Kiss Me, Kill Me

“Noah doesn’t know. No one does, except you.”

Sean cleared his throat. “I, uh, meant to tell you earlier, but then there wasn’t a good time, and I convinced myself that I’d wait until he had answers.”

“You told Noah?”

“No. I talked to Hans Vigo.”

Lucy sat heavily on the edge of the bed, feeling hollow again, not wanting to believe Sean had discussed the matter with Hans. “Why?”

He sat next to her and made her look at him. “Because something’s not right about your application denial, and Hans is the best person to find out what happened.”

“I wish you hadn’t done that. I don’t want anybody’s help. If I can’t get in on my own, I don’t want to be an agent.”

“Hans is not going to get you in, but you will want to appeal this decision.”

“Don’t tell me what I want!”

“Lucy, you need to know what this is all about.”

“No,” she said quietly. “I don’t want to know.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Because it changes nothing. And it will simply confirm what I already do know: that my past will never go away. I don’t want to be told that I’m damaged or emotionally unstable.”

“You are neither, Lucy,” Sean said emphatically. “Don’t even say it.”

“It doesn’t matter if I am or not. That’s how people see me.”

“No they don’t. Hans said-” He stopped.

Lucy looked him in the eye, trying to keep her face calm, but her heart was pounding. She didn’t like people manipulating her, even if they did it for all the right reasons.

Sean simply said, “You may be considered too controversial.”

Lucy started laughing. “Controversial?”

“Am I missing something?”

She smiled and put a hand to her mouth to hold back another laugh. “I guess I had never considered that. I’ve been sure since I got the letter that they thought I was damaged goods.”

“No one sees you as a victim, Lucy.”

She continued. “Or that I killed my rapist and showed no remorse.”

Sean frowned. “I don’t understand.”

But she didn’t elaborate. “Or maybe they thought I was flighty because I had three vastly different internships over three years, but no real job. For about five minutes I cast blame on Kate, because if anyone was controversial in the FBI during the last decade, it was my sister-in-law.

“But Sean, why doesn’t matter. I can find a hundred reasons to justify the panel’s decision. It’s still binding.”

“You should appeal.”

“I didn’t think you really wanted me to be an FBI agent.”

Sean wanted to explain himself, but didn’t know how he could without sounding sappy or stupid. “You’re right that I’m not a big fan of the FBI, but there are a few good agents out there. I’d much rather you come work for me, because you’re good.”

Lucy shook her head. “Sean, I’m not working for you and Patrick.”

“Your name’s already on the door,” he said, hopeful.

She smiled and continued to shake her head.

“I thought it was a long shot. But seriously, you should appeal because you want it. You shouldn’t have to settle for anything less than your dream.”

Lucy threw her arms around Sean in a rare initiation of physical affection. It startled him, and they fell backward onto the bed. She kissed him. “You win.”

He wrapped his arms around her waist. “I like my prize.”

“I’ll think more about appealing. But if Hans calls you back, I want to talk to him. I understand why you called him. You have an overwhelming need to fix things.”

“I can’t stand unfairness.”

“Life isn’t fair.”

“That’s why when I can do something, I do it. I never intended to go behind your back, but I’d never seen you so defeated. It broke my heart.”

Lucy put her hand on Sean’s chest, her touch making his pulse quicken. He loved this woman so much, but she would bolt if he told her. He knew she loved him, too; she just hadn’t admitted it to him, or to herself.

One day at a time, Sean.

Lucy would give her all to save the innocent. But in her quest for justice, would she keep anything for herself?

Maybe that’s where he came in. When she had nothing left, she could fill up on him. Sean wanted so desperately for Lucy to see that she needed him, not because he was a big, strong male and she was a weak female who needed a man-far from it. She needed him because he could be her anchor; he needed her because she gave him purpose and meaning he’d never had before.

He held her face in his hands. “You give to everyone, and you need to take sometimes. Take from me. Anything you need, anything you want, is yours.”

She kissed him. It wasn’t the tentative kiss he’d learned to expect from her. He didn’t need to coax out her hidden passions; this kiss was bold and seductive. A full-body kiss, her chest pressed against his, one of her legs between his, her hands on his head, his face, her touch setting him on fire.

She planted her knees on the bed and sat up, pulling off her sweater, revealing her round breasts barely contained in a sexy, black lace demi-cup bra.

He pulled off his T-shirt and stretched up to kiss her between her breasts. She smelled both spicy and flowery, and he breathed in her skin, intoxicated. His hands moved over her smooth back. He unclasped her bra with one hand, then slowly eased it down.

She was gorgeous. And all his.

Lucy gasped when the cool air hit her breasts, and then Sean’s mouth claimed one and his hand sought out the other. She closed her eyes, her body responding to the conflicting sensations-wet and dry; soft and rough; hot and hotter.

Sean was passionate in everything he did-from driving to work to play. He did nothing halfway, and that included making love. His intensity and physical awareness-of both his own body and hers-was exhilarating and irresistible. But also terrifying. She’d never been so completely explored, as if Sean needed to memorize every cell in her body.

Sean rose from the bed, and she wrapped her arms around his neck to keep from sliding to the floor. He kissed her, his mouth hot and greedy, as if she were his lifeline. He turned them around and dropped her to the bed, her legs hanging off the edge. “You’re beautiful.”

He smiled and knelt on the floor. He kissed her stomach while he slowly unzipped her jeans. Then he rolled them off her hips and pulled them down to the floor while his mouth followed, placing kisses one by one down the outside of her thigh. He kissed her feet, and Lucy was startled at the jolt of lust she felt when he licked her ankles. It was the anticipation, his slow-moving mouth, his hands moving up and down her legs, never stopping.

She hadn’t realized until that moment that she’d missed him. They’d had ten days alone, almost like a honeymoon, and then the last month had spent little time together. And even when they had been together, they had not been alone. This intimacy was new to her, this need for physical contact. She hadn’t known this was what she’d been missing, but she’d never before craved a man the way she did Sean.

As if sensing the shift inside her, from romance to passion, Sean kissed the inside of her thighs, her legs spreading on their own. His hands reached under her and held her butt, his fingers kneading. She was capable of no conscious thought, eager to explore Sean as he explored her. Her hands fisted in the comforter when Sean blew kisses over the flesh he’d just licked. When his tongue flickered over her sweet spot, she drew in her breath. She couldn’t exhale, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think.

She went from simmer to boil so fast she didn’t have time to bite back a cry as her orgasm exploded.