Agatha Raisin and the Busy Body

Toni took her mobile out again. 'I'm phoning the police.'

'You're what?' Simon made a grab for her phone, but Toni darted away from him and into the trees. She had felt a sudden frisson of fear. It was almost as if her old friend Sharon were around, telling her not to be such a fool. Toni still had Bill Wong's mobile phone number registered on her phone from the days when they used to date. She called it. 'Bill, I'm at Thirley Grange. I think they're here. I'm--'

A low voice in her ear said, 'If you wants to see your boyfriend again, missy, drop that phone.'

Toni swung round. Fred Summer stood there holding a hunting knife. 'Drop it!' he snarled. Toni dropped the phone and Fred ground it underfoot. 'Now, march!'

Toni was urged forward, feeling the point of that knife at her back. Simon was where she had left him, but he was lying facedown on the ground and Charlie Beagle was standing over him, holding a shotgun.

'On yer feet,' said Charlie. 'Both of you into the house.'

Bill Wong called for urgent reinforcements. Then he called Agatha. 'What were you doing sending that young pair into danger? They've been caught. Don't go any further if you're on your way there. Two people are enough to rescue.'

'What was that about?' asked Charles, who was driving. Agatha told him. Charles pressed harder on the accelerator and the car leapt forward. 'We'll go in by the main gate,' he said. 'We could waste valuable time looking for that side road.'

A man came hurrying out of the lodge house and held up a hand. Charles lowered the window and shouted to him that escaped murderers were hiding up at the Grange. The lodge keeper dashed to open the gates. 'Have you any guns?' called Charles.

'Couple of shotguns and a rifle.'

'Bring them quick and get in the car.'

Agatha fretted with impatience. Was Toni alive? How could she ever forgive herself if something had happened to the girl?

Toni and Simon were forced down into a cellar. They heard the door above being locked and then they were alone. A faint light shone from a cobwebbed window up near the ceiling.

'They're going to kill us,' said Toni. 'They're up there right now figuring out how to dispose of us.'

'What happened? Did Fred hear you calling the police?'

'Yes.'

'Then with any luck they're going to make their escape and leave us locked up here. I wish we could find some way out. They are murderers, after all.'

'Turn your back,' said Toni, feeling her way off into a dark corner.

'Why?'

'I've got to pee. I nearly peed myself out there.'

When she rejoined him, she said, 'That's coal over there, isn't it?'

'Yes. What are you planning? To throw lumps at them when they come back?'

'Coal means a coal hole, see? That's how the coal got down here. It's not a wine cellar. It's where they kept the coal.'

'Right,' said Simon eagerly. 'It must be up there somewhere.'

Charles drove up to the front door. The lodge keeper, who had introduced himself as Matt Fox, jumped out and unlocked the front door.

'Wait!' shouted Agatha. 'I can hear a car.'

'It's coming from the back,' said Charles. Matt jumped back in the car and Charles drove round to the back of the building.

'That's Dan Palmer's car,' shouted Agatha. 'They're not taking the side road. They're circling round to go down the main drive.' Matt was hurriedly loading a rifle in the backseat. They sped after them at a frantic pace. Matt lowered the window, leaned out and took careful aim. He shot out one back tyre and then the other. Then just as the Volvo reached the lodge gates, Matt shot out its back window with one of the shotguns.

The Volvo screeched and swayed across the road, straight into the path of a huge articulated lorry. There was a sickening crump--and then silence.

'Agatha, go and see if that lorry driver is all right. Matt, give me a shotgun. Is it loaded?'

'Yes.'

Charles shot in the window of his own car. 'Self-defence, see?' he said.

Agatha was helping the lorry driver out of his cab as two police cars came racing up. Bill came out of the first one. 'I've got to get back to the Grange,' Agatha howled. 'They've taken Toni and Simon.'

'Just wait there. We'll handle it.'

Police were taping off the road. A van full of scenes of crimes operatives stopped, climbed out and began to put on their white suits and masks. Inspector Wilkes arrived. 'Now, what happened?' he asked grimly.

'Are they dead?' asked Agatha.

Wilkes looked at the crumpled wreck of the Volvo. 'Yes. Now, begin at the beginning. You first, Mrs. Raisin.'

Agatha was about to speak when a car drove out past the lodge and stopped. Toni and Simon, black with coal dust, got out and stood staring at the scene of carnage.

Agatha Raisin ran straight to Toni and flung her arms around her. 'Oh, I'm so glad you're alive.'

It was a long day. Statements, statements and more statements. Then Agatha, Charles, Simon and Toni, along with the lodge keeper, were taken back to police headquarters for further grilling.

They learned that the Grange had been searched and there was no sign of either Mrs. Summer or Mrs. Beagle. Matt backed the story of self-defence and Agatha insisted it got down in her statement that the lodge keeper was a hero.

By early evening, Wilkes went out to face the press and make a brief statement.

At last Agatha and the rest were told they were free to go home.

In the weeks that followed, it transpired that Charlie and Fred had sold their cottages to a builder two months before their deaths. Their bank accounts had been cleared out a week before their flight. Fred's fingerprints had been found on the knife that Agatha had found at the vicarage along with DNA evidence that the blood on the knife belonged to the late, unlamented John Sunday.

A massive search for the missing wives was put into operation, but they seemed to have disappeared into thin air.

'How can two such frail, elderly ladies escape the police just like that?' Agatha exclaimed one evening to her friend, Mrs. Bloxby.

'Perhaps easier than you think,' said Mrs. Bloxby. 'No one notices the elderly. Buses run along that road going to Cheltenham.'

'But surely the police have queried all the bus drivers?'

'I'm sure one elderly lady looks much like another to these men. Did they have passports?'

'Yes, fairly new ones, too. And it's not as if they would know anyone who could get them fake ones.'

'Perhaps I might be able to do it,' said Mrs. Bloxby dreamily. 'I'd head for some seaside resort where there are a lot of elderly people and set about stealing a few from handbags. It wouldn't be handbag snatching. Maybe a seat in a shelter looking at the sea. Friendly talk. Visit to the public toilets. More talk while hands are washed. Handbags are often left at the basin while women go to dry their hands. Quick dip and out comes a passport. Now, if you're an elderly lady and you have still got your money and keys, you might not notice your passport is missing for some time. Even if you go to the police, to them you're just another forgetful old woman.'

'Really, Mrs. Bloxby. You would make a very good criminal. Toni and Simon have searched and searched.'

'They make a nice pair. Do you think they'll get engaged?' asked Mrs. Bloxby.

Agatha stiffened. 'They're too young! They're just colleagues.'