and make sure someone is doing something about it. You must remember that she who screams the loudest gets the best service.'
As Pearl stammered out her thanks, they headed out of the house and round to the weedy overgrown garden at the back.
'Just look at that!' said Agatha in disgust, pointing to the privy at the end of the garden. 'It's practically fallen down. The council will stop anyone from getting rid of the dreadful thing and yet they won't do anything to keep it repaired.'
They stumbled through weeds and tussocks of grass. The wooden door of the privy was hanging on its hinges. Agatha jerked it open and then jumped back as the rusty hinges snapped and the door fell into the garden.
'It was about to fall off anyway,' she said. They peered inside. The toilet itself had been removed. Nothing but an earthen floor and a few rusting garden implements showing it had once been used as a garden shed.
'So, now, Miss Bright Ideas,' said Agatha, 'do we dig up the floor?'
'What else?' said Toni cheerfully. 'There's a spade over there that looks as if it might still stand the strain.'
'I think you're wasting your time. I saw a garden seat among the weeds. I'm going there for a smoke. It's all yours.'
Toni started to dig and then stopped as she heard a scream from the garden.
She ran out. Agatha had sat down on a rotting wooden garden chair which had collapsed under her, tumbling her on to the grass.
Toni helped her up, trying not to laugh.
'Snakes and bastards,' howled Agatha. 'The grass is wet. Oh, get on with it, Toni, and I'll sit on the back step at the kitchen door.'
Toni went back to digging. The earth was hardpacked. Once she got through the surface layer, the going became easier. She persevered, sweat running down her face. She stopped for a moment and looked out the door. Agatha was sitting, blowing smoke up into the grey sky, a dreamy look on her face.
Probably dreaming of a white Christmas, thought Toni and went back to work. But as her arms began to ache, she felt foolish. What a stupid, wild idea. She went out and called to Agatha that she was going to fill the hole in again. As she turned round, a shaft of sunlight cut through the clouds and shone straight into the hole in the privy. There was a small knob of something yellowish-white showing through the earth at the bottom of the hole. Heart beating hard, Toni lay down on the floor and began to scrape the earth away with her fingers. The top of what looked like a skull was gradually exposed.
Toni got slowly to her feet. Her knees were trembling.
'Agatha!' she called. 'I've found something.'
Agatha and Toni met up several hours later in the reception area of Stoke police station. 'Are you psychic or something?' grumbled Agatha. 'Got gypsy blood? How did you guess Phyllis might have killed Susan?'
'It seemed logical,' said Toni. 'I mean, who else would have wanted to get rid of her?'
'Oh, well, I suppose we'd better find somewhere to stay the night,' said Agatha, stifling a yawn.
'The detectives who interviewed me said we could go back home,' said Toni. 'Just so long as we report to Mircester tomorrow. I don't mind driving.'
'All right. I want to see if my cats are all right.' As Toni drove steadily down the motorways, Agatha kept glancing over at her. This is how Samson must have felt when his hair was cut, she thought. Toni's a terrific asset but she does make me feel old and dithering. And I am not old! Today's fifties are yesterday's forties, or so they say.
She wanted to assert herself by taking over the driving, but her eyelids began to droop and soon she was fast asleep.
'Wake up. You're home!' Toni's voice roused her up from the depths. Agatha rubbed her eyes.
'Can't be. I can't have been asleep all that time.'
'You obviously needed it,' said Toni cheerfully. 'If you call me a taxi, I'll get home myself.'
Agatha was about to suggest that Toni stayed the night at her place but then realized the girl would probably like to get to her own place for a change of clothes in the morning.
'Come inside,' she said, 'and I'll phone for a cab.'
Agatha's cats came purring up to meet her. She looked at her watch. Three in the morning! Her stomach rumbled. She wondered whether she should offer Toni any food but was suddenly desperate to get rid of her. Agatha telephoned for a taxi, told Toni it would take twenty minutes, and went upstairs to the bathroom.
She paused on the landing. The faint sounds of snoring were coming from the spare bedroom. She looked in through the open door. Charles was sprawled on his back, fast asleep.
Agatha, reluctant to go downstairs and join Toni, undressed, took a quick shower, put on a nightdress, slippers and a kimono, and then went back down to the kitchen.
Toni was fast asleep, her head on the kitchen table. Agatha made herself a cup of black coffee and lit a cigarette. The sign on the packet said, 'You may injure others with passive smoking'
'Screw you,' muttered Agatha, but she went and opened the kitchen door.
The trouble is, she thought, I've always been a sort of one-woman band. I've always believed I was a clever detective, but I think I've simply been lucky and now I've got someone luckier than me. Then she smiled. Finding a skeleton in a toilet would not be many people's idea of luck. But why had Toni leaped so quickly to the idea that Phyllis might have murdered Susan? I hope my mind isn't ageing, thought Agatha. Good, there's the taxi.
She shook Toni awake and the girl stumbled out sleepily to the cab. 'Don't come in until noon,' said Agatha, 'and then we'll go to the police station together.'
Agatha retreated to the kitchen, took a packaged curry out of the fridge and popped it into the microwave. She stared as it went round and round until it pinged. She ate it out of the container, then shooed the cats back in from the garden, shut the door and crawled off to bed. Oh, for a good night's sleep!
She was awakened, it seemed to her, ten minutes later by Charles shaking her. 'The police are downstairs.'
Agatha groaned. 'What's the time?'
'Nine o'clock. What have you been up to now?'
'Let me get dressed. What police?'
'Bill Wong and Detective Inspector Wilkes'
'Buzz off and give them coffee or something.' Agatha dressed hurriedly and headed for the stairs. Then she realized she had forgotten to put make-up on. She scurried back to the bathroom and made her face up in front of a magnifying mirror. 'Toni doesn't need make-up,' she muttered. 'Blast Toni.'
Wilkes looked at Agatha sternly as she entered the kitchen. He had a sheaf of faxes in front of him on the kitchen table. 'I'm very tired,' complained Agatha. 'Toni and I were interviewed for hours up at Stoke.'
'But I am interested in the murder of Phyllis Tamworthy,' said Wilkes sternly. 'Detective Sergeant Wong, you are on duty here, so take that cat off your neck.'
Bill sheepishly removed Hodge from his shoulders and Boswell from his lap. Agatha felt a little stab of pleasure that they had come to her first and not to Toni, quickly banished when Wilkes said, 'We have already interviewed Miss Gilmour. She claims that she was suddenly struck with the idea that Phyllis Tamworthy might be a murderess and might have murdered Susan Mason.'
'It did seem an odd flight of fancy at the time,' said Agatha. 'Charles, please get me a cup of coffee.'
'But Miss Gilmour told me the idea came to her after the evidence you had collected.'
'What evidence?' asked Agatha.
