Agatha Raisin and the Busy Body

Agatha brightened up. Although she was occasionally jealous of young Toni's good looks and successful detecting, she was fond of the girl.

Toni duly arrived, her face glowing with health. She was a slim girl in her late teens with natural blond hair, good skin and a perfect figure. 'It's getting slushy really fast,' said Toni cheerfully. 'Phil has gone round to Sunday's office to see if he can find out if anyone there hated him enough to kill him. So what exactly happened?'

Agatha told her about the protest meeting and about the horror of seeing the dying Sunday at the window. 'Only Miss Simms and Miriam Courtney left the room. I was so bored my mind kept drifting. I wasn't paying much attention. Do you want a coffee or something or shall we go?'

'Let's go,' said Toni. 'I'll have a coffee later. Does the village have a pub?'

'I didn't notice one. Why?'

'Could be a good source of gossip.'

Odley Cruesis glittered under a yellow sun. The air was full of the sound of running water. Agatha parked by the village green. Wearing Wellington boots this time, she stumbled through the slush and stopped a villager to ask directions to the pub.

'Can't rightly be doing that, m'dear,' said a gnarled old man.

'And why is that?'

'Pub closed down last year.'

'There you are!' exclaimed Agatha, as she and Toni looked around. 'Another centre of village life gone and all because of that ridiculous smoking ban.'

'But the papers say it's because of all the cheap booze in supermarkets,' protested Toni.

'The newspapers are so politically correct, they make me sick,' said Agatha. 'The minute the smoking ban came in, pubs started closing down all over the place. Move on. There's that horrible Collins woman glaring at us.'

The detective was standing on the steps of the mobile police unit, staring at them.

'Move on where?' asked Toni.

'There's the village shop. I want to speak to someone called Carrie Brother.'

The little shop was a dark, depressing place. The woman behind the counter told Agatha that Mrs. Brother lived at number nine, a cottage just to their left. 'Her don't hold with giving names to liddle cottages,' said the woman.

Number nine was a two-storied Queen Anne building with a lintel over the door. Agatha rang the bell and cringed at the sound of a volley of barking. 'I thought the wretched woman had only one dog,' muttered Agatha. The barking stopped abruptly as a heavyset woman answered the door, clutching a small Yorkshire terrier.

'You're that detective who's investigating for Miriam,' said Carrie. 'Come in.'

'How did you hear?' asked Agatha as Carrie ushered them into a pleasant room on the ground floor.

'News travels fast here. Now, what can I do for you?'

'It's about John Sunday.'

Carrie grinned.

'It's fair cop. I did it.'

Chapter Three

Agatha eyed her warily. Carrie was a big strong woman, possibly in her late forties. Everything about her was big, from her large head topped with a thick mane of brown curly hair to her large hands and feet.

'I've left something in the car,' said Toni, and ran out of the house.

Good, thought Agatha, she's gone for the police.

'How did you do it?' asked Agatha in what she hoped was a gentle, coaxing voice.

'Sit down!' said Carrie.

'Where are the other dogs?' asked Agatha nervously.

'Here,' said Carrie. She pressed a button on a machine on a small table next to her and the air was suddenly full of barking. She switched it off.

'Great stuff. Good burglar repellent. You want to know how I did it? Telekinesis.'

Agatha blinked. 'Tele-what?'

'I have a powerful mind. I hated that little toad. I saw him skulking around the village last night. I put my hands to my forehead, so. I transferred my thoughts to the big kitchen knife in the kitchen and caused it to rise up. I opened the front door and sent it towards the vicarage . . .'

The door crashed open and Toni, followed by Bill Wong, Collins and two policemen, rushed into the room.

'Leave this to us,' said Collins, glaring at Agatha.

'I'm staying right here,' said Agatha mutinously. 'What were you saying, Mrs. Brother?'

'Miss, please.' Carrie began her tale of telekinesis again. When she had finished, she burst out laughing. 'You should just see your faces,' she chortled. 'Gotcha!'

Collins said in a thin voice to one of the policemen, 'Take Mizz Brother over to the police unit and charge her with wasting police time.'

'Here, wait a bit. Can't you take a joke?' protested Carrie as she was led off, still clutching her Yorkshire terrier to her massive bosom.

Collins then rounded on Agatha. 'Just mind your own business in future or I'll book you as well,' she said. 'Come along, Wong.'

Agatha and Toni followed them out. Collins had just reached the doorstep, slippery with slush, when Agatha switched on the dog-barking recorder. Collins jumped nervously and slipped and sat down in a puddle of slush on the doorstep. Agatha switched off the machine and stepped neatly round Collins, followed by Toni.

'I really don't know where that noise came from,' she said sweetly. 'Bye.'

They hurried off to the car. 'I wish I could have a word with Bill in private,' said Agatha.

'What now?' asked Toni.

'We'll drive along to the manor and see Miriam. How's your friend Sharon been getting on?'

'All right,' said Toni.

Agatha turned the car into the drive of the manor house. She switched off the engine and slewed round to look at Toni. 'When I asked you about Sharon, that 'all right' sounded a bit muted. What's going on?'

Toni sighed. 'It's just that she's quarrelled with her parents and moved in with me. I've only got that small flat, as you know, and, well, it's all a bit claustrophobic. She's messy and I like things neat. She dyes her hair a lot, different colours, and there are streaks of dye on the hand basin and in the bath. I've started snapping and complaining a lot. I don't want to lose her friendship, but things are very strained.'

'I pay her a good salary. She could afford a place of her own.'

'I didn't like to suggest it. She'll think I'm throwing her out.'

'I'll speak to her.'

'Don't do that! She'll be hurt if she thinks I've been complaining about her.'

'I'm the soul of tact,' said Agatha. 'I'll call on the pair of you this evening.'

Toni groaned inwardly. Agatha's idea of tact was anyone else's idea of direct rudeness.

The door of the manor opened and Miriam stood on the step. 'Are you coming in?' she called.

'Bet she did it,' muttered Agatha as they got out of the car.

Toni looked around the main hall in awe. 'This is magnificent,' she said.

Miriam beamed. 'What a nice girl you are. I do like your daughter, Agatha.'

'Toni is not my daughter. She is a detective who works for me.'

'She's very young,' commented Miriam with a sly smile, 'but very attractive.'

Is this bitch hinting I'm a lesbian? thought Agatha furiously.

Aloud, she said, 'Is there somewhere less draughty and cold where we can talk?'

'Follow me,' said Miriam.