Understanding Asexuality

to? This was clearly a bit of an odd question for him. For most masturbators (well, okay, much of the planet), this question is relatively easy to answer. They often masturbate to a fantasy, a conjured-up image of a favorite person (or group of people), a picture, moving or otherwise, of sexual scenes. In other words, they masturbate to some sort of image or story of what they are sexually attracted to. For example, a young woman may masturbate to a story line of an erotic novel she has read, perhaps replacing the heroine with herself in the fantasy, or, as mentioned, to an image of hunky Brad Pitt. A young man may masturbate to the image of a seductively posed nude woman in a magazine or on the Internet, or, as mentioned above, to harem-like fantasies.

This is evidently not so for many asexual people who masturbate. In fact, the asexual person, perplexed, did not answer at first, and then only responded when I saw him on the next occasion, after having thought about it, and discussing it with some asexual people on the AVEN website. He suggested that many asexual people just masturbate to nothing in particular. This makes sense, as asexual people with sexual desire (or urges, but lacking sexual attraction) do not direct this desire toward anyone (or anything). So, the question of what an asexual person masturbates to is, perhaps understandably, nonsensical, or best answered with “nothing in particular” (or at least nothing of particular sexual relevance to the asexual person).

This nondirected masturbation also reinforces the idea that some, perhaps many, asexual people often do not have sexual fantasies, or at least not in the same way that sexual people usually have them. There is some research by Lori Brotto and her colleagues suggesting that some asexual people do have fantasies (Brotto et al., 2010), but it is unclear from this research whether the fantasies co-occur with masturbation, whether they are primarily “romantic,” and what function they serve (see also discussion below). Interestingly, this nondirected masturbation also reinforces the idea that masturbation in asexual people probably does not serve a “rehearsal” function that prepares them to act upon scenarios that they might encounter in real life. And why would it, given that asexual people do not need to sexually “practice” sequences of behaviors with preferred partners?

Here is a follow-up, not-so-dumb, question: What if some (i.e., a small percentage) asexual people have fantasy-based masturbation? What would this mean? In addition to understanding sexual fantasies as important for the development and rehearsal of sexual scripts, human sexuality researchers are interested in sexual fantasies because we know that their content says something about what people are truly attracted to. Sexual fantasies are more important than actual behavior—what we actually do with a partner—in this regard, because partnered behavior represents a compromise of the individuals engaged in that behavior. Fantasies often do not represent any compromise: they usually only spring from the individual’s own desires and attractions; thus, they are a (relatively) pure reflection of one’s true attractions.

Pornography contains commercially produced sexual fantasies, or at least fantasy-enhancement material. This is especially true for men. If so, the type of pornography men view and/or masturbate to should be an indicator of their attractions. Gay men are attracted to men, so, not surprisingly, they will view images of naked men or men engaged in sex. Similarly, heterosexual men are attracted to women, so they will view images of naked women, men having sex with women, or two or more women having sex together. This attraction/porn relationship can be used as a diagnostic tool of a person’s sexual orientation. If, for example, an adolescent male professes to be heterosexual and yet is found with a large stash of gay porn, the content of his stash trumps (or at least calls into question) his professed heterosexual attractions, at least as far as many sexual orientation researchers are concerned. Interestingly, this diagnostic tool can also be used to diagnose deviant sexual attractions. If a man professes to be attracted to adults but has a stash of child pornography (and little or no adult-oriented pornography), then the content of this stash can be used to help determine that the man is likely a pedophile (Seto, Cantor, & Blanchard, 2006).[24]

The pornography/attraction relationship is more complicated for women, especially given that they are often less visually oriented in their sexual response than men (see more on sex/gender differences in chapter 6). But the overall point about sexual fantasies as a window into the sexual attraction “soul” still holds up reasonably well. If so, persistent sexual fantasies in asexual people, and particularly in asexual men, may be a partial way of determining whether they have some level of attraction for men or women, or some unusual thing, such as an object or an event (see chapter 12).

Interestingly, the fact that the asexual person I referred to above actually did not comprehend my question about “what do you masturbate to” indicates to me that he does indeed lack sexual fantasy (and sexual scripts). Thus, he is asexual as I define it (i.e., a lack of sexual attraction), and even though he may masturbate, he does not direct his masturbation to something or someone. Also, that other asexual people like him do not seem to fantasize in any systematic or directed way, or don’t masturbate altogether, indicates that many asexual people do not have sexual attractions, typical or atypical in nature.

However, my discussions with people who identify as asexual (along with some of the discussion on AVEN) suggest that some do have consistent fantasies or choose specific stimuli (e.g., pornography) to which they masturbate repeatedly. Also, as mentioned above, some level of fantasy does occur in asexual people (Brotto et al., 2010). This fact raises questions about their sexual attractions and whether some of these individuals might have unusual sexual attractions, called paraphilias (see also chapter 10).

Interestingly, when the fantasies do occur in asexual people in a consistent or systematic way, they are often, although not always, still of a “disconnected” sort. That is, these people often view themselves as not being part of the sexual acts they are fantasizing about or viewing (e.g., pornography). In other words, they themselves are not connected to anything or anyone sexual. It is as if their own identities—who they are as individuals—are not sexual (they are not attracted to anyone or anything), but their bodies, or (more correctly) aspects of their mind related to sexual arousal but not fully connected to their identity, may still need sexual stimulation for them to masturbate (and perhaps receive pleasure). This “disconnect” of identity from masturbation and sexual fantasy is very intriguing. To me, it still suggests that these people lack sexual attraction on some level (and thus have an “asexual” orientation), because their identity—who they are as individuals—is not sexually connected to anyone or anything. However, we will take up these fascinating questions and their implications—such as whether these people have a paraphilia and whether they can still truly be labeled asexual (i.e., lacking in sexual attraction)—further in chapter 10 (Bogaert, 2008).

Summary

There are probably a number of different functions (e.g., pleasure, script development and rehearsal, health benefits) to human masturbation, this most common of sexual behaviors. Although they do not masturbate to the same degree as sexual people do (as one might expect), asexual people may have a masturbation history, and some may masturbate at a relatively high frequency. This fact reinforces the idea that what might be termed “sexual” behaviors, such as masturbation, are not necessarily completely absent in asexual people. It also lends support to the idea that what is termed a “sexual” behavior may, sometimes, be devoid of intense sexual feelings (even in sexual people), and yet it may still serve a function (such as health or physical release). The fact that some asexual people masturbate and some asexual people do not also reinforces the idea that asexuality is a diverse phenomenon. In other words, there are different types of asexual people, some of whom have desire (or at least impulses and urges, even if they are not intensely “sexual” desires) and some who do not. There may be a core element to all asexual people, however: a lack of sexual attraction (see also chapter 2). Finally, the ideas brought forward in this chapter confirm the notion that researchers should be aware that some people who identify as asexual may have a paraphilia, a sexual attraction to something unusual. One way of finding out more about whether some masturbating asexual people have paraphilias is to study their fantasies, which reveal (often secret) attractions. More research is also needed to verify some of the conclusions I have drawn in this chapter, in part because the data on which I have based these conclusions are incomplete and/or somewhat informal in nature (e.g., quotes from relatively few individuals). So more questions, even seemingly dumb ones, need to be asked.