“No.”
She used the voice that had worked fine with her tricks. “I’ll make you come like you’ve never come before, honey. You just lay back and let me suck your huge cock and blow your mind.”
“God, Nikki, you’re going to make me cry. That is the saddest thing I have ever heard.”
“You made me feel good. I want to make you feel good. Why can’t I?”
“Because you already make me feel good. Just by being part of this family.”
“You had sex with Lemur.”
“I went through an exercise with Lemur. It was something he needed and the family needed.”
She rolled away from him. “You think I’m ugly.”
“That’s exactly wrong, Nikki. The reason I don’t want to have sex with you is because you are beautiful and perfect just the way you are. I curse the world that taught you the only way you can be nice to someone is to have sex with them. Sit up, now. Pull that cushion up off the floor and get under the covers, but you keep a good foot between us. Respect my space the way I respect yours.”
She did as he said.
“People have harmed you all your life with sex, Nikki. Remember what I told you the first night I brought you home? That I would never harm you? I never will. Not even if you ask me to.” He let a little silence go by. “What? What are you thinking? I can see thoughts crossing that perfect little face of yours.”
“I’ve never been in bed with a man who didn’t want sex. I wasn’t trying to be bad. I just wanted to pay you back. For what you did this afternoon.”
“You let me wash your feet. It gave me a lot of pleasure, so you can consider me pre-thanked. You owe me nothing. What’s this, now? Are you crying?”
She shook her head and folded her arms and couldn’t speak. He asked her again what was wrong and she started to bawl and turned away. He put a box of Kleenex on her lap and lay back and waited for her to settle down.
When she spoke, her voice sounded strange to her. Deeper and more mature. “You don’t know how good you made me feel. No one ever made me feel that good.”
She cried a little more and he waited, in the patient way he had. Not ignoring, just waiting. She turned on her side to face him and said, “Are you Jesus?”
The smallest of smiles played over his features. “What do you think?”
“I think you might be. You wouldn’t even have to know it, necessarily. You could be like a reincarnation or something.”
They didn’t speak for a time. Outside, the sound of the Range Rover pulling up and the door slamming. A minute later, Jack’s big footsteps crossing the kitchen. He went to the bathroom and ran the water and brushed his teeth, and then the sound of his bedroom door opening and closing.
“That’s Jack,” Nikki said. “Lemur still isn’t back?”
“No.”
“What’s so special about the bunkhouse? The other day I was just on the porch over there and Lemur yelled at me to get away. Actually yelled at me. I wasn’t even looking inside.”
“There’s material in the bunkhouse that doesn’t concern you. It’s better for you not to know about it. I want you to trust me on this and keep away.”
“I will. I’d do anything for you, Papa. I honestly believe I’d do anything you asked me to.”
“None of what we do is about me. It’s about the family. Our survival. You know, I was lucky. I had a good family, growing up. Unfortunately, they died when I was very young-not much older than you-and I vowed that one day I would try to re-create the happy family I had known. It’s become something much bigger than that, of course, something much more important, but it’s still my family. Our family. And it makes me happier than I can say to have you with us, Nikki. Happier than I can say.”
–
Nikki woke early. There wasn’t even a hint of sunrise outside her bedroom window. Nothing out there but darkness lit by scattered stars. Darkness and forest, the boughs of the trees weighed down with snow so that they almost touched the ground. A radio muttered from the kitchen. Nikki closed the curtain again and got out of her pyjamas and into her clothes.
She opened her door, listened to the radio for a moment-it was going on about hockey-and closed the door behind her. She went down the three stairs to the dining area. Papa was sitting at the head of the table with a shotgun across his lap and his hands resting on it.
“Good morning,” he said. His voice sounded strange, detached somehow, as if it worked independently of Papa himself. “You’re up early, considering.”
“I couldn’t sleep. Something woke me up.”
“Fix yourself some breakfast. Stuff’s on the counter.”
Nikki poured herself a bowl of cornflakes and skim milk. She got a glass out of the cupboard and a pitcher of orange juice and poured a glass and put the pitcher back in the fridge. Then she took the cereal bowl in one hand and the glass of juice in the other and sat at the end of the table opposite Papa.
He watched her eat.
“What’s up?” Nikki said. “What’s with the gun?”
Papa looked down at his lap then back at Nikki. “Your brother is dead.”
Nikki went still, her spoon in mid-air, milk dripping from it and splashing into the bowl below.
“Lemur is dead. He was shot last night. While he was working.”
Nikki lowered her spoon to the bowl. She stirred her cereal a little. An unexpected emotion was gathering inside her chest and she felt the prickle of tears. “How did it happen?”
A bedroom door opened and shut. There were footsteps and then Jack was in the kitchen.
Papa stood up and levelled the shotgun at him. Jack was pouring himself coffee and wasn’t even aware of it until he turned around and faced the dining area. He took a sip from his coffee and his eyes went to the shotgun. “What’s that for?”
“Did you kill Lemur?”
“What?”
“Did you kill Lemur? Yes or no.”
“No. What happened to him?” Jack started toward the table, casual about it, taking another sip from his coffee.
Papa pumped the shotgun, pointed it again at Jack’s chest. “Where were you last night?”
“I went into town. To a bar. Had a few beers. Listened to a band couldn’t even play in tune. Came back.”
“Prove it.”
“How am I supposed to do that? Subpoena witnesses? Stop pointing that thing.”
“I could end your life right now.”
“If the family just lost a man, it’s probably not real smart to lose another.”
“Getting rid of a traitor is pure gain.”
“I’m not a traitor.” Jack set his coffee mug down on the table. “Put it down, Papa.”
“What time did you get back?”
“I don’t know. Two-thirty. Three. What difference does it make?”
“Lemur was killed around nine.”
“I can’t do nothing about that, Papa. You neither.”
“I could blow your head off.”
“Well, you’d best do it, then. Because if you don’t, I’m gonna rip that shotgun out of your hands and bust your skull in with it.”
Papa took three quick steps and hit Jack one sharp blow in the head with the butt of the shotgun. Jack fell sideways out of his chair. His mug twirled to the floor in the opposite direction, and the aroma of coffee blossomed around them.
