“Well. .” I could tell Abby was scrambling. She looked at Ryan. “Maybe she doesn’t have to go right now.”
Ryan shook his head. “She has to go,” he said. “It’s standard procedure in these cases. It won’t take long.”
I looked at Caitlin, met her eye. “They might find evidence.” “Evidence?” she asked. Her voice didn’t rise. She sounded truly puzzled. “Evidence? What evidence?” She turned and looked at all three of us. “I don’t understand what you all are talking about.”
Ryan stepped forward. “Like your dad said, we need to make sure you’re not hurt.”
“And then I can leave?”
I heard it.
“One step at a time,” Ryan said, and placed his hand on Caitlin’s arm.
She looked down at it as though it were a giant fly. But she didn’t resist. Abby stood up and took the coffee mug from her, and the four of us left for the hospital.
Chapter Twenty-two
Abby and I waited together in a small family area while they took Caitlin back for a series of tests. Ryan paused and told us what the tests would entail: a general physical and psychological exam, routine blood work, and, of course, tests for rape, pregnancy, the DNA of the perpetrator, as well as STDs.
After ten minutes of Abby and me not speaking to each other, and right when I was considering picking up a magazine to distract myself, Abby spoke.
“We should be back there with her,” she said. “She’s never even been to the gynecologist before. One of us should be back there.”
“You didn’t want to go back with her before, at the police station.”
“Don’t be bitter, Tom. This is hard for both of us.”
“Besides, we don’t know if she’s never been to a gynecologist, do we? We don’t know what she’s been doing.”
“I doubt she’s been to the gynecologist.” Abby shuddered a little. “What did she tell you before I got back there, Tom? What did she say?”
“She didn’t say anything really.” I looked around at the sterile walls, the cold tile. “She did ask for you.”
“She did? What did you tell her?”
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I covered for you. I told her you were with the police.”
“Did you tell her anything else about us? Our situation?”
I shook my head. “She cursed like a truck driver, though.”
“She did?”
“And she wouldn’t call me Dad.”
After a long pause, Abby said, “Tom? What are we going to tell Caitlin about us? They’re probably going to let us take her home today. My room at the church is small, but Chris wouldn’t mind if she stayed there with me.”
“No,” I said. “No and no.” I made a quick, cutting gesture with my right hand. “You left. I stayed in our home. That’s Caitlin’s home, too. That’s where her room is. She’s not going to live with Pastor Chris and his traveling sideshow.”
“What are we going to do then, Tom? Pretend?”
“You can tell her you left,” I said. “That’s fair. Hell, Abby, you didn’t even believe she was still alive. You let her go. You gave up. Why don’t you tell her that while you’re at it?”
For a long while, we were quiet. I heard voices in the hallway, the rumbling of something on wheels.
“If you want me to tell her the truth, I will.” Her voice was calm, almost detached. “I can accept responsibility for this.”
“Why didn’t you want to go back and see her earlier? Ryan practically held me back. He grabbed me and put me in a chair. That’s our daughter, and she came back to us after four years. Why wouldn’t you want to see her?”
“Why are you so focused on me and my reactions?”
“Because I’m trying to understand you. I’ve been trying to understand you for a few years now. The religion. The lack of hope for Caitlin’s return. Moving out. Now I want to understand this, but I’m not sure I can. I’m not sure you could say anything that would make sense.”
Abby brought her hands up to her face and covered her mouth with them. She looked like she was cold, like she needed to blow on her hands for warmth, but I knew she was thinking and choosing her words carefully. She lowered her hands and spoke. “I was afraid, Tom. I was afraid to see Caitlin. Right before you went back there, it went through my mind that she’s been gone for four years. She’s changed. And who knows what has happened to her. And I got scared just thinking of that.” She reached up and moved her hair out of her face. “I probably felt guilty, too, for thinking she wouldn’t come back. But the longer I sat out there, thinking about Caitlin being just a few rooms away, the harder it was for me not to go back there. I needed to see her. I guess it had been a long time since I really felt like a mother, and that instinct finally kicked back in for me.”
“Then you should go with that feeling,” I said. “It’s a good one.”
“She seems so cold, so cut off from us.”
“You should come home with us, Abby. The three of us, back in our house. The way it’s meant to be.”
Abby started shaking her head before I even finished the sentence. “Oh, Tom. .” She kept shaking her head. “She doesn’t need two unhappy parents.”
When Ryan returned two hours later, Abby and I both asked how she was doing before he could even sit down.
“They’re finishing up. She’s getting dressed,” Ryan said. He settled into a chair. “The physical exam shows no real problems. She has a bruise on her abdomen that could have come from a fist, but it’s not a serious injury. She wouldn’t say what caused it. No broken bones or evidence of past broken bones. Her teeth are in good shape, although it doesn’t look like she’s been to a dentist in a while. She’s a little on the thin side for a girl her age and height. But her vital signs are normal. The lab will process the blood work over the next few days. It’s possible she’s anemic, but other than that, I don’t think they’ll find anything. Bottom line-wherever she’s been and whatever she’s been doing, she’s been pretty well taken care of.”
“That’s a relief,” I said.
“What about. . the other things you tested for?” Abby asked.
“The doctor did a rape kit to check for any evidence that might be left behind after a sexual assault. We won’t know those test results right away, but based on the exam, she doesn’t think it will reveal anything. There’s no obvious evidence of sexual assault. No vaginal bruising or bleeding. No defensive wounds on her hands, no scrapes or scratches. Just the one bruise I mentioned. And the pregnancy test was negative.”
“Thank God,” I said.
“That doesn’t mean there wasn’t a sexual assault at some time in the past. It just means that there hasn’t been a recent one. Now, the exam did reveal something that I feel I must share with you. It could be difficult to hear, especially considering all you’ve already been through.” He paused. “The examination revealed that Caitlin’s hymen is no longer intact. That would most likely indicate some type of sexual activity. Again, we can’t say if it was consensual or not, but it’s a fact we’re all going to have to deal with.”
I started to feel sick. The room, which to that point seemed perfectly comfortable, started to feel hot and close. My clothes clung to my body as though they were shrinking.
“What did she say about it?” Abby asked.
“Nothing,” Ryan said. “The doctor didn’t press, considering the situation. In fact, Caitlin didn’t respond to any of their questions about her health. She acted like she couldn’t hear them. She’s been like that ever since we brought her in. She’s barely spoken. I was wondering if she said anything to either of you when you were with her.”
Abby shook her head. “Nothing of substance. Right, Tom?”
