She screamed until she fainted.
III: The Abyss
They said, 'What sign can you give us to see, so that we may believe you?' ---John 6: 30-31
... A [Vietnam] brigade commander once ran a contest to rack up his unit's 10,000th kill; the prize was a week of luxury in the colonel's own quarters... ---Newsweek, 1969
You do not believe although you have seen... ---John 6: 36-37
CHAPTER ONE
She was standing on the Key Bridge walkway, arms atop the parapet, fidgeting, waiting, while homeward- bound traffic stuttered thickly behind her, while drivers with everyday cares honked horns and bumpers nudged bumpers with scraping indifference. She had reached Mary Jo; told her lies.
'Regan's fine. By the way, I've been thinking of another little dinner party. What was the name of that Jesuit psychiatrist again? I thought maybe I'd include him in the...'
Laughter floating up from below her: a blue-jeaned young couple in a rented canoe. With a quick, nervous gesture, she flicked ash from her cigarette and glanced up the walkway of the bridge toward the District. Someone hurrying toward her: khaki pants and blue sweater; not a priest; not him. She looked down at the river again, at her helplessness swirling in the wake of the bright-red canoe. She could make out the name on its side: Caprice.
Footsteps. The man in the sweater coming closer, slowing down as he reached her. Peripherally, she saw him rest a forearm on the top of the parapet and quickly she averted her head toward Virginia.
'Keep movin', creep,' she rumbled at him huskily, flipping her cigarette into the river, 'or, I swear to Christ, I'll yell for a cop!'
'Miss MacNeil? I'm Father Karras.'
She started, reddened, jerked swiftly around The chipped, rugged face. 'Oh, my God! Oh, I'm--- Jesus!'
She was tugging at her sunglasses, flustered, and immediately pushing them back as the sad, dark eyes probed hers.
'I should have told you that I wouldn't be in uniform. Sorry.'
His voice was cradling, stripping her of burden, as his powerful hands clasped gently together. They were large and yet sensitive: veined Michelangelos. Chris felt her gaze somehow drawn to them instantly.
'I thought it would be much less conspicuous,' he continued. 'You seemed so concerned about keeping this quiet.'
'Guess I should have been concerned about not making such an ass of myself,' she retorted, quickly fumbling through her purse. 'I just thought you were---'
'Human?' he interjected with a smile.
'I knew that when I saw you one day on the campus,' she said, as she searched now in the pockets of her suit. 'That's why I called. You seemed human.' She looked up and saw him staring at her hands. 'Got a cigarette, Father?'
He reached into the pocket of his shirt. 'Can yon go a nonfilter?'
'Right now I'd smoke rope.'
He tapped out a Camel from the packet. 'On my allowance, I frequently do.'
'Vow of poverty,' she murmured as she slipped out the cigarette, smiling tightly.
'A vow of poverty has uses,' he commented, reaching in his pocket for matches.
'Like what?'
'Makes rope taste better.' Again, a half smile as he watched her hand holding the cigarette. It trembled. He saw the cigarette wavering in quick, erratic jumps, and without pausing, he took it from her fingers and put it up to his mouth. He lit it, his hands cupped around the match. He puffed. Gave the cigarette back to Chris, his eyes on the cars passing over the bridge.. 'Lots easier. Breeze from the traffic,' he told her.
'Thanks, Father.'
Chris looked at him appraisingly, with gratitude, even with hope. She knew what he'd done. She watched as he lit up a Camel for himself. He forgot to cup his hands. As he exhaled, they each leaned an elbow on the parapet.
'Where are you from, Father Karras? Originally.'
'New York.'
'Me too. Wouldn't ever go back, though. Would you?'
Karras fought down the rise in his throat. 'No, I wouldn't.' He forced a smile. 'But I don't have to make those decisions.'
'God, I'm dumb. You're a priest. You have to go where they send you.'
'That's right.'
'How'd a shrink ever get to be a priest?' she asked.
He was anxious to know what the urgent problem was that she'd mentioned when she telephoned. She was feeling her way, he sensed---toward what? He must not prod. It would come... it would come.
'It's the other way around,' he corrected her gently. 'The Society---'
