In disbelief he said, “What’s the problem?”
“Every time I look in the mirror I see a tired woman with a potato nose looking back at me.”
This was not the Dana Zoukos Markarian that he knew. Although she had inherited her sandy blond hair from her Swedish mother, she did have an ethnic nose and occasionally joked about it. But she was also blessed with natural good looks—a high forehead, a smooth, porcelain complexion, and large green-gray eyes—that gave her a classic acropolis face. No doubt, with a nose job she’d be even more attractive. But Dana was not vain nor preoccupied with her appearance. Steve put his arm around her shoulders. “Aren’t you getting a little carried away?”
She wiped the tears with the back of her hand. “I didn’t get the job.”
“Aw, hell! I’m sorry.”
For the last fourteen years Dana had taught chemistry at Carleton High, but she had decided that she wanted to move on. She had grown tired of the routine and all the paperwork, tired of increasing class sizes and shrinking budgets, tired of feeling like an indentured servant to the Commonwealth. She wasn’t tired of the kids, however. On the contrary, she enjoyed them and they, in return, had voted her Teacher of the Year twice. They filled in for the children she and Steve never had. But her friend Lanie Walker had suggested that she consider pharmaceutical sales. It was intellectually stimulating and lucrative—with commission, six figures by her third year. And she didn’t need a selling background or a degree in pharmacology, since the company was looking for people with brains and a winning personality. Dana became interested, and over the past few months she had interviewed with four companies. Three passed her over, but the fourth, GEM Tech—where Lanie worked—which specialized in medication for dementia, had called her back for a third interview two weeks ago. “What happened?”
“What happened was they hired a younger woman.”
“How do you know that?”
“Lanie has a recruiter friend. The same with the others. Thirty-nine and too old to sell pills.”
“You’re talking age discrimination, which is against the law.”
“Yeah, but try to prove it. I didn’t include my date of birth on the applications or the year I graduated from college. Nothing. For all they know, I could be twenty-five or seventy-five. But the interviewer looked at me and thought, ‘Too old,’ but kept feeding me questions and let me prattle on while I’m thinking, ‘Gee, this is going great.’”
“You still get carded in restaurants.”
“Only because the lights are dim.”
“Dana, you look twenty-something.”
She turned her face toward him. “No, I don’t. Look at my eyelids. Look at the crow’s-feet. Look at the lines under my eyes. And this goddamn nose. I hate it.”
He looked into those large feline eyes and felt a warm rush. “I think you’re beautiful.”
“You’re blind. They would have turned down Cindy Crawford. I’m telling you they’re looking for youth, not beauty. What they want to send to doctors are healthy-looking kids.”
“But you’re a mature woman who’s taught science for years. You know how to work with people. You’ve got a great personality—”
“Yeah, yeah, but experience and credentials count for nothing. The recruits are twenty-two-year-olds with degrees in business and sociology. It’s pathetic. We live in a skin-deep culture that eats its old.”
“You’re not old.”
“No, but I’m starting to look old.” She got up and turned on the AC to see if it worked. It did and she turned it off. “Lanie knows a good doctor who did some work on her.”
Steve’s eyes fixed on the AC. “By the way, what was the temperature last night?”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“Just wondering.”
“It was cool and rainy. Why?” She stared at him for a long moment. “Are you okay?”
He didn’t respond for a moment. “I had another spell yesterday.”
“What happened?”
“I don’t know. The last I remember was dropping off my grades at the Criminal Justice office. Then I think I grabbed a bite to eat near campus. It’s all blank after that.”
“You don’t remember going home?”
“No. Just waking up this morning when Reardon called.”
She gave him a long penetrating look. “Were you drinking?”
He saw that coming. “Maybe a beer.”
“Or two or three…on top of Ativan. You know the doc said that can screw you up.”
He made a dismissive gesture. “I don’t know what I drank. And I take the Ativan as needed.”
“Did you?”
He looked at her and shook his head. “I don’t remember.”
“So, where were you?”
“A restaurant across from the quadrangle.”
“And you don’t remember driving home? Taking a shower? Going to bed?”
“No.”
“You must have had your PDA turned off, too, because I tried calling a couple of times.”
“I guess.” He had to charge his PDA that morning while he showered and got ready to leave for the crime scene. He always did that at night. But he hadn’t.
She shook her head and was about to reprimand him when she stiffened. “Something’s burning.”
“The lamejunes.”
Steve had brought over some Armenian pizzas and other delicacies. Even when they were living with each other, he prepared many of the meals because Dana got no pleasure from cooking nor was she particularly creative. In fact, she overcooked everything. He, on the other hand, got lost in the creative process—a relief from the constant stress of his job.
He bolted down the stairs to find smoke billowing out of the oven. He had forgotten to set the timer. He pulled out the tray. The lamejunes were smoking disks of char. “They’re a tad well-done, but you might like them.”
“Very funny.”
He washed the remains into the garbage disposal while Dana snapped on the vent. On the kitchen island were platters of rolled grape leaves, pickled vegetables, and cheese and spinach turnovers plus a bowl of hummus with triangles of pita and Calamata olives. He started to pull more lamejunes out of the box, but Dana said she wasn’t hungry.
“The grape leaves are homemade. I rolled them with my feet the way you like them.”
She gave him a thin smile but shook her head and leaned against the sink.
Steve poured her a glass of Gewurztraminer and himself a club soda. She was quiet and stared into her glass. “Can I stay over?”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“I promise I won’t let you touch me.”
“No.”
“I miss you.” He missed coming home to her. He missed their conversations, her supple mind, her humor. He missed their marriage. He missed looking at her. Living his life without Dana was like trying to breathe on one lung.
The good news was that she was still wearing her wedding band. It was the first thing he checked when they got together. It made him feel safe still, but the expression on her face did not.
She took a sip of the wine and laid the glass down with a
He sighed. There it was again—the old transgression that she kept rubbing his nose in.
Last year he had gotten high at a party and made a move on a foxy assistant medical examiner. One thing led to the next and he ended up in her bed. Then again the following week when Dana was away on a field trip. Unfortunately, Sylvia had picked up rumors that Steve and Dana were having marital problems and wanted more
