If I Should Die

to the top, it’s an amazing view of the valleys and mountains to the west. But the mine is easier to access.”

Sean knew where he’d go if he were Ricky.

“I’ll head up to the mine,” Tim said.

“I’ll take Bear Rock,” Adam said. “I can get there on an ATV.”

“Where’s Annie?” Sean asked. “I don’t think she should be alone.”

“I sent her to stay with her sister in Massena,” Tim said. “Until this is over.”

“Be extremely cautious,” Sean said, glad he didn’t have to worry about another person. “Don’t trust anyone. When you find Ricky, text me. We’ll figure out if it would be safer to have Dillard come for him or you to take him out of town. Don’t bring him back here-they could be watching. In fact, take a roundabout way to the mine, Tim. Look for tails. We don’t want to alert anyone to our plans.”

The four split up, and Sean and Patrick headed back to town. “I hope Noah hasn’t taken off yet,” Sean said, punching in his number.

“Why? We need the backup.”

“I agree, but I have an idea to verify Swain’s statement and maybe give us a leg up on what the fuck Bobbie Swain is planning. Other than me, Noah’s probably the only one with the skill to pull it off.”

Ricky had to get out of the empty house.

He’d done exactly what Jon Callahan had told him-stayed in the house, no lights, no fire. If there hadn’t been plenty of blankets he’d have frozen his ass off. With his cell phone nearly dead, he decided to go to the car to charge it. He’d parked a quarter mile down an unmarked road from the Foster’s vacation house. There was another cabin down here, abandoned. While his phone charged, he wandered up to Bear Rock. Before his death, Joe had taken Ricky here fishing numerous mornings. They’d usually cook up what they caught for lunch at the base of the rock. They’d rarely talk, but Ricky hadn’t wanted to. It was great just hanging out with Joe, who never raised his voice, never lied to him, never brought up Ricky’s father, the good or the bad.

Ricky sometimes talked about his mom. He missed her a lot the year after she died. He had resented Uncle Jimmy and the restrictions placed on him and the low-lying sense of fear that permeated the house. With Joe, Ricky had never been afraid. He could push everything out of his mind and just be.

He realized last night as he lay awake until dawn that the reason he’d decided to help Reverend Browne with the vandalism was because he was angry at Joe for dying, angry at Adam for wanting to change the place, and he desperately wanted someone to talk to. Reverend Browne was a man of God! He had buried Ricky’s mother, and he’d been kind. And when Joe had died, he’d listened to Ricky.

But after what he’d seen at the church last night, Ricky knew that Reverend Browne wasn’t his friend. The so-called holy man had used Ricky, and worse, he was working with the monster.

Ricky hated Aunt Bobbie so deeply that it scared him. He didn’t like the rage and hatred buried deep inside. He’d had these disturbing feelings after his dad went to prison, after his mom died, after he found out Bobbie stole the money his dad had hidden away for his mom’s cancer treatments. Joe taught him to let it go. To use it productively. To study hard and get good grades. To run off the negative energy. Ricky skied in the winter and ran in the summer, because sometimes the only way he could sleep and not remember the pain was if he was exhausted.

When Joe died, Ricky got angry again. In the isolation at the cabin, he realized that the reverend had used his anger, turning it against Adam and Tim.

Ricky sat at the top of Bear Rock and stared at the sinking sun. It had been a warm day, but now the air turned chilly. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, his fingers brushing against the small gun that Jon Callahan had given him last night for protection, but Ricky had never shot anyone. Could he kill a human being? He didn’t know. Except, Aunt Bobbie wasn’t human. She was a monster, through and through.

The sky was so clear, he already saw a few of the brightest stars shining from the heavens. Guilt and grief overwhelmed him, and he prayed that Adam could forgive him. He hoped Joe was up there and understood that Ricky didn’t mean to hurt anyone.

A doe and her fawn walked by only twenty yards away, heading away from the clearing and toward the safety of the woods. Suddenly they froze, their ears at attention. Then Ricky heard what they did, a motor, far in the distance, but coming closer. The deer bolted into the trees, and Ricky almost followed, until he recognized the motor as belonging to an ATV.

He turned and saw the quad emerge from the woods and stop at the base of Bear Rock. Ricky remained alert, staying low on the rock, his hand wrapped around Jon’s pistol. The engine cut out and the rider took off his helmet. It was Adam Hendrickson. He waved. Ricky didn’t wave back.

He watched as Adam climbed Bear Rock. He slipped a few times, and Ricky scowled. They’d come here many times and Adam used to be so sure-footed. Now he was a soft city boy.

Ricky didn’t budge when Adam sat down next to him.

“Leave me alone,” Ricky said. He averted his face so Adam couldn’t see that he’d been crying.

“Sean Rogan seems to think you and I need to talk.”

“I don’t want to talk.”

“Talking to you isn’t my idea of fun, either. Why did you do it? My dad liked you. He took you fishing and horseback riding, even when I wasn’t around.”

Saying nothing. Ricky stared at the horizon and wished he could disappear as easily as the sun.

“Listen, Ricky, there’s a lot of stuff happening right now, and I’m willing to put this crap aside.”

“Why? Go ahead, call the cops, have them arrest me.”

“We’re not turning you in.”

“I wish you would.” He meant it.

“You want your life to be over? For me to just send you off to juvie and be done with you? Do you think that’s what my dad would have wanted me to do?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t-” He stopped. There was no excuse for what he’d done. He could have said no. He whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“I know you are. Dad liked fishing with you, even when I wasn’t here. I’m glad he had you around. I’m a little jealous that you knew him so well, and I only got him two months out of the year. But life isn’t fair. Frankly, it sucks sometimes.”

Ricky grinned, then masked it. Adam smiled. “It really does. But from now on, you’re part of my family. That’s what my dad would have wanted. And it’s what I want.” He paused. “I’m sorry about your uncle.”

Ricky coughed to hide his sudden emotion. “Thanks.”

“I need to call Sean and tell him I found you. Trust us, okay? Sean’s going to keep you safe, but you have to listen to him.”

“I didn’t know Aunt Bobbie was in town. My father always hated her, but I never knew why. When he went to jail she came to see my mother. She-” He stopped. He couldn’t do this. He didn’t want to think about it anymore.

“Sean went to visit your father today. And we found out that Bobbie Swain had my dad killed.”

Ricky shook his head. “It was a heart attack.”

“He was poisoned. There was no autopsy because Doc Griffin signed off that he had heart trouble. I didn’t know he hadn’t. I should have been here. I could have saved him. Or at least known about his medical condition so that I’d known enough to demand an autopsy.”

“Bobbie would have killed you, too, Adam,” Ricky said. He stared at the glowing horizon. “She knew my mom had cancer and was going through chemotherapy. But with dad in jail and everything we owned seized by the government, we had nothing. Dad never had insurance because he had plenty of money selling drugs to pay for Mom’s treatment. And she was getting better.

“Bobbie said she would pay for everything, Mom’s treatment, our house, anything we needed. I thought she was an angel. And Mom told her no, said she was a monster.”

Now the tears came and he couldn’t stop them.

“Bobbie was furious. I thought she was going to hit Mom, so I stood between them. I would have killed her if she’d touched my mom, and I wouldn’t have felt guilty.”

“I would have done the same thing.”

Emboldened, Ricky finished. “Bobbie said Mom would be dead within the year and I would be living with her